I was shocked, shocked I tell you, to learn this morning that Gar the Texan's latest wife has left him and returned to Germany.
Giddy at his latest bout of singleness Gar the Texan engaged in a wild night of barhopping with his pre-marriage drinking buddies.
After a night of too much imbibing Gar the Texan woke up to what he thought was miserable hangover pain.
But the pain persisted and got worse.
In my experiences with Gar the Texan about half the time he engaged in any activity that was not sitting he'd get a case of the vapors. But this post-wife leaving ailment was beyond a simple case of the vapors.
As the pain worsened Gar the Texan knew he needed medical help. In his state of failing cerebral function he called a hospital and asked to be picked up. He was told the hospital does not provide such a service and told him to call 911.
Gar the Texan resisted calling 911 because he didn't think his was a 911-worthy emergency. But then the pain got worse, so he called 911. The 911 operator told him help was on the way. Gar the Texan asked them to please be discrete.
Instead a firetruck and ambulance showed up. Gar the Texan was rolled into the ambulance where medics began working to stabilize him.
When he got to the hospital Gar the Texan soon learned that he was not suffering from the hangover from HELL, but instead he was passing a very large kidney stone.
Gar the Texan is recovering at home. No wife to nurse him back to health.
Sad, true story.