Texas Weight Loss, Tootsie Tonasket & Tacoma

I heard from Tootsie Tonasket this morning with a report on her weight loss success. Tootsie has been following my strict regimen for almost 6 months now. She has shrunk from 219 pounds to a new low of 158!

Tootsie's chronic back pains and joint aches have gotten way better, likely due to all the walking I have her do.

Tootsie Tonasket now weighs less than me. But I also have been continuing to shrink. Not that I mean to. I have shrivelled to a new low of 166.

I guess I need to eat more. But I eat a lot. Really I do.

When I was up in Tacoma, right from the start, I thought those people were in a conspiratorial plot to fatten me up. No matter how many times I said that I don't usually eat dinner, over and over and over again I was forced to eat dinner, lest I be charged with even more serious counts of being anti-social and ignoring and avoiding the house guests.

Cheesecake, a known weakness of mine, was brought into the house. And then, just to be cruel, even though it was well before its pull date, the cheesecake was tossed in the garbage. I was being double-binded, ying-yanged by these people. Pure torture.

Another one of my known weaknesses, potato chips, were always in supply. In various flavors.

There was a large supply of various alcoholic beverages in a wide variety, which I was encouraged, over and over again, to consume, at will, forget about the calories.

I lost count of the number of times I was brought to McDonald's. One of the times for the usual forced evening meal feeding, which, like I said, I rarely eat, where I was presented with a Filet-o-Fish, French Fries and a full sugar Coke. There was a lot of pressure to have a Hot Fudge Sundae, but this was one of the rare occasions when I successfully resisted. Likely because my pushily insistent little sister was not in attendance. Even though it was my Mom and Dad's Anniversary, she could not find the time to go to McDonald's with them. Shameful. Mom and Dad said they felt like my little sister was avoiding them. I meant to have a talk with her about that.

I was forced to consume other restaurant feedings in the evenings in Tacoma. Once at a seafood place called Steamers. It was good.

And then, as if to make one final attempt to fatten me up, on my last night in Tacoma, they insisted on taking me out to eat. What cuisine I was asked would I like? I defaulted to seafood and suggested a McDonald's Filet-o-Fish, which I really like.

No. McDonald's is out, I was told. Either Anthony's Homeport, Katie Down's or Duke's Chowder House. I'd been to both Anthony's and Katie Down's, so I opted for Duke's.

So, at Duke's, nothing was spared in the final attempt to fatten me up. I was ordered to order a cocktail. I opted for a Bloody Mary with 2 giant Prawns. Hot out of the oven Sourdough with butter was brought out. I was told to eat loaf after loaf.

By this point in time, during my month of brainwashing in Tacoma, I did what I was told.

And then the appetizers showed up. One was a delicious, filling crab concoction. The other was a lot of mussels in a broth in which you dipped rye bread.

I was stuffed by the time the appetizers were done. I was then told to order a beer.

I'm going to explode I feared. But I did as I was told.

And then the main course arrived. Halibut and French Fries. I had no option but to eat it all.

By the time I was done I was not able to walk easily. A wheelchair was provided to get me to the car.

I somehow made it back to my sister's without fainting and crawled up the stairs to my sleeping zone with the army cot in the HOT area they call the Tropics. After about an hour my sister came up the stairs with her final attempt to fatten me up. She'd made a giant Long Island Iced Tea out of some liquor remnants she'd found somewhere. Along with the remains of the giant potato chip bag from Costco.

I was able to eventually consume the Long Island Iced Tea. I then blogged a heavily censored version of the evening and then passed out. I did not touch the potato chips.

Despite their evil attempts to fatten me up, I did not gain any weight during my month of eating like a pig and drinking like a fish in Tacoma. When I think of all the money they wasted trying to put some meat on my bones, it just appalls me. All that cheese, all that meat, all that butter, all those desserts, all those bags of chips, all those bottles of wine and beer. All that could have fed a starving family in Africa for a year.

I guess I'll start having melted butter on my evening bowl of air popped corn and see if I can stop this continuing unnecessary weight loss. Or go buy some pants, jeans and shorts that fit me.