Friday, July 17, 2009

The Heart Attack Grill Is Not In Texas

One of my sister's lives in Chandler, Arizona. My mom and dad live nearby in Sun Lake. My slightly overweight brother lives 30 miles south in Maricopa.

My brother-in-law runs several McDonald's in the Phoenix zone. When I fly up north I try and arrange a layover in Phoenix, on the way back, for at least a couple hours.

The longest layover was 11 hours. That time I got picked up and brought to one of my brother-in-law's McDonald's for All You Can Eat. It was breakfast. I didn't eat much.

Then we went back to the airport to pick up my other incoming sister. Then it was back to McDonald's again. This time breakfast was over. So, I got a salad of some sort, a fish burger, a couple double cheeseburgers, I forget what else. At one point I was two-fisting food, as in holding one burger in one hand, while the other hand held something else. I'd been up since before 5am and had not slept well. I was hungry.

There was more food when we got to my sister's place. Then she gave us a tour of the area, while we ate more food. Then we went to some place, the name of which I do not remember, for Happy Hour and even more food. After that it was my one and only visit to an In & Out burger joint. I had two In & Out burgers. At that point in time it seemed to me to be the best burger I'd ever had.

By the time they got me to the plane, I was so uncomfortably stuffed that takeoff felt like it might cause me to explode. Luckily I had a row to myself and could lay down. I got back here to learn I'd gained over 15 pounds during this trip.

This morning I was shocked, well, maybe not shocked, let's say surprised, to learn that, in my sister's town of Chandler, there is this place called the Heart Attack Grill, where everything they serve is bad for you. No diet Cokes, only the full sugar kind. No trans-fat free frying. Only lard is used. And if you weigh over 350 pounds you eat free.

Faux Medical staff, in the form of a doctor and scantily clad nurses, are in attendance to monitor your condition as you consume the Heart Attack Grill's food.

What I don't get is why have my burger loving relatives not mentioned this place to me. The last time I was in Phoenix they took me to a Ruby Tuesday's. I would have greatly preferred the Heart Attack Grill had I known of its existence.

Why is the Heart Attack Grill in relatively lean Arizona, and not here in relatively not lean Texas? It's perplexing. Below is an amusing YouTube video showing you the deliciousness of the Heart Attack Grill.

2 comments:

Brate said...

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Eating The Road said...

I ate there recently....it was just okay:
http://eatingtheroad.wordpress.com/2009/10/30/heart-attack-grill-diet-center/