Wednesday, July 22, 2009

He's Not Speaking English, He's Speaking Texan

Texas provides fodder for a lot of Reality TV Shows. Texans are like some sort of Reality TV Staple. More often than not, in some way or the other, good and bad, the Texans deliver some good TV.

That is Van, the Token Texan on the new season of Hell's Kitchen, in the picture.

The most recent version of ABC's The Bachelorette had this guitar playing crooner from Austin, named Wes, universally reviled as a total slimeball. Wes was on a find a mate show, trouble was he had a girlfriend back home. Apparently a big no-no on a show where you are supposed to be looking for a wife.

Wes finally came clean when the wife wannabe sent him back to Austin. As Wes rode away, into the sunset, he bragged about his #1 hit in Chihuahua, Mexico, bragged about being the first guy ever to make it to #4 on this show, with a girl friend, then trashed the 3 guys remaining, saying he was heading back to Austin and gonna be having a lotta sex with his girlfriend.

Top quality TV, that was. Courtesy of a Texan.

And then, last night, on the season premiere of Hell's Kitchen, we had another Texan. Named Van. Apparently Van is a graduate of the Art Institute of Dallas, which apparently teaches the art of cooking. But not the art of behaving well, and keeping cool. Van cooks in an un-named, supposed "top" Dallas restaurant.

However, last night Van seemed to have some serious anger management issues, and shrimp management issues. Perhaps he'd be better suited to being a Fort Worth Policeman. The local Gestapo is always looking for new angry young men.

Van was assigned to tableside shrimp scampi cooking duty. Van had trouble with this duty. He was flipping pans into the air, with shrimp flying. At one point he was cooking shrimp for one of the other team's tables. Jean-Philippe, the mild-mannered Belgian Maitre'd, was mortified at the havoc Van was wreaking in the dining room. JP tried to reign Van in. But this made Van mad, well, actually furious. Van would not listen to JP, instead he threatened JP with his fists, putting on quite a show for the diners.

Eventually Chef Gordon Ramsay intervened and dragged the sparring pair off the dining floor, screaming at them, asking what is wrong with you two? Basically JP said it was Van's fault, that Van wouldn't listen. To which Ramsay told the pair they needed to communicate, that they both spoke English, what's the problem?

To which JP said, in a classic Reality TV moment, in his best snooty French-Belgian accent, "I can not understand him. I speak English. He speaks Texan."

For some reason I found this funny.


twister said...

Morons make for good reality tv.

Anonymous said...

Van is a fucking jackass. Mr tough guy telling someone to suck his dick confirms the belief he is a big fag better suited for gay porn then cooking. That way he can still get to handle the meat he really desires.