Only Child Syndrome: Part IV

Like I've said before, every day dozens of people come to this blog looking for information about how to deal with Only Child Syndrome (OCS). The info seekers seem to come in clusters. Why? I do not know.

Just in the past few hours there have been people from Lexington KY, Albany NY, Houston, Littleton CO, Lock Haven PA, Brick NJ, Ft. Lauderdale, Cincinnati, Worth IL, Springfield OH, Memphis, Rochester NY, Washington, D.C., Portland OR, Wayne NJ and Kalamazoo MI.

I have yet to see a single info seeker come from China. China has the world's largest number of Only Children. A percentage higher than that which would normally occur, in any given culture, due to China having that have only one child policy. Maybe there is something about how the Chinese raise their kids that prevents Only Child Syndrome from developing. Or maybe the Chinese OCS is a ticking time bomb that will eventually destroy the planet in one apocalyptic temper tantrum.

There are some who say that OCS does not exist. I have known 6 Only Children. All 6 had the syndrome to varying degrees. I do believe if one knew 100 Only Children that it is likely that a few among the 100 might not have OCS. The majority of emails and comments I've received, on the subject, agree that OCS definitely exists. I've even heard from a large number of Only Children who know OCS exists. Including one I received yesterday, that I will copy below.

I do know of one OC, who may be the worst case of OCS I've encountered, who thinks I made up OCS, just to somehow make fun of her. This is a typical OCS response. It is always all about them. It certainly can not be about the victim of an OC and the OCS victim trying to figure out what it was that caused such bizarrely dysfunctional behavior.

A couple of well regarded American shrinks are onboard regarding OCS. One being G. Stanley Hall, who refers to OCS as a disease. And another, a protege of Freud, Alfred Adler, who believed "only children" were deficient, having been pampered and spoiled by their parents to the point that it later caused interpersonal difficulties whenever the OC perceived that he/she was not universally liked and admired. (I have certainly experienced that OCS trait up close and personal)

My own worst personal OCS case hits bingo on all the OCS stereotypes. Prime among them is an epic cluelessness as to how transparent the aberrant behavior is to observers. My worst case can verbalize, via written word, a spiteful diatribe that is so full of ironic hypocrisies and self-revealing thought processes, that it leaves the reader both appalled and very amused.

The reason this occurs is that in worse case OCS sufferers a very deviant form of psychological transference and projection occurs that is called malignant narcissism. In order to maintain the mindset that the only child is all good and their imagined enemies all bad, malignant narcissists project all the unacceptable parts of themselves onto those enemies. Thus, they will consistently accuse them of doing bad things, that they are in fact doing themselves (even as they deny doing them).

If an only child feels threatened by a supposedly evil enemy, aggressive behavior toward the imaginary malevolent adversary is morally justified as mere self defense in the mind of the only child. When antisocial traits are added to the mix, the malignant narcissus is willing to lie and violate both rules and the rights of others without compunction or interference of a conscience in the service of the Only Child's deluded righteousness. The malignant narcissistic Only Child feels heroic for lying, cheating, stealing and wreaking havoc with people's lives in their twisted battle against imaginary evil.

The above 2 paragraphs are taken from a psych textbook. They are so on target that all I can say is "Bulls Eye." And "Bingo."

I would go into a detailed analysis of the sadly revelatory nature of my worst case OCS's latest twisted diatribe, but I've already used up too many words on this particular musing about this subject. I've heard from several victims of OCS who want to read more on this subject. I'll continue to do my part to help shed some light, despite getting rather sad, threatening, missives, stereotypically Only Child Syndrome, in nature, from a very sad OC.

I'll end with copying yesterday's missive from an Only Child calling her/himself "Spoiled Brat...

"I have to admit that I also suffer from this syndrome! I am the only-child and I find it quite difficult to express my feelings. This could be because I was over protected as a child and wasn't allowed to express my feelings much. Most people who are only children have the tendency to regress to children when they don't get their way or think they are not being heard.

"Waaaaaahhhhh...Look at ME!" LOL

Even as a 24 year old, I still have problems communicating with others. While most people tend to like me, its hard for me to form a real bond. I agree with the excerpt you had from another blog, I have also cut groups of people out of my life without any remorse or afterthought. it could be defensive mechanism because as an only child, you are forced to take care of yourself.

Also, when I was younger, I got picked on a lot because I had glasses and bushy hair. I had to fight for myself on a daily basis!!! This could be another reason why I don't easily form bonds with people.

What makes it worse is, I have a half sister, but I still consider myself the only child because I wasn't raised in the same household as her. I remember when I was 19 and I told my Dad, "I wish it was just me.." before I could even stop myself. His eyes got big like I threatened kill my little sister or something!LOL so yeah, I believe that most children who don't have siblings have problems forming an emotional bond with anyone, but it is something I am working on."