Eat All The Lard You Want, Stay Thin With Sanitized Tapeworms

In one of the lesser insulting remarks, in a month filled with them, when I was in Tacoma, last year, in what is now known as Hell Summer, one of my relatives suggested the reason I was so skinny, and yet able to eat like a pig, was because I likely had a tapeworm.

I am not kidding. This was the type elevated discourse I was subjected to. No, it couldn't be that I was skinny due to getting sufficient exercise and eating properly. No. I had a tapeworm.

So, this morning Alma, the Songbird of the Texas Gulf Coast, sent me a lot of good stuff. Including old ads. Two of the ads had to do with food. One was a diet method, the other suggested a food that would make you happy.

The diet ad claimed you could Eat! Eat! Eat! and always stay thin. No diet, No baths, no exercise, claiming, Fat, the ENEMY that is shortening your life, BANISHED! How? With Sanitized Tape Worms. Jar packed. Easy to Swallow! No ill effects!

Now, if you get the Sanitized Tape Worms, you could then eat all you want of the other thing advertised, that being LARD. No dieting, no exercise, eat all the lard you want, without the worry of becoming a lard ass.

I can think of a person. Or two. Who I would not mind slipping a Tape Worm. Or two. That person, or two, already eats plenty of lard and, unfortunately already is a lard ass. But the Tape Worm can reverse that condition.