Phone Interview With Michelle Obama Over Lobsters

After I heard my favorite amusing bloviator, Rush Limbaugh, rant about Michelle Obama's alleged lobster binging at the Waldorf-Astoria, I blogged about it. Since then any number of search strings looking for info about Mrs. Obama's supposed seafood binge causes my blog to show up and thus people to read my version of the scandal, followed by comments.

After 2 weeks of it not letting up I decided it was time someone somewhere asked Michelle Obama directly what was up with all that lobster. It was a little more difficult to get Mrs. Obama on the phone than some people I call, but I have my ways of getting through. I won't say I'm always totally scrupulous, but I'm always on the side of truth, justice and the American Way.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008, 11:45---2 Weeks after Lobster-Gate began, Mrs. Obama answered her cell phone. What follows is as accurate a transcript of the conversation that transpired that my limited technical abilities could muster....

Durango---Well, let's get right to it. On Wednesday, October 15, the afternoon of your husband's last debate, it has been alleged, all over the Internet, that you ordered lobster appetizers, 2 steamed lobsters, Iranian caviar and champagne from room service at the Waldorf-Astoria. Is this true?

Mrs. O---Why would I be in the Waldorf-Astoria the afternoon of my husband's last debate? I don't like lobster and I don't think I've ever tasted caviar that I liked, Iranian or otherwise.

Durango---Okay, but you aren't exactly denying being in the Waldorf-Astoria. Or eating lobster. You could eat it and not like it. And you could be in the Waldorf and later at the debate. And no one likes caviar.

Mrs. O---I'm not saying I couldn't or I didn't or I wouldn't.

Durango---What are you saying?

Mrs. O---I'm saying it's nobody's business, but mine, what I eat, when I eat it or where I eat it.

Durango---Yes, you can say it's nobody's business, but there are a lot of people out there, like Rush Limbaugh, who are making it their business, claiming that your expensive lobster habit proves you and your husband are elitists. Or something like that.

Mrs. O---(Laughing) I could not get my husband to eat something like lobster or caviar no matter what power of persuasion I used.

Durango---No one is talking about your husband's taste in lobster, it is your lobster gorging that has the country talking.

Mrs. O---I don't understand why people would worry about such a thing.

Durango---Well, there isn't a lot going on out there, that and I guess there is some worry that if you'd spend almost $500 at the Waldorf-Astoria, for some expensive seafood, fish eggs and booze, that you might be a real expensive First Lady ordering who knows what from who knows where for State Dinners. I guess there is some concern that we've never had an elitist with expensive tastes in the White House before.

Mrs. O--- I must admit I am very flattered that people think of me as an elitist with expensive tastes, that's one of the nicest compliments I've ever received, but it just isn't true. If anything, given my actual tastes, people might want to worry that I'll call up the Colonel and order in a ton of Kentucky Fried Chicken with all the fixin's for a State Dinner. If I'd been caught ordering from the KFC drive-up window would the Internet be all abuzz over my bad tastes? Sometimes you just can't win. So I don't try. Let people think what they want.

Durango---Are you saying this interview is over?

Mrs. O---Yes, and it has been very nice talking with you. Goodbye. Come see us in the White House. We'll order in. But not from the Waldorf.

Durango---Thanks for your time and for the invite to the White House. I'll be looking forward to it. Couldn't you just have the White House kitchen whip up some lobsters instead of ordering in?