Saturday, January 30, 2010

The Wild Woman Of Woolley Tells You Things Your Burglar Won't Tell You

There is a town in Washington called Sedro Woolley. There is a group in that town that is called the "Wild Women of Woolley."

I think I must have mentioned my Fort Worth neighborhood's increase in burglaries, and armed robberies, to the Wild Woman of Woolley, who for privacy purposes, I refer to as Miss CVB.

This morning Miss CVB sent me 21 anti-burglar tips.

Friends of mine in Seattle have had their house broken into twice, with one of the times the burglars were an organized gang that had a little kid do the initial break-in, going through a small window opening, witnessed by a neighbor.

So, I've seen first hand how traumatic it is to have your house trashed and your stuff taken. If the Wild Woman of Woolley, Miss CVB's, 21 tips could possibly cause someone somewhere to do something that might thwart such a trauma, I guess that's a good reason to print the tips here....

Things Your Burglar Won't Tell You:

1. Of course I look familiar. I was here just last week cleaning your carpets, painting your shutters, or delivering your new refrigerator.

2. Hey, thanks for letting me use the bathroom when I was working in your yard last week. While I was in there, I unlatched the back window to make my return a little easier.

3. Love those flowers. That tells me you have taste ... and taste means there are nice things inside. Those yard toys your kids leave out always make me wonder what type of gaming system they have.

4. Yes, I really do look for newspapers piled up on the driveway. And I might leave a pizza flyer in your front door to see how long it takes you to remove it.

5. If it snows while you're out of town, get a neighbor to create car and foot tracks into the house. Virgin drifts in the driveway are a dead giveaway.

6. If decorative glass is part of your front entrance, don't let your alarm company install the control pad where I can see if it's set. That makes it too easy.

7. A good security company alarms the window over the sink. And the windows on the second floor, which often access the master bedroom-and your jewelry. It's not a bad idea to put motion detectors up there too.

8. It's raining, you're fumbling with your umbrella, and you forget to lock your door-understandable. But understand this: I don't take a day off because of bad weather...

9. I always knock first. If you answer, I'll ask for directions somewhere or offer to clean your gutters. (Don't take me up on it.)

10. Do you really think I won't look in your sock drawer? I always check dresser drawers, the bedside table, and the medicine cabinet.

11. Helpful hint: I almost never go into kids' rooms.

12. You're right: I won't have enough time to break into that safe where you keep your valuables. But if it's not bolted down, I'll take it with me.

13. A loud TV or radio can be a better deterrent than the best alarm system. If you're reluctant to leave your TV on while you're out of town, you can buy a $35 device that works on a timer and simulates the flickering glow of a real television. (Find it at

14. Sometimes, I carry a clipboard. Sometimes, I dress like a lawn guy and carry a rake. I do my best to never, ever look like a crook.

15. The two things I hate most: loud dogs and nosy neighbors.

16. I'll break a window to get in, even if it makes a little noise. If your neighbor hears one loud sound, he'll stop what he's doing and wait to hear it again. If he doesn't hear it again, he'll just go back to what he was doing. It's human nature.

17. I'm not complaining, but why would you pay all that money for a fancy alarm system and leave your house without setting it?

18. I love looking in your windows. I'm looking for signs that you're home, and for flat screen TVs or gaming systems I'd like. I'll drive or walk through your neighborhood at night, before you close the blinds, just to pick my targets.

19. Avoid announcing your vacation on your Facebook page. It's easier than you think to look up your address.

20. To you, leaving that window open just a crack during the day is a way to let in a little fresh air. To me, it's an invitation.

21. If you don't answer when I knock, I try the door. Occasionally, I hit the jackpot and walk right in.


Steve A said...

22. Never leave your home address programmed into your GPS. Instead, use an address nearby. No point in giving the burglar turn-by-turn directions on how to get there! This is particularly important if your GPS gets stolen while you are at a Cowboys game or a movie. The burglars will know exactly when you are planning to come home.

Anonymous said...

Taurus makes a 45/.410 pistol that's it perfect for tagging people with pellets and making them easy to spot in the ER. If the keep coming you can use the bigger slug that shows up great on a xray.