The Real Housewives of New York City

Awhile ago Lulu asked me if I'd seen a new Bravo reality show about New York housewives. Lulu had previously liked a west coast version of this show, that being one about the Real Housewives of Orange County. Lulu was perplexed by the New York City housewives. She said they seemed like women from an alien planet, while the OC housewives seemed like people she'd met before. I guess that may be because Lulu is a west coast girl.

So, I happened upon the Real Housewives of NYC one day. I quickly got what Lulu meant.

Here's a blurb from the Bravo website about this show:

"The new series features an elite and powerful set of New York socialites as they juggle their careers and home lives with busy calendars packed with charity fund-raising galas, the social whirl of the Hamptons, and interviews for elite private schools. These driven and ambitious women show everyone what it takes to make it in the upper echelon of society, where money and status are an essential way of life."

Every time these women meet each other they do this weird kissing on both cheeks thing. Then they comment on how the other is looking real good. Over and over again. I've never seen women so obsessed over how they look. They're always saying what beautiful, strong women they are.

One is named Jill. She drags along a guy she calls her gay husband. Jill reminds me of Barbra Streisand. She is one of the two housewives who are somewhat likable. The other likable one is named Bethenny. Bethenny has daddy and men issues. But she is not married, which is confusing, since she is not a housewife. On a show about housewives.

Then there is this one named LuAnn. She's a former model married to a French Count. Which makes LuAnn a Countess. Something she never lets your forget. LuAnn and family live in NYC. But had never been to the Statue of Liberty. Which isn't all that odd. I never visited some of the tourist attractions in Washington. But what makes it odd, in this case, is a big deal was made of the Countess's family visit to the Statue of Liberty. Why? To show the kids. Why? Because the Countess said the Count's family gave the United States the Statue. No, the Count corrected the Countess, "We presented the Statue to the United States." I don't think the Countess understood the difference. France gave us the statue, the Count's family delivered it.

And then there is Ramona. She is either on medication or needs to be. Ramona makes for good TV because she seems to be a nutcase. At one point Ramona wanted to go dancing. She talked Bethenny into dancing with her. Ramona danced like a spastic stripper doing a bad imitation of Elaine on Seinfeld. Ramona goes on and on about the need to put an effort into looking beautiful. While she dresses like a slutty teenager. Which is embarrassing to her daughter.

The oddest of these women, the oddest by far, is named Alex. Alex is married to Simon. Simon is an alcoholic with the droopiest bags under his eyes I've ever seen. Simon is French, I think. He speaks with a very odd, affected accent. Alex and Simon have bred, producing this horrible little brat named Franciose. I've no idea if that is how you spell that name. It's pronounced France-wa. The other housewives advised Simon and Alex that they needed to give the kid a nickname because he's gonna get beat up a lot if he goes around calling himself Franciose. Franciose has big bags under his eyes just like his dad. I've never seen that on a kid before. Alex and Simon have a French maid who only speaks French to their kids so that they will grow up bi-lingual.

Alex and Simon live in a run down house that needs a lot of fixing up. They think they are part of New York society. On and on they go about their society connections. Simon at one point was thrilled to see his wife's back in a photo on the society page of the NY Times. Simon and Alex paid $10,000 for tickets to some season opening thing. And another 10 grand for Alex's dress. They took a limo to the show, but got stuck in traffic. They decided to hoof it. It was very amusing watching Alex in her 10K dress running to hobnob. Sadly, the hobnobbing turned out to be making eye contact with famous people, as in they later bragged about all the eye contact they made with famous people, like Jane Fonda. I'm pretty certain any eye contact was caused by this pair being such a weird looking couple.

Which leads to the most disturbing thing. During the course of the show nude photos of Alex appeared on the Internet. At the NYC Housewive's reunion show Alex was asked about the nude photos. This caused Ramona to run off the stage in horror and Bethenny to ask if the photos just showed New York or did they go all the way to Florida. Alex said they only went to New York, as in they were totally tasteful topless photos that her husband took.

Well. I have seen the photos. Not only do they go all the way to Florida, they go to South Florida, they go deep into the Everglades and all the way to Key West. The photos are gynecologically graphic. This was not a stimulating thing to see, more the opposite. I had a bad case of ED that lasted at least a week and couldn't have been helped by intravenous Viagra til the images finally faded from my memory.

There is going to be a second season of The Real Housewives of New York City. That's disturbing.