Tuesday, June 17, 2008

ABC's The Bachelorette 4 & Me

Go here for this morning's blogging about last night's Bachelorette final episode.

Last night I was tired and in a foul mood. I needed mindless, stupid, escapist television to put my mood in a better place. So, I decided, no matter how boring or appalling I found it, I was going to watch an entire episode of The Bachelorette.

I did not know, at the time, this was a 2 hour commitment, with the first hour called "DeAnna Tells All." I didn't want to know all. I don't remember much of that hour. My mind must have wandered. I do remember they went to Vail, Colorado to visit the only married couple to result from one of these shows. The husband part of this pair did not seem a happy fellow. And the skin all around his eyes was an odd shade of blue. I don't think it was eye shadow. His name is Ryan, the wife's name is Trista. I've seen this pair on TV before.

And then the second hour began. There are 6 potential husbands remaining. In this episode she must get rid of 2 and then next week take the other 4 to their hometowns to meet their friends and family. Most of the conversation on the show revolved around DeAnna's overarching concern regarding those visits.

The show started with the Outhouse boys being let out and with everyone taken to Palm Springs for a week of heavy dating.

I read someone describe this DeAnna person as having the personality of a gnat. I get what they mean now. If, of all the video footage they must have filmed, if what they show is the best they had to work with, well, that's just sad.

I've seldom listened to so many stilted conversations. She's so earnest about her search for a husband. It's a process, we hear again and again. That takes 4 weeks. You develop a lifelong relationship, in 4 weeks, with cameras recording your meetings with your potential mate.

One of the ones she booted she first took on a ride up the Palm Springs Tramway. They had dinner outside in the cold and a lot of stilted conversation where he, whatever his name was, professed his growing feelings for her, now that they've finally been alone. Except for the camera crew.

She took another guy on a very weird date. I remember his name. Jeremy. A very boring lawyer from Dallas, who claims to work til 10pm every night, yet still finds time to hit the gym, what appeared to be excessively, as he looked like a skinny Schwarzenegger. Is a guy who works til 10pm each night, and then hits the gym, good husband material?

So, for her date with musclebound Jeremy, DeAnna drove him, in a vintage car, to the late Frank Sinatra's house where much hilarity ensued as they badly karaoked a Frank Sinatra song. Their conversation was painful to listen to. This girl does not have the slightest bit of wit to her. And then, suddenly, they were in robes. Apparently, their swimming suits had been smuggled in. And so they swam in Frank's pool. Jeremy was a tad funny when he apologized to Sinatra for the singing and other desecrations of Frank's house.

At one point, DeAnna stuck the boys in helicopters, with one weird guy named Twille, I think, getting what they call "one on one time" with DeAnna. Unfortunately Twille has a motion sickness problem, so DeAnna spent most of the flight worrying that Twille was "gonna puke on me." He didn't. But when they landed he couldn't figure out how to open the door.

The reason for the copter ride was to get out to the desert to participate in one of DeAnna's favorite things. Riding an ATV. She was a real wild woman at it. She was not impressed with how wussy some of the guys were, but was impressed with how masterful a short, professional snowboarder was, named, I think, Jesse. She was not impressed with what a weeny Twille was on the ATVs. So, he got the boot.

Regarding Jesse, later, now slightly smitten with him due to his ATV riding skills, back at the house, sitting at a table, looking longingly into Jesse's eyes, DeAnna desperately wanted him to kiss her. He didn't. She lamented about this later. DeAnna's seems to have no problem with doing a lot of smooching, sometimes quite ardently. During the period while they were all in the yard and she got no smooch from Jesse, she did do smooching with each of the other guys, I think. The ones who weren't currently doing the smooching could see this going on. Very romantic to watch your future wife being busy with other guys. That session ended with DeAnna and Graham embracing tightly in a hammock, to the chagrin of the other boys.

And then there's this guy from Kirkland, WA, that's a suburb of Seattle. He seems like a nice guy. But he's got a 3 year old kid. I figured his wife must have died. But, no, it was a divorce. He doesn't have sole custody. Isn't that a redflag in dating world? Young divorced guy, with kid?

And then there is the guy the other guys seem to think is her favorite. His name is Graham. I read in Survivor Sucks that he has claimed to be celibate. In previews his own mother told DeAnna that Graham has never had a relationship last longer than 4 weeks. It appeared from the previews that this leads to a lot of crying and claims of betrayal. I assumed this was directed at Graham. Graham is an interesting name. It makes me think cracker.

For the booting the 6 guys arrived and were quite perplexed, because usually DeAnna is there to greet them, while a cocktail party takes place where each guy can once more make his case to stay and declare his undying love that he's found. In 3 weeks. But, DeAnna did not want to put them through this living hell, because she had made up her mind, so there was no use prolonging the agony. What a sweet, sensitive girl. The guys seemed more upset, though, that they weren't getting their usual cocktail party. And the bootees did not seem all that upset at leaving this trainwreck.

Anyway, I made it through 2 hours of this, with very little channel chasing. Now that I've seen the whole appalling thing it is more bizarre to me than ever. What sort of fool thinks this is the way to find a mate? With tv cameras running. In 4 weeks.

I'll admit the show had some amusing moments. Though I think they were all unintentional. Like the bootees were all more interested in hugging the other guys and saying fond farewells to them than they were in saying goodbye to the one who had rejected them. The host of this show is funny too, in that he seems to take it all very serious, almost like it is all part of some weird religion and he's running the church service.

I won't be watching again. Unless I'm in a very foul mood.

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