Mom & Dad Are Heading West Away From The Ol' South

I drove to Mom & Dad's temporary Arlington abode this morning before 9 to lead them out of Fort Worth, with a stop at the Ol' South Pancake House on the way out of town.

I didn't gain any weight during my month, last summer, in Tacoma. I think I've gained 10 pounds during the 5 days Mom & Dad were here.

This morning I had a big Greek Omelet with 3 big pancakes. It's been years since I've had a pancake.

My aerobic exercise, the past week, has been driving 100s of miles a day. And talking. In Tacoma, I think I burned a lot of calories due to the stress of verbal harassment, a lot of hiking and doing things, like walk 6 miles to escape dementia to return to relative sanity. With a McDonald's stop midway.

I did my chauffeuring in Mom & Dad's big new van. I don't think they liked the idea of being crammed into my little car. That's Mom & Dad standing in front of their big new van, with my little bitty car next to it and the Ol' South Pancake House behind them.

After we were done at the Ol' South Pancake House I led Mom & Dad back to the I-30 freeway and got them safely out of Fort Worth. They are not taking the freeway back to Phoenix. They are going to go the old-fashioned 2 lane route, via Highway 180, exiting I-20 about 20 miles west of Fort Worth.

The first town they'll come to is Weatherford. I told them about the food-poisoning bout I had after eating a burger in Weatherford. I doubt they'll be getting a Weatherford burger, due to it being too soon after breakfast, not due to the food-poisoning warning.

The next town they'll come to is Mineral Wells. So, I told them why there is a monster old building in that little town, that being the Baker Hotel. I knew it would perplex them as much as it did me when I first saw it.

It was fun having Mom & Dad here. I'd worried about what I'd find for them to do. That turned out to be no problem. Next time I will remember not to worry. They are returning in 2015.

Mom And Dad Do Dallas

Well, I had me another day with Mom and Dad. My day started sometime between 2 and 3 this morning. I picked up Mom and Dad a bit after 10.

Dallas was on the agenda for today. For the most part. Headed east on I-30, entered downtown Dallas via the infamous Triple Overpass. I was heading to the Dallas Farmers Market.

The Market was not very busy so we were able to park inside the shed. Mom seemed a bit worried that one is not supposed to do that.

The Parental Units got some blueberries and nuts. Then it was off to the Texas State Fairgrounds, known as Fair Park. I did not realize, til today, that you can drive all over the fairgrounds. I thought there were guard posts to stop that type activity. So, I was able to drive the entire fairgrounds. Pointing out where Big Tex stands, among other things, like driving right up to the Cotton Bowl. The entry to the actual football field was open. I could have driven down there. But, Mom would have had a panic attack. Anyway, Mom and Dad have now had a visit to the Texas State Fair. Sort of. Including the Carnival Midway.

I headed over to White Rock Lake en route to one of the World's Most Unique McDonald's. I drove them by White Rock Lake the last time they were here, but both were passed out that time. So, today they thought they'd never been there before.

After White Rock Lake I drove west on Mockingbird to the 75 Freeway to head north over the Big 5 Exchange to I-635. I'd not been over it since it was finished. I liked it. Dallas has made it much more colorful than Fort Worth has with its Mixmaster.

Exited 635 at Monforth. That's where the McDonald's is. Neither Mom or Dad remembered being there before. I have photo evidence to the contrary. They did a shadowy pose in front of the Giant Happy Meal, before going in and having some wraps, cheeseburgers, fries and hot fudge sundaes.

After McDonald's I headed south on Preston, back towards Downtown Dallas. This goes through some areas of big houses. Mom likes seeing those. Drove up Turtle Creek. That's scenic. Headed to the Victory Park development to show them the American Airlines Center and all the other stuff there.

Then it was on to I-35 E, to head north and get off at I-183, to drive by the soon to be defunct Texas Stadium, then on to Los Colinas in Irving. Around then I was informed a restroom break was needed. So, I headed back east on Northwest Highway to a Sam's Club. Some shopping for leftover Christmas bargains ensued.

Then it was back on the road, heading west on I-121, towards Grapevine. My eventual destination was Babes in Roanoke. I went via Flower Mound. I knew my Mom would find suddenly being out in the country to be interesting. We got to Babes. It didn't open for a half hour. So, I drove them by Cabelas and some other stuff and then back to Babes.

Babes Chicken Dinner House is always good. We got 2 orders of chicken and 2 orders of chicken-fried steak. This comes with salad, creamed corn, biscuits and mashed spuds and gravy. It's served family style with the chicken and chicken fried steaks on one big platter. And the other stuff in its own bowls. You can ask for more of all the fixin's, except for the meat products. I ate a lot of biscuits.

We had the usual incident with the Baby Rattler at Babes and all the waitresses did a long line dance routine. It was cute and amusing. Mom and Dad seemed to like it.

After Babes it was a long drive south on 377 to I-820, then a quick jaunt back to their temporary abode, then me back to mine.

Tomorrow I'm going to be at their place about 9 to escort them out of the Metroplex, stopping at the Old South Pancake House on the way. I'll take one more picture of them in their cowboy hats and then see them sail off into the west.

Phoenix, they are heading your way in the morning. They are taking the scenic route, not the Interstate method they used to get here earlier than expected.

Flooding State of Emergency in Washington

I knew that on Wednesday the Western Washington zone was getting hit by a big tropical storm which was bringing warm temperatures and a lot of wet stuff. These type storms melt the snowpack in the Cascades, causing flooding in the lowlands. Particulary when the lowlands are already saturated and are being hit with several inches of rain, while the mountains get about a foot of the wet stuff, which adds more water to the melting snow.

What is happening up there right now is record breaking, a flood of historic proportions, forcing the biggest evacuation in Washington history.

Tacoma has declared a state of emergency. The Puyallup River has gone over its banks. The Puyallup empties into Tacoma's Commencement Bay. Over 40,000 people have been asked to evacuate. That is the Puyallup River in the picture. Workers are trying to clear a log jam. A log jam and a flood can bring down a bridge.

Everyone living in the Orting Valley of the Puyallup was told to leave as the river continues to rise.

The flooding is going into populous areas and industrial zones where flooding has not occurred before. Tacoma's central wastewater treatment plant is in jeopardy.

Transportation is at a standstill in Western Washington. Interstate 5 is covered with water by Fife. Fife is a town just east of Tacoma. South of Olympia I-5 is also under water. All the mountain passes are closed, due to avalanches and mudslides.

Up in my old hometown zone, that being Mount Vernon and the Skagit Valley, mudslides have hit homes, dozens of roads are blocked by water or mudslides. From what I just read in the Skagit Valley Herald, it would appear I've got one friend trapped by water and slides. Are you homebound again, Nancy? Is it being as bad up there as it seems to be from what I'm reading?

Downtown Mount Vernon has narrowly escaped being buried in water, several times. I've been part of sandbagging brigades building a wall on the dike that protects downtown Mount Vernon. Last year a new flood wall system was installed to protect downtown. I don't believe it has been put to use, yet.

They are having the worst winter in memory up in my old home zone. While down here in Texas it will be another blue sky day, hitting a high of 72. 75 tomorrow.

Mom & Dad Won't Take Off Their Cowboy Hats

I had me another day with Mom and Dad today. I picked them up, this morning, before 11. We drove up 360 to the town of Grapevine, then by the Great Wolf Lodge, en route to the Gaylord Texan Resort and Convention Center. The Christmas decorations were still up at the Gaylord, so Mom and Dad got to see Santa on his power boat pulling his reindeer on skis.

Leaving the Gaylord we drove across Grapevine Dam to Rockledge Park for the first photo-op of the day. Mom and Dad have really taken to wearing their cowboy hats. I think it helps them feel like they are fitting in with the natives.

After Rockledge we drove to see Austin Ranch in daylight. That's where I'd gone to a Christmas party in early December. I had never seen it in daylight and did not realize it actually is a ranch, of sorts.

After Austin Ranch it was on to Costco for a light free sample lunch. Then to check out Southlake Town Center. Then it was time for a QT stop for liquids, like coffee.

Then up to Bob Jones Park, looking at overly large houses along the way, including a perplexing castle. After driving around the Bob Jones Park zone we headed south down White Chapel Road to a REALLY BIG HOUSE zone. Then on to the Grapevine Highway, heading to Penneys at the Northeast Mall.

After way too much shopping, it was then on to the Airport Freeway, heading to the Stockyards, to Riscky's BBQ for All You Can Eat BBQ Ribs.

I dropped Mom and Dad off in front of Riscky's,
parked and ran back to them. They thought it too cold to sit outside, so inside we went. Our waitress was Brittney. She forgot our BBQ sauce. Mom didn't like her ribs til I asked Brittney if we could have some Riscky's Sauce. I like the ribs without sauce.

I ate several jalapenos, which led to my Mom biting in to one. That did not go well. Apparently she felt they were quite hot. I just thought they were tasty.

We went several rounds of getting more ribs and then it was over. Riscky's has added bone buckets since my last visit. The bone bucket quickly filled up, as you can see on the left.

Leaving the Stockyards zone, I could see I-35 was gridlock, so I drove backroads to this weird part of Haltom City that has all these wrecking yards and junky looking stuff. Very Third Worldly. Entering that zone there was a big anti-union protest group. Mom thought it looked dangerous and that we shouldn't proceed. I laughed and told her it was harmless.

Eventually we exited the Third World and re-entered civilization at Gateway Park. I showed Mom and Dad Fort Woof. There were a lot of dogs running around.

We left Gateway Park and drove Randoll Mill across a very old, narrow bridge. Mom kept being appalled by how many times we crossed the Trinity River. She was concerned as to how these people could afford to build so many bridges to cross one river.

It was then time to get on the freeway and drive Mom and Dad back to their current home in Arlington.

Tomorrow we are going to Dallas, to the Farmers Market. And then to McDonald's. They remembered and liked going to the Dallas Farmers Market on their last visit, but neither remembers going to one of the world's most unique McDonald's, so annointed by both me and the Travel Channel. I'll probably throw in a few other things to see in Dallas too. Maybe we'll drive by George and Laura's new house.

At Riscky's today my Dad announced they will be returning in 2015. Their last visit was in October, 2001, then this visit in January 2009. So, I guess the next logical date, in the sequence, is 2015. I don't know what month, though. I'm getting older. I don't know if I'll be able to keep up with them.

Israel, the Gaza Strip, Gas And My Mom & Dad

That's the view through my window at this very moment, at 10am, as I sit at the keyboard. It's a blue sky day in Texas.

I have absolutely nothing that is giving me an urge to be blogged about. Nothing.

I would blog about the current Israeli/Gaza Strip Middle East conflict. But it just makes me cranky. Israel shows great restraint for a ridiculous amount of time. And finally decides to do something about the incoming rockets. And then the world reacts. Where was the world's condemnation of Hamas during the month upon month of firing rockets into Israel?

And then you have those who deny that the Holocaust ever happened. And are now comparing Israel to the Nazis. It's like there is way too much insanity running way too rampant in the world.

I forgot about the sudden jump in gas prices. I don't know why it went up 20 cents over night. Did a couple of the Muslim nations cut us off of the black stuff?

I'm hoping it gets into the 70s by the time I take Mom and Dad to the Fort Worth Stockyards to go to Riscky's for BBQ Ribs, so we can sit at the outdoor patio.

My Mom wants to go to the Gulf Coast. I'm going to take them to Lake Grapevine today and try and convince them that it's saltwater. There are clams shells on the beach. And seagulls. The only thing missing is that telltale saltwater smell. And big waves.

Anyway, by the time I get back here, later today, I should have myself some blogging material.

Mom & Dad & The New Dallas Cowboy Stadium

Well, I have had me a day. I've been up since 4am. I left to get my Mom and Dad about 10 this morning. Traffic was backed way up on I-30, due to all the highway construction by Collins Street.

I got to my Mom and Dad about 11. Loaded them up and off we went. First off my Mom wanted to know where all the nearby fast food joints were. So, I showed them.

Then I drove them to the new Dallas Cowboy Stadium where they posed for me in their Cowboy hats. Then it was off to River Legacy Park. Then the Garden of Angels. Then the River Bottom Bar. By that point my Mom was getting hungry.

Mom asked if we had a Sweet Tomato restaurant. She wanted salad. I told her we were about 15 minutes from a Sweet Tomato. On the way there we passed my favorite Chinese buffet, that being the Super Bowl Buffet. For a minute or two it was debated if Mom wanted to go to the Super Bowl instead of Sweet Tomato.

We ended up at Sweet Tomato. It was my first time. It was good. Not as good as Fresh Choice used to be, but still good.

Mom kept being surprised by how big Arlington is, so after Sweet Tomato I decided to head south, down Matlock, til we escaped Arlington and the Metroplex.

That brought us to Hawaiian Falls in Mansfield. I then got on to 287 and headed towards downtown Fort Worth. Mom and Dad had a little sleep bout about that time.

I showed them some of the new stuff in downtown Fort Worth, like the now defunct Radio Shack Headquarters, soon to be Tarrant County Community College. I showed them the buildings that grew out of the tornado damage from 2000. The last time they were in Texas was soon after the tornado ripped through downtown Fort Worth.

I drove them through the cool new former Montgomery Wards, which has morphed into Montgomery Place. We drove through the "tunnel" and went to Super Target for some extensive shopping that included buying a bag of oranges. That perplexed me. They had given me about a half ton of citrus the day before.

After Super Target I drove them around the "Cultural District" showing them the new Museum of Modern Art, the Kimball Museum, the Amon Carter, the Cowgirl Museum, the Stock Show grounds and then on to the Botanic Garden.

After that I drove them down the very odd brick road known as Camp Bowie Boulevard. Mom wanted to go to a QT for a fountain drink. So, I turned off Camp Bowie, on to 183, and headed north. Right away there was a QT. That turned bizarre when some lady tried to work a scam on us.

Continuing north on 183 we went through River Oaks and then on to NE 28th Street til we got to the Stockyards zone. Drove through the Stockyards, showed them the Prison Break set. Continued on to Samuels Avenue to show them "Old Fort Worth" and all the development that will look down on the new "Town Lake." If it ever gets built.

Then back to the heart of downtown. Showed them the Sleeping Panther statue. And the new Omni Hotel. Mom and Dad both, even Mom, with her bad eyesight, thought those balconies were very disturbing.

I showed them the failed Sante Fe Rail Market that was supposed to be like Pike Place Market. They found that amusing. Then we got on Lancaster and headed under the Mixmaster, got on I-30, then off at Beach Street.

I drove down Scott Avenue and showed Mom and Dad the Mother Nature Shrine that weeps at the damage Chesapeake Energy has done to the Tandy Hills. Showed them the Tandy Hills. Then it was on to Oakland Park and then back on the freeway to deliver Mom and Dad back to their Studio Plus Apartment in Arlington.

Tomorrow I'm picking them up around the same time and taking them north to the Lake Grapevine zone. Lunch of free samples at Costco. Then back to Fort Worth and the Stockyards for All You Can Eat BBQ Ribs at Riscky's.

Fort Worth Bad Design vs. Good Design Elsewhere

That's Fort Worth's Omni Convention Center Hotel on the left. I blogged about that building recently and how, in my opinion, it is one bad looking building, mostly due to all those huge, scaffold-looking balconies, cantilevered from the sides. Those balconies look dangerous. And ridiculous.

So, I was reading the Seattle P-I this morning. There was an article, the likes of which I have never seen in the Fort Worth Star-Telegram, that being a detailed architectural critique of some new buildings. I think it may be the absence of this type of critical analyses and watchful eyes that leads to such ridiculous looking buildings as the new Omni Hotel. And others that sort of blight what little there is of Fort Worth's skyline.

Just the opening paragraphs of the P-I article are telling in their contrast to what could appear in the Star-Telegram. For instance, the reference to "Nietzsche." The vast majority of the Star-Telegram's readers would not have the slightest clue as to who or what "Nietzsche" might be. And hence the dumbing down of that newspaper.

I'll copy the first two paragraphs of the P-I article, and follow that with another 2 paragraphs that talk about 2 new high-rises in Bellevue and their well done balconies that don't stick out like "diving boards." And following that 2 more paragraphs, including one referencing Dallas.

"Watching the dizzying phalanx of new high-rises sprouting in downtown Seattle and Bellevue, you'd assume they're all about economics -- betting on maximum return from minimum footprint on ground -- and you'd be mostly right. Nietzsche explained the rest: Architecture is the expression of human pride, our triumph over gravity, and the "oratory of power."

For too many of the towers prickling the Puget Sound sky, that oratory amounts to crude, stentorian bellowing. But developers and architects are learning from these city-killing disasters, and the early 21st century is shaping up as a happier time for skylines. The current crop of towers sports more interesting sculptural shapes, more color, better detailing, and sometimes a friendlier relationship to the person on the street. Favorable developments all."

I see at least 3 words in the above 2 paragraphs that could not be used in the Star-Telegram, due to that dumbing down problem.

And now 2 more paragraphs, with the second one referencing the building's balconies.

"The near-twin Bellevue Towers are the best pieces in the suburb's entire skyline, and the most sculpturally ambitious high-rise shapes in either city. The asymmetrical five-sided forms, skewed 22 degrees on axis from each other, guarantee they'll never look the same from any two viewpoints on the ground, and there is a wealth of intriguing pleats and tucks in their skins.

Those tucks don't just relieve visual monotony. They form partially enclosed residential balconies, a deft solution to one of the persistent problems in high-rise residential living. A balcony cantilevered off the side of a skyscraper can feel very much like a 400-foot-high diving board, which is why so many of them are deserted. These Bellevue balconies feel embraced and protected by the building."

And then in a paragraph about growth-drunk city councils we get a reference to Dallas.

"And there we arrive at the question of whether the expression of power has any relationship to quality of life. Developers don't bother themselves with such questions, and rarely do growth-drunk city councils. The Manhattanization of Seattle and the Dallasizing of Bellevue are good for the civic ego, and for the few who can buy these pieces of the sky to live in, but what else?"

With the article ending with a self-deprecating remark about Seattle, the type of self-aware type remark you'd never see in the Star-Telegram. In Fort Worth, instead, we tell ourselves, ours, is a uniquely wonderful city, that is the envy of other cities, nationwide. This is what is known as "Civic Delusion."

"That might have nipped this boom in the bud. Then again, it might have transformed Seattle into the uniquely wonderful city we keep telling ourselves it is."

Go here to read the entire article, "On Architecture: Four new high-rises stroke civic egos, with style," to read critiques of several new buildings in the Puget Sound zone. And if any of you reading this are Star-Telegram readers, have you ever read an article, in that paper, remotely approaching the quality of this one? And can you not see how having such critical eyes looking at what is built in a city can help a city avoid making mistakes, like what Fort Worth has had happen with that hideous Omni Hotel? No amount of Star-Telegram lipstick on a pig type propaganda is going to change the fact that the Omni Hotel is one very bad design.

Mom & Dad Are Here In Texas

I've had me a day. First off, we had that freezing rain thing, which went on way longer than it was supposed to. The roads never seemed slippery, but there was a lot of icicle action. And falling cold wet stuff.

I had told my Mom, 2 days ago, that Monday would be bad here. That's okay, she told me, we'll get there Tuesday.

About 11 this morning my Mom called. And said they were passing Abilene.

What? I was appalled. They were a bit over 2 hours from here. Heading into ice. I told them to call when they reached Fort Worth and I'd guide them in.

Three hours went by. The ice continued to fall. So, I called. My Mom answered. She told me they were in Arlington. What? Why didn't you call? I told them to get off at the first exit they came to in Arlington and I'd come find them. I asked, do you see the Fielder exit? Cooper? Collins? Then I heard my Dad say they were not in Arlington.

My Dad then told my Mom they were in Fort Worth. That they were going through a big freeway exchange. I ask if they've gone by downtown Fort Worth. My Dad says, yes. I then tell them to continue on til they get to the Bridge Street exit, get off the freeway there, take a left and then a right to Home Depot and I'd find them.

I hurry to Home Depot. My phone rings. It's my Dad. He tells me they got off at Ridgmar like they were supposed to, but can find no Home Depot. Ridgmar? You are in west Fort Worth? That freeway exchange you went through was the 820/30 exchange? You haven't gone by downtown Fort Worth yet?

When I figured out where they were I told Dad to get back on the freeway and continue east. I told them I'd head west and then come up behind them. So, I drove west to the Beach Street exit, got off, then back on the freeway on-ramp, heading east and waited for a white van from Arizona.

About 5 minutes later, another call, they think they are lost. Right then I see them, tell them a dark gray car will come up behind them, pass, honk and for them to follow. I then led them to the Studio Plus place I'd gotten for them earlier. Checking in went well.

After visiting for awhile I decided it was time to go. But first we had to unload all their stuff. It was a pouring cold rain. They had a trunk load of stuff to give me. That's a picture of some of it above. I have enough citrus to open a fruit stand. A bag of huge lemons, a couple types of oranges and a big box of grapefruit.

In addition to the citrus, in that same picture, you'll see a big ham and a big bag of my Mom's homemade jerky. It's good stuff.

And my one longtime reader may remember last summer my Mom and Dad making oodles of raspberry jam, while they were interred as day laborers at my little sister's. It was scandalous, at the time, that I did not want to take any jam back on the plane with me. Well, I have had me delivered a supply of jam in a variety of berries. I did not hear raspberry mentioned. Boysenberry, marionberry, blackberry and strawberry, but no raspberry. I guess I am destined to never taste of those raspberries I sacrificed so much for, last summer, helping to fill the almost insatiable need for more raspberries.

I'm going to go get the Parental Units in the morning and have fun with them til they are worn out. I don't know how long that will take. I may get worn out first.

Early Incoming Mom and Dad In Freezing Rain

The forecast was for freezing rain. Ending by noon. It is past noon now. And the freezing rain continues to fall. There are icicles.

I told my Mom on Saturday that we were predicted to have freezing rain on Monday. She told me they would get here on Tuesday.

Right after that a pipeline broke somewhere, shutting off my water. What to do for lunch, I wondered. The water is back running now.

Around 10 this morning I made them a reservation, for tomorrow, at a Studio Plus. Right after that my Mom is on the phone telling me they are almost here, as in at 11am they were passing Ablilene. When I got that call I already had my day planned and was about to head out the door.

So, I called Studio Plus and told them they were 2 or 3 hours out and could we move the reservation up a day. No problem. The Studio Plus has a nice kitchen. Maybe my Mom will have a cooking project. If I were like my little sister I'd assign her one. Or two.

I quickly changed my plans, wrapped their Xmas presents that I'd procrastinated, took care of some other things. And now I wait.

This drippy gray freezing rain is a perfect metaphor for how I'm feeling right now.

There Goes The Neighborhood: George W. Bush Is Moving To Town

Signs are appearing in George and Laura Bush's new neighborhood in Dallas, welcoming them home. In about 15 more days. But, who is counting?

George and Laura's new house, on Daria Place, is way smaller than the White House. Only 8,500 square feet. Tom Hicks is their backyard neighbor. I think Tom Hicks is the guy who owns the Texas Rangers baseball team. Or maybe he's the manager.

I really don't pay much attention to the local sports stuff, except to know Mark Cuban owns the Dallas Mavericks, who play basketball, Jerry Jones, a heartless shell of a man, owns the Dallas Cowboys, with Tony Romo being their quarterback, with a lot of people here being unhappy with Tony and the Cowboys, because somehow the locals had convinced themselves that this was the year that not only would Dallas win a playoff game, they'd be in the Super Bowl. The Dallas Stars play hockey. I know one of their players is Mike Modano.

So, anyway, some local guy named Tom Hicks, who has some association with some local sports team, is going to live behind George W. and Laura. George used to own, or partly own, the Texas Rangers. I recently read the late Molly Ivins' excellent book about George called "Shrub." It is an amazing story how George came to have the money to buy into the Rangers. And somehow he never got in hot water for it, unlike poor ol' hapless Hillary and her commodity trading.

I don't know how many yards are sporting a "Welcome Home George & Laura" sign. You can order yourself one by calling 214.676.0728. I have no idea how much they cost, or really, why anyone would want one.

I also do not know if anyone has put a "George Bush Go Home. Anywhere But Here" sign in their yard. I suspect there are likely one or two somehow expressing that sentiment by some means.

Fort Worth: A Paradox

My one or two longtime readers may remember that I used to subscribe to the Fort Worth Star-Telegram. That paper provided me a lot of blogging fodder.

I still glance at the paper's online version and read the letters to the editor. There is such a contrast between the Fort Worth paper's letters to the editor and the Dallas Morning News letters to the editor. As in the Dallas paper has way fewer embarrassing ones.

This morning's Star-Telegram letters has one that perplexes me. I can't tell if the writer is being sarcastic, with heavy duty irony. Or what. I can't believe the writer is serious, due to their being so many ridiculous assertions, like Fort Worth's "10 year plan to end homelessness is amazing in its compassionate, yet pragmatic inspiration."

10 year plan? Compassionate and pragmatic? 10 years?

Fort Worth arts are "acclaimed nationwide."

Fort Worth's school system "has leadership that dares to really address our educational problems."

Our "Trinity River Vision is unbelievably far-reaching in its foresight of what can be accomplished in this city."

And my favorite, due to its use of the "envy of" verbiage that always makes me cringe, "Few would question that Fort Worth, led by its forward-thinking "first families," developed a vibrant downtown that is the envy of most cities."

Okay, on homelessness, Fort Worth sent out a task force to towns like Seattle and Denver to look at their successful homeless programs. The task force came back saying those programs were worth emulating. And it's gonna take 10 years?

Fort Worth's arts are acclaimed nationwide? You in the rest of the country, reading this, have you done a lot of acclaiming about Fort Worth's arts?

Fort Worth's school system is a disaster. How are the problems with high dropout rates, bad test scores and bad schools being addressed?

The Trinity River Vision is unbelievably far-reaching? Now this was the one that I thought the writer had to be being sarcastic, as in the River Vision is unbelievably far-reaching. It has never been voted on by the public. To fund it they had to come up with an un-needed river diversion channel, to replace humongous flood control levees that the public has already paid for. And to make it all work, in one of the weirdest cases of nepotism I've seen, Kay Granger's son was appointed to run the thing. Kay Granger being Fort Worth's representative in Congress, who now has a vested interest in trying to get funding for the Vision. So, her son can have a job.

Fort Worth's downtown is the envy of other cities? Okay, you reading this in other cities, are you envious of downtown Fort Worth? Do you even have the slightest inkling of what downtown Fort Worth looks like? Do you have any image in your memory of downtown Fort Worth? I have been to a lot of downtowns in big cities all over America. Fort Worth has the most unsubstantial skyline and downtown of any American city with a populaton over a half million. It's the only American city with a population over a half million with no downtown grocery or department store. It is the least lively downtown of a major city I've ever been in.

I'm not saying downtown Fort Worth is not a perfectly fine place. But to say other towns envy anything in downtown Fort Worth is ridiculous. What do you people, who think this type stuff, think the first time you visit the downtowns of Seattle or Denver or San Francisco or Portland or San Antonio, Dallas, Houston or Austin? Let alone New York City, Chicago, Miami, Phoenix or even Oklahoma City or Tulsa?

Anyway, below is the letter that I can't tell whether it is serious or joking....

Fort Worth, a paradox

As I was reading the Jan. 1 editorial, and the excellent column by County Judge Glen Whitley, I was struck by the paradox presented by Fort Worth and Tarrant County.

Few would question that Fort Worth, led by its forward-thinking “first families,” developed a vibrant downtown that is the envy of most cities; that our Trinity River Vision is unbelievably far-reaching in its foresight of what can be accomplished in this city; that our 10-year plan to end homelessness is amazing in its compassionate yet pragmatic inspiration; that our arts are acclaimed nationwide; that the Fort Worth school system has leadership that dares to really address our educational problems; plus many more examples that all of us could name.

Yet I read that Tarrant County is the most conservative county in the most conservative state in the nation. Our progressive actions and our accomplishments and goals belie that! Maybe we vote a certain way out of tradition or habit, when, if we really examine our values and actions, we would find we truly believe differently.

— Louise B. Carvey, Fort Worth

Corrupt Conflicts Of Interest Taking Over Fort Worth

UPDATED: 1/6/09--New info about the infamous map

UPDATED: 1/5/09--New input from a reliable source I will refer to as Deep Throat

That's a map on the left. Some call it an infamous map. Why, you ask? Well, that map was found at what is known as the Thomas well site. The Thomas well site is the Chesapeake Energy drill site that has stirred so much controversy due to it being next to Tandy Hills Park. And being part of the Tandy Hills.

So, why is this map infamous, you continue to ask? Well, the map belonged to and was made by Dunaway Associates. That's a consulting firm.

Big deal, you're thinking. Well, Jim Dunaway was one of the developers on the first Gas Drilling Task Force. The Task Force makes decisions regarding drilling. The company Jim Dunaway's father founded and ran for years is directly involved in the destruction of land next to Tandy Hills Natural Area. Dunaway work trucks have been photographed at the Thomas/Tandy Hills drilling site.

The infamous Thomas well site map gets most of its infamy due to the fact that, despite Chesapeake Energy applying for and getting approval for a single gas well permit at this particular site, the map clearly shows more than one gas well.

Task Force member, Gary Hogan, reports that Dunaway did not participate much in the first Task Force. Dunaway was replaced, early on, by Walsh Ranch representative, Rob Green. He being another pro-driller. Dunaway has extensive connections at city hall. Regardless of the amount of time Dunaway spent on the Task Force, this still was a fox in the chicken coop situation, with Dunaway later profitting from drilling operations he was, earlier, part of overseeing.

To help set government policy for some business activity from which you profit is generally thought of as a conflict of interest. This is usually frowned upon, sometimes to such a degree that those participating in such dubious deeds end up doing jail time and paying large fines.

Jim Dunaway is also a contributor to Mike Moncrief's election campaigns.

A reliable, anonymous source, I will call Deep Throat, had this to say about Jim Dunaway, "I'll quickly note, not for attribution, but for your info, that whenever I see Jim Dunaway associated with something I already know it's wrong and probably evil. He is a lowlife SOB that has not an inkling or care about the world we live in. Other than that, he is probably a fine person."

For some unfathomable reason, Mike Moncrief continues to avoid being charged with serious conflicts of interests, while Moncrief and his wife have substantial holdings in most of the gas drillers operating in Fort Worth. In other words, Moncrief profits from the operations he is part of regulating.

And in yet one more example of a conflict of interest, this morning I learned that Lead Gas Drilling Inspector, David Lunsford, now works for a pipeline company. Lunsford has been quoted as saying he rarely received complaints. Lunsford was known to dismiss gas drilling concerns out of hand. One can not help but wonder how much effort Lunsford put into protecting the public, when he had a cushy pipeline job waiting for him.

And then we have Don Behrens. Hired by the City of Fort Worth to consult and offer advice to the city and the Gas Drilling Task Force on sound mitigation. He is now selling products to Barnett Shale drillers. At one point Behrens had a monopoly on sound mitigation blankets. Behrens had a direct influence on the sound mitigation rules specified in the city's sound mitigation ordinance. Behrens misrepresented his Los Angeles drilling experience to the FW City Council and the Task Force.

Why are these type conflict of interests allowed in Fort Worth? I don't know. It's like there is no oversight.

I can't imagine the same type thing happening in Seattle. If the mayor had a vested interest in Starbucks he knows he would have to recuse himself from having any part in approving or disapproving some request from Starbucks. That's only common sense. Except in Fort Worth, where an entirely different set of rules apply to how things get done.

Only Child Syndrome Strikes Again

Commenting on Only Child Syndrome, someone told me that "Eric Cartman (South Park) is a spoiled only child of a mother who smothers him with attention and food. He’s a greedy, manipulative being, is a smartass and a foul-mouthed little brat, is vindictive & shallow AND a liar, a cheat, a smug winner and a backstabber!"

Yup, Cartman is just like one or two of the Only Children I know. Or used to know. Only Children tend to wear out their welcome. Or steal from you, swear at you, try to get even with you and in some way or the other stab you in the back.

When I first blogged about Only Child Syndrome I had no idea there were so many people out there dealing with the Syndrome. Every day there are people coming to my blog using various search strings, such as "Only Child Brat," or "Only Child Syndrome," or "Only Child Problem," or "Only Child Liar," or "Only Child Sickness," or "Only Child Disease."

If you scroll down til you see my FeedJit stats on the right, then at the bottom of that you can click "watch in real time" and you'll likely see one or two people looking for help in dealing with an Only Child.

I've gotten quite a few comments regarding Only Child Syndrome. This morning I got a real good one, which quotes me up til the LMAO part....

"Googling 'Only Child Syndrome' I found several blogs written by Only Children, basically admitting they are different and another blog blogging about the Syndrome with several Only Children commenting on the blog and ironically and cluelessly confirming the Syndrome with their comments."------LMAO. I googled the same and could not believe the comments that were being left by only children regarding the fact that in no way did they conform to such a terrible stereotype!!! They would then continue on to contradict themselves and be completely clueless that they had done it too! Hilarious! I am engaged to an only child. I deal with the very real syndrome every day of my life. Now, probably not all only children have it, but it exists. It DEFINITELY exists!!!!! "This is mine! I won't share it!" "Look at me!! I want attention!!!" " Waaaaaaaaah you made fun of me just like I just made fun of youuuuu only I cant handle it!!!" hahaha. I wish there were more blogs about this topic. Very interesting.

Well, if you're looking for more blogs about Only Child Syndrome, this morning I found one written by an Only Child, called "Only Child Syndrome: Confessions of a recovering only child."

One of the things I find most troubling with Only Children is their irrational, easily triggered tempers. The Only Child can say the rudest, most inappropriate of remarks, but if you reply in kind, the Only Child will erupt. I've known an Only Child who will erupt if she simply perceives you are somehow being critical of her. It can be over something as simple as saying "Take a right at the next intersection." or "The change is 6 dollars, give her 6 dollars."

If you deal with an Only Child you learn to avoid the triggers. So, this sort of makes the Only Child an overbearing bully. I have an aversion to someone yelling at me, particularly when it makes no sense and is caused by the yeller's screwed up thinking, so I definitely try to avoid the triggers.

If the Only Child makes a demand, like, "Hey, I want a flat of those raspberries," you have to weigh the situation carefully. You think to yourself, "they are my berries, I got them, I've got a use for them." You think to yourself, "I know the raspberries will just go to waste if I give this pig a flat." And then you conclude, "If I tell her I'm taking all 3 flats, she will lose her temper. She's already had one fit today, it's not worth it, I'll give her a flat." And then a week later I'm at the Only Child's pigsty house and sure enough, there are the raspberries, in the fridge, maybe a third eaten, the rest starting to mold.

I've never said all Only Children fit the Only Child Syndrome mold. I will say, I have known many who do. The ones who do are all despicable, difficult human beings.

I fear China is setting itself up for a future disaster with their one child only policy. Over a billion Only Children. That can not be good for the world.

Below is a YouTube video in which what appear to be students are practicing a debate. About Only Child Syndrome....

The Travails of Tootsie Tonasket

I don't know what it is with those people up in Washington. Is it epidemic Seasonally Affected Disorder? I know they are having yet one more bad storm, today, in a winter that's been the worst in a long long time.

But, gray skies and sub-zero temperatures and a case of SAD, does not explain the stuff that goes on in Washington's Peyton Place, where Tootsie Tonasket lives.

The Tonasketans have more over the top nonsensical soap opera than a Mexican Telenovela. Just today, Tootsie's husband, Alfred, 57, freshly smitten with the charms of 22 year old, pimply-faced vixen named Misty, got a call from Misty wanting Alfred to come spend the night at her apartment in Omak.

Tootsie heard the arrangements being made. And then it got worse. Tootsie and Alfred's 25 year old, ne-er do-well son, Spade, wants to go along so he can spend the night with Misty's roommate. Spade is feeling lonely ever since the mother of his child, Beulah, booted Spade out, so she could take up with a Chinese Alaskan fisherman, who is keeping Beulah and Spade's child Nervada in a style that Spade was never able to afford. Spade has now turned pretty much into an alcoholic, drinking up to 2 six packs a day.

So, it is below zero in Tootsie's town. There is ice and snow on the ground. To be able to get out to the cleared roads, much shoveling was needed. So, Alfred has been out in the cold for a long time, trying to move the white stuff. That's poor ol Alfred in the picture, above, trying to shovel his way to Misty's.

Now, Tootsie is just beside herself with worry about all these shenanigans spinning around her. So, she's called me twice today. I am currently a great resource for advice about these type matters, due to I am currently reading "Jackie Ethel Joan: Women of Camelot." I knew Jack and Teddy were serial womanizers, but I had no idea Bobby was a bad boy too. I figured how could he have the time or energy, while helping Ethel pop out that huge litter they produced.

Tootsie seemed to appreciate hearing how Jackie, Ethel and Joan handled their womanizing husband woes. I'm sure she'll do as I suggested and look the other way while she works at re-decorating the house.

Meanwhile, here in Texas it is so darn HOT. I've got the windows open and the ceiling fan spinning. There is no chance of having Seasonally Affected Disorder in Texas at the current moment. I think I'll go over to Miss Puerto Rico's for some Telenovela type interaction.

Closeup Look At Chesapeake Energy's Tandy Hills Natural Destruction

As long as I've been paying attention to Chesapeake Energy's public relations machine, it has always seemed so bizarre to me that someone like myself, who really does not have all that much contact with what Chesapeake Energy is up to, finds himself seeing so many contradictions between how Chesapeake Energy describes what they are doing. And what they actually do.

For example, until Chesapeake Energy went into operation across the street from where I live, I did not realize that all the complaints about noise and dust weren't just some whiny person with a delicate constitution getting all upset due to a little dust and noise.

Instead, I was to learn that it is VERY noisy. And the dust is more like airborne mud that gets on everything. Did Chesapeake send anyone through the neighborhood to offer car washes and new filters for our cars and air conditioner units? No. They did not. We were covered in dust, as if we lived next to a cement plant and nothing was done about the pollution or the polluters.

From that point on I become a shrill anti-Chesapeake Energy shill.

And then there's the case of my beloved Tandy Hills. Chesapeake Energy bought a plot of land in the Tandy Hills. Those who see what a great recreational resource Tandy Hills represents were mortified that this rogue defiler of the land was going to do drilling in the Tandy Hills.

Well, Chesapeake Energy assured the public that the area affected would be very small, that little damage would be done to the Tandy Hills. It was not long into the operation when it became obvious that the area affected was huge and the damage done to the Tandy Hills was enormous.

Last Monday, returning from Zorro's Buffet via Interstate 30, heading east back to here, I went by the Tandy Hills Chesapeake Energy operation and saw it from the freeway for the first time. It is appalling how it looks from the freeway. A total flattening of the landscape with huge berms and drainage ditches.

When I saw how bad it looked I decided I'd figure out how to get a picture of the view from that perspective. It took a rather adventurous hike, where no trails existed, to get to the freeway and the vantage point I wanted. The sun was in an unfortunate location, so the photos did not turn out all that great. But you still get a real good idea of how Chesapeake Energy has turned this part of the Tandy Hills Natural Area into something very unnatural.

Another HOT Winter Day In Texas

I think we are going to break a temperature record, again, this Saturday, 3rd day of the new year. It is 81, right now, at a bit past 3 in the afternoon.

I have my windows open. I'm starting to think I may need to close the windows and turn on the A/C.

I went hiking at the Tandy Hills today, a bit past noon. I was not long into the hiking when it started to feel like summer. This is not normal. I do not remember having the slightest inclination to hike shirtless, last winter. But, today, there was no way I could keep the shirt on.

I think I may have a bit of a sunburn. I've never had a sunburn in January before.

By the end of hiking I was a sweaty mess, just as if it were a HOT day in August. I am now, finally, a believer in this Global Warming thing.

I had trouble sleeping last night, due to it being too warm in here, even with a window open. I think it's almost a foregone conclusion that, before the day is done, I will have turned on my air conditioning for the first time ever in January. That just ain't right. This is the time of year I run my furnace and put logs in my fireplace.

I hope we get some days like this when Mom and Dad are here.

Incoming Parental Units Heading To Texas

I've confirmed my Mom and Dad are locked and loaded and ready to head this way early Sunday morning. They are currently scheduled to get here early Tuesday. They have a history of arriving earlier than scheduled. If they show up late Monday, they'll find me hard to find.

That's my Mom and Dad in the picture, from last summer, up in Skagit County, north of Seattle, at Bay View State Park. That is my Grand Nephew, Spencer Jack and his Mom, Jenny between my Mom and Dad.

I got Mom and Dad a Texas type Xmas present. If they are cooperative I'll, later, show you what that is. I don't know how cooperative they will be regarding letting me take video of their visit. Likely, that will prove difficult. Mom has trouble seeing. Maybe she won't notice the video camera.

I can find no Christmas wrapping type paper in this place. Would butcher paper suffice? I'm known for very tacky wrapping.

I don't have any chores for my Mom and Dad to do here. No raspberries to can, no holes to dig, no cars to fix. When you stay at my sister's in Tacoma you are given a daily Chore List, first thing in the morning. She runs a very strict house. You are not allowed to move on until your particular chores are checked off and approved as being properly completed.

It was hell for me, hell, I tell you. I'd never experienced anything like it. I don't know where my sister learned to be such a militaristic taskmaster. It certainly wasn't from my dear saint-like Mommy.

Anyway, my windows are currently open. It is a very nice warm Texas winter day. Tomorrow a big chill blows in. And then my Mom and Dad.

Below is video taken the same day as the above picture. You'll see my Mom and Dad (and me) meet Spencer Jack for the first time.

Clear Lake Penguin Dip

I am up early. Again. Though not quite as early as yesterday. This morning's early wakeup came after 4.

I'm being cranky right now because Fort Worth is still keeping my pool closed. It is 65 outside right now. It was warm yesterday. My pool water is likely a somewhat swimmable temperature. Certainly, more so than the last time I got in it.

My closed pool became a current issue this morning while reading my old hometown newspaper, online, that being the Skagit Valley Herald. There was an article, with pictures and video, of the New Year's Day 18th Annual Clear Lake Penguin Dip.

Clear Lake is only a couple miles from where I used to live, in Mount Vernon. My nephew, Joey, lives in Clear Lake. I don't know if Joey was a Penguin dipper. My longtime reader may remember me blogging about Clear Lake last August, when Clear Lake was the site of the infamous Mannequin Murders.

About 100 men, women and kids ran into the 34 degree Clear Lake, when a Countdown Clock reached zero. Apparently there was a lot of screaming and shrieking when the Penguin Dippers hit the water.

There were 2 large bonfires on shore to warm the Penguin Dippers, after they quickly got back out of Clear Lake.

The Clear Lake Penguin Dip began in 1990. I had no awareness of this event when I lived there. I suspect I would not have participated had I known

Buzzworms in the Backyard: Strikes Again!---Next Friday Night

An exhibition of visual art protesting irresponsible gas drilling

Gala Opening Reception
January 9, 2009
Fort Worth Community Arts Center
1300 Gendy Street
6 - 9 pm

Featuring Live performance art by:

Tammy Gomez & Friends
and
Lori Thomson & Laney Yarber

Refreshments provided

Don't miss it!

I'm sure I won't....I'll bring Mom & Dad

Dallas Trinity River Corridor Project & Fort Worth Trinity River Vision

It is strange, now, getting my Dallas Fort Worth Metroplex news from the Dallas Morning News, rather than the Fort Wort Star-Telegram. I've learned of all sorts of interesting things going on in the Dallas zone that I did not know about from reading the Star-Telegram.

Like a huge new arts complex (was it opera?) going up in what Dallas calls its Arts District. I find that way less pretentious sounding than Fort Worth's Cultural District.

And there is a very cool new bridge about to open, spanning across Lake Lewisville.

But the most interesting thing I've read in the Dallas paper, that is pretty much ignored in the Fort Worth paper, is the progress Dallas is making with their Trinity River Corridor Project.

The gestation of the 2 town's river projects is interesting. The vision came first to Dallas. If I remember right, originally it was called The Trinity River Vision Project. The plan was to turn a huge flood plain into a lake with recreational amenities. That has grown to being quite more complex and interesting.

A few years after Dallas had its vision, Fort Worth had one of its own. Fort Worth's started off being called, quite simply, "Town Lake." But as the vision grew clearer, Fort Worth figured out it needed a way to scam Federal dollars. And it was renamed "The Trinity River Vision." So, Dallas changed its projects name to "Dallas Trinity River Corridor Project." Soon Fort Worth's vision will likely become "Fort Worth Trinity River Corridor Project." After which, Dallas will change its name again. It's a vicious cycle here, between these two towns.

So, the Town Lake was overshadowed by the suddenly necessary, "River Diversion Channel," to prevent a flood, the likes of what happened in the early 50s, that the Army Corps of Engineers already fixed with massive dikes along the flood zone. So, Town Lake grew from a little lake to a lake with canals and a diversion channel. This required 3 new bridges. Just like Dallas.

Of course, the Fort Worth bridges are smaller than the Dallas bridges and cost way less.

It is pretty easy to see where the Fort Worth Vision may go blind during the likely upcoming period where the Feds get a bit more picky about handing out bucks to bridges that go nowhere. Or River Diversion Channels where none is needed.

Meanwhile, over at the official website of the Dallas Trinity River Corridor Project I found some of the type verbiage that made me cringe when I read it in the Fort Wort Star-Telegram. As in this Dallas project is "the most complex and the largest urban development effort undertaken by the city and it will make Dallas the envy of other large cities..."

Maybe it is a Texas thing. "Envy of." "Green with Envy." However, looking at the info about the Dallas Trinity Corridor Project and all that has already been done and what the goal is, I'm thinking that this Project is going to amp up Dallas' coolness and Dallas is already pretty darn cool.

For those of you who know Dallas, only through J.R. Ewing, well, you know the opening credits of Dallas, where you swoop across an open area and head to downtown Dallas with Reunion Tower standing tall? Well, that open area is the zone of the Trinity Corridor Project. Picture the opening of Dallas now, swooping across a series of lakes, forests of trees, trails and 3 unique bridges designed by internationally acclaimed architect, sculptor and engineer, Santiago Calatrava.

I really like what I've seen of the bridge designs. The first bridge is supposed to soon be under construction.

Meanwhile, here in Fort Worth, the vision continues. So far, near as I can tell, it involves using Eminent Domain to tear down some businesses. I don't know when a Town Lake is going to destroy Fort Worth's historic confluence of the West and Clear Forks of the Trinity River.

Texas Insomnia & Other Woes

New Year's Day I went to bed fairly early. Which caused me to get up fairly early. As in a bit past 2 this morning. Consequently I'm feeling punch drunk, like I've been on the road, driving non-stop for 24 hours and in dire need of a motel room.

I got up, made coffee, with it being hours before the Dallas Morning New would arrive. I finished reading Hollywood Kryptonite. That's the book that makes the case that George Reeves (Superman) was murdered, rather than a suicide. The Ben Affleck movie, Hollywoodland, with he playing Reeves, is based on this book.

Superman killing himself has always bothered me and I really think that is at the root of my extreme distrust of Super Heroes. After reading Hollywood Kryptonite, I'm convinced Reeves was murdered by a hitman ordered up by his jilted girl-friend, Toni Mannix.

I called my Mom early this morning to try and persuade them that waiting a week to come here, rather than leaving this coming Sunday, might be a good idea, due to we are supposed to be getting a cold snap, starting with rain on Monday. I told Mom, the way it goes here, is a few days cold, then back warm again, that by the Sunday after next we should be back in warm times again.

Mom said it would be too much trouble to wait a week, they were already packed, they'd add more cold weather clothes. Where Mom and Dad grew up, in Whatcom County, just south of the Canadian border, they experienced many a blizzard with very cold temperatures, heavy wind and a lot of snow, blowing into big drifts that could cover barns.

No one here in Texas can understand how varied the weather in Washington is. It is so unlike here. Most here think it rains all the time up there. Where Mom and Dad grew up, in Whatcom County, was only 40 miles north of where I grew up, in Skagit County. Whatcom County was in the path of weather systems coming down Canada's Frasier River Valley. As in very cold fronts, meeting up with wet Pacific air, causing massive snowstorm.

Meanwhile, where I lived, we called it The Banana Belt, while my Grandma's were snowbound with huge drifts, we'd have no snow and not even be freezing. Just a few miles to the west of where I lived the land was in the shadow of the Olympics, meaning they were a dry zone with way less rain than those of us living near the Cascades. When the clouds hit the Cascades they'd back up and pour rain on us. But the Olympics block a large area to the west, with some areas getting desert like levels of rainfall, annually.

And then there's the other side of the mountains. You drive over one of the Cascade Passes (you can't right now, closed due to avalanche danger) and you are in a brown Texas-like, albeit it more hilly and way more irrigated, zone. Eastern Washington gets real cold. And has a lot of orchards where they grow all those apples you see in stores here. And apricots, peaches, nectarines, cherries, grapes and all sorts of good stuff.

I take it back. Eastern Washington bears little resemblance to Texas.

So, anyway, Mom and Dad know what a cold winter is like, but they've become Weather Babies, like me. We all shivered in my sister's Iceberg she calls a house, in Tacoma, last summer. But I don't know if they remember what it is like when it is 20 degrees with a 40 mile wind blowing from the north. I expect to hear my Mom do a lot of complaining about the weather. She told me she just won't get out of the car.

I wonder if it is from my Mom I learned the Art of Complaining?

A Texas Home Security System

TO INSTALL A TEXAS HOME SECURITY SYSTEM

1. Go to a secondhand store and buy a pair of used men's work boots, size 14-16.
2. Put them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo magazine.
3. Place a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazine.
4. Leave a note on your door that reads:

Hey Bubba,

Big Jim, Duke, Slim, and I went for more ammunition. Back in an hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls - - they attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up real bad. I don't think Killer took part in it, but it was hard to tell from all the blood. I locked all four of 'em in the house. Better wait outside.

Cooter

Eat All The Lard You Want, Stay Thin With Sanitized Tapeworms

In one of the lesser insulting remarks, in a month filled with them, when I was in Tacoma, last year, in what is now known as Hell Summer, one of my relatives suggested the reason I was so skinny, and yet able to eat like a pig, was because I likely had a tapeworm.

I am not kidding. This was the type elevated discourse I was subjected to. No, it couldn't be that I was skinny due to getting sufficient exercise and eating properly. No. I had a tapeworm.

So, this morning Alma, the Songbird of the Texas Gulf Coast, sent me a lot of good stuff. Including old ads. Two of the ads had to do with food. One was a diet method, the other suggested a food that would make you happy.

The diet ad claimed you could Eat! Eat! Eat! and always stay thin. No diet, No baths, no exercise, claiming, Fat, the ENEMY that is shortening your life, BANISHED! How? With Sanitized Tape Worms. Jar packed. Easy to Swallow! No ill effects!

Now, if you get the Sanitized Tape Worms, you could then eat all you want of the other thing advertised, that being LARD. No dieting, no exercise, eat all the lard you want, without the worry of becoming a lard ass.

I can think of a person. Or two. Who I would not mind slipping a Tape Worm. Or two. That person, or two, already eats plenty of lard and, unfortunately already is a lard ass. But the Tape Worm can reverse that condition.

Polar Bear Swimming at Lake Grapevine

It's a nice first day of the new year, here in Texas. I've got my windows open again. It's almost 70. I went up to Lake Grapevine, a bit past noon. I brought along a swimming suit, fully intending to go swimming on the first day of the new year.

But, when I got to Rockledge Park, the wind was blowing, there were waves, I felt the water and it was cold. Getting in the lake would not be as easy as getting in the pool. It doesn't get deep fast, you have to pick your way carefully over the lake bed so as not to step on something unseemly.

So, I chickened out on the swimming thing.

Taking the left turn from Grapevine Highway on to the road that goes over the Lake Grapevine Dam, there was a big group of bikers. I would not ride my bike on these type streets. Bikes and cars and busy highways do not a good mix make, in my opinion.

That's the bikers you see in the picture, above, with the pair of Big Balls in the foreground.

There were a lot of mountain bikers today riding the Northshore Trail out of Rockledge Park. I used to pedal this trail a lot. But it is treacherous in places. And now that I'm a senior citizen I am wary of such risky things.

That is the Gaylord Texas Resort and Convention Center, on the left, that you see rising above Lake Grapevine on the south side of the lake. I'll take my Mom and Dad there when they are here. Which is sooner than I expected, I learned today, when I called my Phoenix sister, while I was at Lake Grapevine.

Lake Grapevine has lost some more water since I was last at today's location. It was fun walking the beach in places where previously that was not possible.

About 2 miles into walking along the beach, there is an inlet that leads to a smaller inlet. During summer, when the vegetation is thick, this is a good skinny dipping spot. In the dead of winter, not so much. But the water was calm there, and it felt warmer. If it had not been so far from my vehicle and the post swimming need for heat, this would have been a good spot for my First of the New Year Polar Bear Swim. Doesn't that look like a big natural swimming pool?

I Am A Senior Citizen

I had a horrible thing happen to me earlier this week that I was too appalled by to mention to you. But, now, this morning, this first day of the new year, Alma, the Songbird of the Texas Gulf Coast, sent me, well, a poem sort of thing, the theme of which, is, well, remembering way back when, in the 1950s, when the world was young and innocent.

So, what was the horrible thing that happened to me? Well, I went to Zorro's Buffet on Monday. You pay when you enter. I said to the pimply-faced teenager, "4 adults." She then asked me a question that forever will be etched in my memory as the mark of the end of an era. She asked me "Senior discount?"

I was mortified. Do I look 60 I asked? Is it my gray hair? She said she always asks if the person has gray hair because sometimes they get upset when they don't get their Senior (one measly dollar off) Discount.

I told the girl I was only 29 with prematurely gray hair and that I was quite offended and felt very insulted. She giggled during this entire painful scene. She did say she thought I was remarkably well-preserved for an elderly person. That made me feel slightly better.

And now the words sent by Alma, with a Senior Citizen lamenting the changing times....

Long ago and far away, in a land that time forgot, before the days of Dylan, or the dawn of Camelot. There lived a race of innocents, and they were you and me.

For Ike was in the White House in that land where we were born, where navels were for oranges, and Peyton Place was porn.

We learned to gut a muffler, we washed our hair at dawn, we spread our crinolines to dry in circles on the lawn.

We longed for love and romance, and waited for our Prince and Eddie Fisher married Liz, and no one's seen him since.

We danced to 'Little Darlin,' and sang to 'Stagger Lee' and cried for Buddy Holly in the Land That Made Me, Me.

Only girls wore earrings then, and 3 was one too many, and only boys wore flat-top cuts, except for Jean McKinney.

And only in our wildest dreams did we expect to see a boy named George with Lipstick, in the Land That Made Me, Me.

We fell for Frankie Avalon, Annette was oh, so nice, and when they made a movie, they never made it twice.

We didn't have a Star Trek Five, or Psycho Two and Three or Rocky-Rambo Twenty in the Land That Made Me, Me.

Miss Kitty had a heart of gold, and Chester had a limp and Reagan was a Democrat. Whose co-star was a chimp?

We had a Mr. Wizard, but not a Mr. T and Oprah couldn't talk yet, in the Land That Made Me, Me.

We had our share of heroes, we never thought they'd go, at least not Bobby Darin, or Marilyn Monroe.

For youth was still eternal, and life was yet to be and Elvis was forever, in the Land That Made Me, Me.

We'd never seen the rock band that was Grateful to be Dead and Airplanes weren't named Jefferson, and Zeppelins were not Led and Beatles lived in gardens then, and Monkees lived in trees, Madonna was a virgin in the Land That Made Me, Me.

We'd never heard of microwaves, or telephones in cars and babies might be bottle-fed, but they weren't grown in jars.

And pumping iron got wrinkles out and 'gay' meant fancy-free and dorms were never coed in the Land That Made Me, Me.

We hadn't seen enough of jets to talk about the lag and microchips were what was left at the bottom of the bag.

And Hardware was a box of nails, and bytes came from a flea and rocket ships were fiction in the Land That Made me, Me.

Buicks came with portholes, and side shows came with freaks and bathing suits came big enough to cover both your cheeks and Coke came just in bottles and skirts below the knee and Castro came to power near the Land That Made Me, Me.

We had no Crest with Fluoride, we had no Hill Street Blues, we had no patterned pantyhose or Lipton herbal tea or prime-time ads for condoms in the Land That Made Me, Me.

There were no golden arches, no Perrier to chill and fish were not called Wanda and cats were not called Bill.

And middle-aged was 35 and old was forty-three and ancient were our parents in the Land That Made Me, Me.

But all things have a season, or so we've heard them say and now instead of Maybelline we swear by Retin-A.

They send us invitations to join AARP, we've come a long way, baby, from the Land That Made Me, Me.

So now we face a brave new world in slightly larger jeans and wonder why they're using smaller print in magazines and we tell our children's, children of the way it used to be, long ago and far away in the Land That Made Me, Me.

HAPPY NEW YEAR

Only 365 days til the new year. Only 20 more days til the world can breathe a sigh of relief, with the source of the sense of relief moving to my part of the world. Only 8 more days til my Mom and Dad are in my part of the world.

And here I am, up early in the new year, no hangover, having gone to bed early on New Year's Eve, with no resolutions for the new year.

I don't need to lose weight.

I don't need to exercise more.

I don't need to eat more fruits and vegetables.

I don't need to read more.

I don't need to watch less TV.

I don't need to have more fun.

I don't need to learn anything new.

I don't need to quit smoking.

I don't need to be a nicer person. (I couldn't get any nicer)

I don't need to blog more.

I don't need to do anything different, near as I can tell.

I guess I could stand to put on a few pounds. But I don't feel compelled to make a resolution about it.

Speaking of weight loss resolutions. Last night I was reading a particularly pretentious blogging about a person's New Year's Goals. This person was pondering a variety of possible goals. One of this person's ponderings was perhaps the possible goal of losing 100 pounds! 100 pounds!

I read that and thought, good gawd, if you are 100 pounds overweight you shouldn't need the start of a new year to motivate yourself to lose the blubber. I've heard of people making a resolution to lose that last 10 or 20 pounds. But, 100 pounds? If I lost 100 pounds I'd weigh 75. I'd be dead.

How can anyone stand to carry around that much blubber all the time? It is so unfathomable to me that so many people are that self-destructive. I used to know a morbidly obese person who easily weighed 600 pounds. She'd have to resolve to lose 450 pounds to get healthy. That'd take a lot of time, likely a multi-year resolution.

Anyway, it's the first day of 2009. I am not on a diet. I am going up to Lake Grapevine today. It is supposed to get to 72. I may go on a Polar Bear Swim this first day of the new year.