Where Funkytown Gets Down Rockin' The River Live On The Trinity With Clean Swimmin' Dirty Livin'

When I saw the advertisement on the left in this week's DFW.com Ink edition I wondered whether these brilliant ads are produced in house by the Trinity River Vision Boondoggle, or does the TRVB out source this to an advertising agency.

We are now into the 3rd summer of 100s of people floating in the Trinity River every Thursday.

If I remember right the original version of this activity was called the Rockin' the River Happy Hour Inner Tube Float.

For summer of 2013 it is now "Rockin' the River Live on the Trinity".

No mention of "Happy Hour" or "Floating".

However the ad does inform us that the TRVB will sell you alcohol in the form of beer for $3. And that you are forbidden to float your own beer in a cooler.

The slogans in the ad are very clever.

"WHERE FUNKYTOWN GETS DOWN".

"CLEAN SWIMMIN' DIRTY LIVIN'".

I'm thinking "DIRTY SWIMMIN' CLEAN LIVIN'" would make more sense.

When did Fort Worth go from being known as Cowtown to being Funkytown?

Fort Worth is Funky? How? Where?

The ad does mention floating, even if floating is no longer in the name for the event. At the top of the ad we are advised to "FLOAT UP TO FRONT ROW SEATS AT PANTHER ISLAND PAVILION."

Has anyone located Panther Island yet? Or figured out what the pavilion is?

I have to admit, now that we are in the 3rd summer of 100s of people floating in the formerly polluted river, that a few things surprise me.

I would have thought by now there would be incidents of people acquiring a bad rash from being in that water.

I would have thought by now there would be incidents of people getting sick via contact with E.Coli bacteria in the water.

I would have thought by now there would be incidents of encounters with water moccasins, garfish, turtles or alligators.

But, as far as I know, there have been none of the type incidents I thought would likely happen when 100s of people decided it was an okay thing to go floating in the formerly polluted Trinity River.

So, today, with it being Thursday, I am pondering if I want to go Rockin' the River Live on the Trinity tonight and have myself some of that beer and food  available for purchase, mentioned in the ad.

I'll see if Elsie Hotpepper wants to go floating live with me tonight....

J.D. Granger's Trinity River Vision Happy Hour Tubing Party Boondoggle Continuing Fun

You are looking at another photo taken by Joyce Marshall in the Fort Worth Star-Telegram. There are now a lot of photos documenting last Thursday's bizarre Trinity River Vision Boondoggle J.D. Granger inspired Happy Hour Inner Tube Float down one of the most polluted rivers in America.

Judging from the comments to the article in the Star-Telegram, the locals seemed to be fairly universally repulsed by J.D. Granger's latest great idea.

One commenter lamented the wish that something cheaper be found for Kay Granger's boy to do.

It was Elsie Hotpepper who pointed me to the cornucopia of amusing and cogent comments, pointing me to them, because one commenter, Rude Dude, mentioned Durango Texas as being his information source for the Trinity Tubing.

I'll start with the comment from Rude Dude, then follow that with other comments about J.D. Granger's latest Boondoggle...

Someone named Agassifan had asked "So, how were these folks chosen?"

RudeDude then wrote:

They weren't chosen the float was open to anyone. They probably learned about it at J.D. Granger's Twitter or Facebook page. I read about it several weeks ago at Durango Texas. Fort Worth Weekly and FortWorthology may have also announced the float.

Jabbo wrote:

Anyone who has pushed the wasteful billion dollar Trinity Vision project (Granger & Son, Moncrief, the Tarrant Water District, etc.) should be put on an innertube and set out to sea!

localyokel wrote:

UGGHHH!!!! Between the alligator gar, the "brown trout", and God alone only knows what else, there is no way that anyone who valued their health would even think to get in the river. I've pulled CARS out of the river, BODIES out of the river, did a Trinity River Trash Bash and saw an old man with a net scooping used NEEDLES out of the water.

McNugget wrote:

Between the mammoth alligator gar, 2 headed snakes, gators, and dead bodies known to lurk below the foamy waters of the Trinity- No Thanks! Not to mention the fact that you will smell like a toilet boil for two days after.

anngws wrote:

There was documentary on recently about aligator gar - they focused on the Trinity River because it has such a huge population of that terrible fish. They can be deadly and grow to be very large - they have 2 rows of aligator teeth in a long thin snout. Who on Earth would swim in a river with those things? They can shred anything they bite into. Who would even promote such a thing?

TexasProud wrote: (quoting from the article in the Star-Telegram)

"With Budweiser swim trunks, a can of Natural Ice in his hand and a pack of Marlboros hanging around his neck in a waterproof container, the Fort Worth resident was ready to go."

This is why Fort Worth is Fort Worth, and not someplace with higher standards....it's the people....stupid.

astlobo wrote:

Great just what the Trinity needs, dirty Fort Worthians polluting the river even more.

McNugget wrote:

I thought these Trinity River people were only in charge of the big "flood control" project that we're all going to be financing. Now they're doing tubing and restaurants by the river. Maybe next they can come over and clean my house?

rickhatcher wrote:

you can't eat fish from the Trinity River what makes people want to put their bodies in that nasty thing. If they cleaned up the river it would help immensely. I am not sure it is safe for tubing anyhow. I don't think I would want to eat at any restaurant on the Trinity River because of the horrible smell.

sulla012 wrote:

I love tubing and I love Fort Worth it would take millions to get that river in tubing shape for the general public. I will choose to do the spring fed rivers of the Hill country and miss my chance to tube with "uncle dave". Maybe next year "uncle Dave". Nothing like a stagnant foul smelling river to go tube at on a lazy afternoon. Good idea wrong river.

jlwesty wrote:

Many tubing areas are not deep, over one's head. The Trinity is deep and there are no life saving stations. The Fire Dept takes too long in an emergency. They are more for recovery. Many city dwellers can not swim. As a child I remember many people being drowned yearly at family outings. The river is for flood water it is filled with limbs, trees and rocks. After a rain it foams like your washer because of chemicals in the run off. Once drowned bodies take days to find if they don't float naturally as they deteriorate. I would think authorities would tell you to boil the water if you were going to drink it. The rare boat race or tug of war that gets out of hand and leads to a sip probably would not kill you but inviting the world to come down and take a dip makes no sense just like the project. I wish we could have found something cheaper for Kay Granger's boy to do. It is a disgrace which will come to nothing.

J.D. Granger's Trinity River Vision Happy Hour Inner Tube Float Boondoggle On The Trinity River

On August 4 I blogged about J.D. Granger's bizarre plan to have a Trinity River Vision Boondoggle Happy Hour Float down the Trinity River in Fort Worth.

I opined that I thought it absurd to put people in water that has signs warning you not to eat fish you catch. And the water is dirty, really dirty. In addition to the dirtiness, there is a lot of litter, an amazingly lot of litter.

And critters, like turtles, who are willing to give chase, while snapping at you (I have had it happen), snakes, like water moccasin. And Alligator Gar, which are these bizarre "fish" that look like an eel/alligator mutation.

I have not seen an Alligator Gar in the Trinity River. I have seen one in Village Creek. I have not been back in a Texas lake since I saw an Alligator Gar and then talked to some girls on a dock on Lake Grapevine who told me one of their friends had stepped on an Alligator Gar the day before and had to be taken to the ER.

A year or two ago a fisherman caught a really big Alligator Gar in the Trinity in Dallas. I think it was 10 feet long. Or was that the length of the Alligator found last year in my neighborhood?

So, yesterday, Thursday, around 40 inner tubers joined J.D. Granger, with beer coolers in floats, for the Trinity River Vision Authority Boondoggle "Tubing Happy Hour."

You are looking at a pair of the Trinity Tubers in the picture above. This picture was in the Fort Worth Star-Telegram, taken by Joyce Marshall.

The picture at the top is not of the Trinity Tubers, it is a picture of tubers in a clean river.

J.D. is working on a couple more floating happy hours, saying "Based on the demand we saw for this event, there will probably be something next spring or summer."

40 people does not sound like a rousing demand for an event to me.

Apparently, on July 4, J.D. and his Vision Boondoggle provided 100 inner tubes for Fort Worth's 4th of July celebration.

Where these 4th of July inner tubes floated, I do not know, but J.D. says, ""People literally came in [and] cut off their kids' jeans so they could tube. We're ordering at least 300 tubes for next July because of the demand."

The executive director of the TRV Boondoggle is ordering up at least 300 inner tubes for next 4th of July? Who is paying for these tubes?

The comments to the article in the Star-Telegram are pretty funny and pretty much on point regarding the absurdity. Below are a few of the funnier comments....

panthercitylover wrote:

We were having a good time, but a 4-foot-long alligator gar punctured my tube and almost bit me! Scary! I'm never getting in the Trinity again.

sarcasticallystooopid wrote:

Haha! The only people who would do this are either (a)not from Fort Worth or (b)rednecks. I'll drive down south to do my tubing, thanks and I am a Fort Worth native. I'm wondering if these morons have seen pics of the river when it is low. It is flat out disgusting, 55 gallon chemical drums, tires, dead animals, etc. Watch out for Okie turds and dead bodies.

Oh and don't forget: Man drowns in Trinity; passing bicyclist rescues mom and daughter. Jul 5, 2010 FORT WORTH -- An East Texas man trying to rescue his 7-year-old daughter drowned Monday afternoon in the Trinity River.

But I'm sure it's real safe if your drinking beer and floating in an unstable rubber tube.

paulasmithy wrote:

When I saw the headline, I thought this would be an article about potatoes growing by the river. Not that those would be particularly safe, either.

txlawyer2 wrote:

There are no advisories against swimming because the agencies thought that went without saying. Next year the headline will be the same, except for replacing "tubers" with tumors.

xxViixen wrote:

Ew!!! Dont float the Trinity. Go float the Comal or Guadalupe River in Austin. Those were the best times of my life!

truefwtexan wrote:

Is this a big surprise? We have insane heat around here, and we have a grand total of one public pool open. When we had 5, they were overcrowded, and now they are just insane. No wonder people are willing to lounge in the disgusting water just to cool off. Wake up, Fort Worth! We're burning up here!

midcitiesyj wrote:

Hahahaha! The comments below pretty much sums it up. Eeeeewwww, nothing like floating in no current and 90 degree water.... And watch out for the 2 headed snakes. The Paluxy is a very good place to go, but nothing compares to the cold water and fast current of the Guadalupe.

ustfuninfw wrote:

Next they'll be hosting swim events at the waste water treatment plants.

J.D. Granger's Trinity River Happy Hour Tubing Party

UPDATE: Thursday, August 26, J.D. Granger's Trinity River Happy Hour Float Took Place.

I was driving the Grapevine Highway today, after leaving Tarrant County College, and glanced over at the waterpark known as NRH20. This is in North Richland Hills, hence the name.

I snapped the photo you see here as I drove by.

I saw a pool that seemed uncomfortably crowded. And a lazy river that looked like it was having an inner tube jam. Way too many people in way too little lazy river.

And then I got back here and was surprised to see inner tubes as a subject in a different watery venue.

The Fort Worth Business Press has an article today that pretty much pulls down the pants of Fort Worth's nepotism loving Congresswoman, Kay Granger's son, J.D. Granger, who the Fort Worth good ol' boy network installed as the executive director of the bizarre, non-public works project, known as the Trinity River Vision Boondoogle and exposes just what a total dumb ass this guy is.

J.D. claims interest in the TRV Boondogggle has picked up, with out of state investors interested.

J.D. says, “What we’ve found is that the big funds, the national funds want big plans, they don’t want projects with small plans, they want ones with 10-year plans. And that pick-up has been significant, about one group every week and a half.”

Yeah, that makes sense. National funds want big plans. No small plans for national funds. You need really big 10 year plans if you want to snag national funds for a boondoggle.

Apparently it surprises J.D. when he learns that someone with national funds is not aware of the TRV Boondoggle. I suppose the surprise comes from the fact, in J.D.'s mind, the TRV Boondoggle is a BIG plan, one so BIG, national funds want it. After they know about it. Whatever national funds are.

It was at the end of the article where J.D. pulled his pants down and revealed what a total dumbass he is.

First off, for you who are not in the Fort Worth zone, the Trinity River runs through Fort Worth. The Trinity River is very polluted. It is usually very muddy. There are very clear, beautiful rivers in Texas, like the San Marcos River and the Guadalupe River. Those rivers are big tourist attractions with thousands floating down the rivers on inner tubes.

With that in mind I must copy the last 5 paragraphs of the Fort Worth Business Press article for your amusement.....

"In an effort to highlight the completion of one such project, Granger said the Trinity River Vision will host a ‘happy hour’ floating event.

The floating event will begin on Aug. 26 at the soon-to-be completed portion of the Trinity Trails between Rogers Road and the Fort Worth Zoo and river passengers will float to Trinity Park, where they will be transported back to the starting place.

“This will be the site of a future canoe launch and we thought it would be a great spot for a tube float,” Granger said. “We own a bus so we’ll take people back to their cars after they float our river, just like in San Marcos.”

Granger said the river floating event is open to the public."

As you can see in the picture of J.D. Granger, above, he likes Happy Hour.

But.

A Floating Happy Hour event on the Trinity River? Tubing on the Trinity River?

This is the most insane thing I've seen involving the Trinity River, other than the TRV Boondoggle, since Fort Worth's reality challenged mayor, Mike Moncrief, tried to dye the river purple. Ironically, just a short distance from where J.D. Granger wants to have his happy hour tubing party.

Is it not time that adults were put in charge of Fort Worth?