Looking At Ads While Drinking Heavily & Stripping

A few days ago I think I mentioned I wised up regarding my search for the world's biggest of one specific subject.

This morning I was looking through this week's Fort Worth Weekly and saw an ad for the Mule Pub. In the ad there is a person who might have been a candidate for my search, if I were still searching.

The caption under the potential biggest candidate says, "Screw working out...drink instead!"

I know that has always been my philosophy. Lately I've been pretty much drinking all day long.

You have to in this heat. Since we've hit the 100 zone I've been taking 3 bottles of water with me when I go take a hike. All day long I'm wandering into the kitchen to get yet one more glass of water with ice cubes floating in it. It's not quite as bad as being in Death Valley when it's 124 where you pretty much have to be constantly sucking on liquid, but it's close to that. I think I'd be shocked if I figured out how many gallons I drink a day.

It's supposed to be around 100 by noon, so I'm thinking since it Saturday and I'm a creature of repetitive habit, I'll likely go do some heavy duty sweating and drinking on the Tandy Hills today. Due to issues previously discussed, I no longer make mention of my hiking attire.

Speaking of water, we've got a lot of Watering Holes here in my zone of Texas. Right in my neighborhood there is the Ozzie Rabbit Lodge. Ozzie Rabbit was Lee Harvey Oswald's nickname. Lee Harvey is buried near the Ozzie Rabbit Lodge. Apparently the Ozzie Rabbit Lodge is the east side's hippest watering hole.

The Dallas/Fort Worth Metroplex also has a lot of restaurants, so many that they add up to being the world's highest number of restaurants per capita. Why is such information always stated as "per capita" I typed and wondered? I believe "capita" means head. Maybe it's Latin.

In the Dallas/Fort Worth Metroplex we are also very proud of having the world's highest number per capita of women working in the stripping industry. Over 4,000 are gainfully employed doing that hard job. There are a lot of strip clubs here. In Washington there were very few such establishments, and none as elaborate and big as those here.

In FW Weekly the listings for strip joints is coyly under the heading "Cabaret." The Fort Worth Gentleman's Club was this year's FW Weekly critic's choice as Best Strip Club 2008. You have to wear proper dress to enter this club. I have no idea what proper dress in Texas might be. The Gentleman's Club has a real good seafood buffet on Wednesdays. Not that I will admit to knowing this from personal experience.

Rick's Cabaret was FW Weekly's reader's choice for Best Strip Club and FW Weekly's critic's choice for Best Exotic Dancer (China) and Best Place to Nurse a Hangover in 2008.

Both Illusions and Main Stage make reference to sleeves being required, with Illusions insisting that sleeves are required after 6 p.m. Does this mean long sleeves? Is it tank tops they are trying to ban?

The Texas Cabaret gives us a better idea of what proper attire must be with their rule of "No cut-off shirts or cut-off pants." So, I'm thinking if you wear a nice pair of cargo pants shorts and a shirt you'll be properly attired. To play it totally safe I suppose one would wear regular pants, as in slacks, not jeans, and a long-sleeved shirt, buttoned to the max. I wonder if I still own such things? And why are they so picky about what men wear while the women have very little or nothing on? That's perplexing.

Topless Joint Upsets Some In My Fort Worth Neighborhood

I believe the Dallas/Fort Worth Metroplex has the world's highest per capita number of women working in strip clubs. There are dozens upon dozens of Strip Joints, also known as Gentlemen's Clubs, throughout this metro area.

Long ago I learned from a Texan, I'll anonymously call G the Texan, that going to a Strip Joint, with your dad, is a right of passage in Texas when you turn 18. G the Texan was shocked to learned no such thing exists in my former zone of Washington. Yes, there are a few topless joints up there, but not like what exists here in Texas.

I never went to a topless bar in Washington. I have gone to a strip show or two in British Columbia. There was always a good one at this place called Izzy's and at the PNE. That is the Pacific National Exhibition in Vancouver. The PNE is sort of like the State Fair of Texas on steroids. I don't know why they don't have a strip show at the State Fair of Texas. They do have a Women's Museum there.

Some people in my neighborhood of Fort Worth are in a tizzy due to a Strip Joint being built. This is to be across the Trinity River in a Dry Zone. One would think my side of the river would be the preferred location for a new Strip Joint, since I'm in a totally Wet Zone. I think across the river it is a totally Dry Zone, meaning, I don't think you could even carry your own bottle of beer into the new Strip Joint.

Maybe with a Strip Joint within walking distance I'll finally visit one. I'd ask G the Texan if he wanted to attend the grand opening, but I'm sure he's banned from such things now that he is married.

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