There is still a lot of snow whiting up the place, Saturday morning, in Texas. I decided, last night, that nothing was going to stop me from my regular early morning routine, Saturday morning, and nothing did.I learned this morning that walking barefoot on snow is not an unpleasant sensation.
It is currently 33. It was 32 when I went swimming. It is foggy out there. How can there be fog when the air is freezing? Shouldn't those fog droplets freeze and fall to the ground?
I was appalled this morning to have the scale tell me I've reached a new high with this mysterious weight gain problem I've been having. My new high is 206. When I was last in Washington, summer of 2008, I recollect aggravating some of my aggravating female relatives by remarking I weighed less than any adult Jones' girl. At that point I weighed about 175.
I probably still weigh less than any adult Jones' girl, at 206, now that I'm thinking about it.
I figure at my height and activity level I need about 3,000 calories a day. To gain a pound one must consume 2,000 calories above ones caloric needs. I can't figure out how I am adding sufficient calories to account for the weight gain. It's very perplexing.
I have eye witnessed an extremely obese person's feeding habits with it no mystery why the person was so huge. I have none of those bad habits. I don't like candy. I don't do desserts. I don't slather butter on various edibles. I don't gobble down a half gallon of ice cream. I don't particularly care for ice cream. I rarely eat fried food. I don't even eat dinner. My only big feeding of the day is lunch and that is not all that big.
Anyway, I'm very perplexed about turning into a big tub of lard without being able to find the lard, no gut, no fat butt, no man boobs, no double chin. Where is the weight? Maybe I've grown taller. I should find a tape measure and see if that's the answer.
On a totally unrelated note, the Temporary Scrabble Queen of Hawaii seems to have gone missing. I've not gotten a daily update torturing me with tales of being too HOT and snorkeling and having fish tacos, for several days.
22 comments:
Garth! Cover up those headlights. No one likes seeing stuff like that on the Internet.
If I were you I'd blame the rest of my problems on the scales. They are obviously defective.
If could be worse. You could weigh 160 and look like one of those long marsh mellows with sticks for arms and legs and a little pea for a head.
Did you ever open the mysterious packet from the Queen?
I'm loving our West Texas warm up. In fact, it lead me to do some outdoor running. I've been wanting to run out to the caliche pits and back and since I needed to take some pics, I did just all of that today. :)
Perhaps it is too much scofflaw driving around in the snow.
Steve A---
Thanks for the diet tip. I think the excessive scofflawing could be the answer. To something.
CT2---
I did not get any Christmas presents this year. I'm treating the Mysterious Envelope as a Christmas present, sitting under my imaginary tree. I think I'll open the Mysterious Envelope tomorrow. I'm a big fan of postponed gratification. I'll likely do the opening with Great Ceremony. Maybe after having pizza.
Garthro---
That was a very cruel and insensitive thing to say. It is heartless remarks like this which cause you to run such a deep deficit in the making friends and influencing people department. It is also the type remark that gets you shoved down stairs and shot at with cotton ball loaded shotguns.
Hey Wayne--Babe Magnet Extraordinaire,
Did you happen to notice Garth's self description?
"You could weigh 160 and look like one of those long marsh mellows with sticks for arms and legs and a little pea for a head."
CT2---
I was confused by Garthro's self description, because it seemed off. The 160 weight part made sense, the sticks for arms and legs made sense. But I was lost with the little pea for a head part, because that boy has this humongous melon head sitting on top of the sticks, not a pea. I think he may be anorexic, in addition to all his other woes, you know, where the self image is seriously distorted from reality. It's perplexing. Maybe you can help the troubled lad, somehow, when next you return to D/FW for a Regal Visit.
Well, although the Queen willingly donates her time to many charity functions, this is one case I'm afraid she'll not be able to render assistance...sorry darlin' the Queen has spoken :)
And besides, Garth refuted the Queen's expert knowledge on a subject he clearly has no expertise in...she was oh so obviously offended.
CT2---
Everyone was appalled when Garthro so blatantly behaved in a manner which provoked outraged Royal Umbrage. I really can not remember when I was more appalled by an individual's imparting of an ill conceived opinion. If we lived in more civilized times the boy would have been stuck in stocks and pummeled with rotten fruit and vegetables by now.
Garthango, which part was cruel? And which part was insensitive? I must make note of them so I can use them more frequently.
Garthro---
How sorrily sad is it that you are unable to tell when you are cruel and insensitive? I'd pray for your sad soul if I were a praying sort, but, I'm not, so, I won't. But, I hope someone so inclined, will. Because, I fear, you are in need of divine intervention. Or some other inter-galactic help.
D'Garth --
So let me get this straight. You are saying you have no idea?
All right, Garth and Wayne. You're beyond my professional help now. Dr. Drew --OR EVEN HER MAJESTY THE Big'O'herself--will need to step in to help you boys out. Chatter on, W-arth!--I give up, Dr. Phil.
Sorry Dr. Anonymous Phil---
I could have told you it was hopeless and spared you the loss of your valuable time. Garthro has been the recipient of intense psychiatric therapy for years and has only gotten worse.
Garthro---
You want to get something straight, as opposed to the non-straight way you usually get things?
I do not recollect indicating I had no idea about anything. I think you may be confusing that party in your head with the real world again.
D'Garthgo --
You blamed it all on me to the good Doctor.
You forgot to include the fact that you were the giver of said psychiatric therapy. It was like the blind leading the blind.
I continue to be ashamed, afraid and aghast at your flagrant omissions in a desperate attempt to make yourself look good.
How long do we have to do this before the Big 'O' calls?
It's like I've said that before somewhere, but in completely different circumstances.
Garthro---
It really takes no effort at all, on my part, to make myself look good.
You, on the other hand, no amount of effort seems to work.
I'm appalled you are on my blog talking about your Big O dysfunctions. Very inappropriate.
Oh my! I'd never divulge something like that in this very public forum. Really, Gar...you have no couth or social etiquette. The Queen may be able to teach you such graces, now the question is...do you have the ability to properly apply such knowledge after gained?
CT2---
You have to keep in mind what we learned at the "What's The Deal With Gar" Seminar. As in, he is lacking the charm gene. Thus it is no more his fault that he acts in the uncouth mannerless manner he acts in, than it is his fault his eyes are whatever color they are, or that he's only 5 feet 5 inches tall. These are things he has had no control over. He should be more the object of pity than ire, once you put it all into perspective.
Quite right, dear...he gets a Royal Pardon.
QT2---
You are quite generous in your issuing of a royal pardon, in that the offensiveness was quite inappropriate. The benevolence of your reign continues to impress. Long may you rule.
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