Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Rockin' Live On The Trinity River Inner Tube Happy Hour Concert Series Announced

I really truly believe it is time for some sort of federal intervention in this strange part of America I am currently living in.

A few minutes ago, my best friend, Anonymous, sent me a link to a story on the dfw.com website, titled "Inaugural 'Rockin' the River' concert series announced."

In the first sentence of the article the writer, Preston Jones, writes, "It's an idea so good, one wonders why nobody thought of it sooner."

The idea Preston Jones is talking about is, "Starting June 9, the Rockin' the River - Live on the Trinity summer tubing and music series will take place every second and fourth Thursday through the month of August. Trinity River Vision, the organizers, are billing the series as a "floating happy hour," with free admission and free tubes for the first 600 people to show up, starting at 4 p.m."

An idea so good, one wonders why nobody thought of it sooner?

Actually, it is an idea, so stupid, it is a wonder anyone thought of it now.

But, this is what you get when your local congresswoman puts her unqualified son in charge of a big public works project, when that son is very fond of partying and partial to adult beverages.

The Trinity River Vision is providing 600 free inner tubes. Do those getting the free inner tubes get to take them home with them? How much do 600 inner tubes cost? Is buying inner tubes what voters thought they were voting for back in 2004 when, apparently, a bond vote occurred which some claim is what has validated the TRV foolishness and folly which has evolved into massive Happy Hour Inner Tube Parties on the Trinity River?

Now with music.

The Trinty River Vision will even allow you to bring your own inner tube, along with booze coolers and lawn chairs to set on when you tire of floating in the polluted river.

Apparently the Trinity River Vision's vision has been expanded to include helping increase alcohol consumption. From the TRV's Rockin' the River poster we learn that if you "Want your Happy Hour to last all night long?! Wear your Rockin' the River wristband to a participating bar after the float and receive drink specials ALL NIGHT!!"

Starting June 9, Josh Weathers and the True+Endeavors, along with other Texas acts, will make beautiful music from a waterfront stage, serenading the happy hour floaters out in the river, dodging snakes, turtles, alligator gar, assorted toxins and occasional floating fecal matter.

Happy Hour floats will continue through the summer. Or until someone dies in an unfortunate, totally unforeseen accident. The Happy Hour floating dates are June 23 with Bleu Edmondson, July 14 with Eleven Hundred Springs, July 28 with Ryan Turner, August 11 with the Kyle Bennett Band and August 25 with The Will Callers.

Now, if there is a fatal tragedy, like what happened in the Fort Worth Water Gardens, who is it who will be sued? The Trinity River Vision? The City of Fort Worth? The Tarrant Regional Water District? All of them? Who will pay?

Ultimately You........


Mr Galtex said...

This is one of your funniest, snarkiest posts ever. I LOLed several times.

As for accident liability, note this language at the official site:

"Attendees will be required to sign a waiver and receive a wristband prior to entering the river."


Anonymous said...

Even the birds won't get in the Trinity River now. Except for a few herons and egrets, but their legs are long enough they don't actually have to get in the water.

Normally there are more birds in the river in spring. But they are gone this year. I saw one duck with some chicks a few months ago, but they bailed.

To quote Dewey Cox in the movie Walk Hard: Something's happening here, and what it is ain't exactly...obvious.

TarrantLibertyGuy said...

Wow... It's literally like giving a teenage son the keys to the Porsche and a bottle of Jack Daniels. So does J.D. stand for Jack Daniels. I for one am all for Texas Music, floating in inner tubes (in CLEAN water - try San Marcos) and drinking beer. However, NOBODY VOTED ON HAVING A TEENAGE KID'S IDEA OF A TAX-PAYER FUNDED KEG PARTY! This MUST MUST MUST MUST END!!!!

Robert said...

I actually attended the June 9th event and had a good time. Definitely not for kids though, so don't take them. The band (Josh Weathers Band) was below average. Rock, Country, and Whitney Houston? Only downside was 600+ people in a crowded river drinking beer, and not one person got out of the water to pee.

Anonymous said...

I have attended more than one of the floats and enjoyed it each time. It was well organized, clean and safe. The stage that was built for the band is awesome and the event has attracted people of all ages. Twenty year olds to Fifty year olds. It was not a drunk-fest, just people having fun. The water has been tested on more than one occasion and by different organizations. There is nothing wrong with it. If you really knew what you were talking about you would know that. If you swim in the lakes, its the same thing. It was cleaner and less drunks than at an out-door music festival and those are held everywhere and hosted by major Cities. And people bring kids to those too. Thats a parenting issue. People shouldn't comment when they don't know what they are talking about. I give them a thumbs-up for trying to educate the people of Fort Worth about the river.

Anonymous said...

The first step for an alcoholic is admitting there's a problem...

Anonymous said...

How does having a kegger educate anyone about the river?

Anonymous said...

In response: Study your geography. The Trinity River is constantly moving. Goes thru Texas out to the ocean. No still, standing, stagnant water. The events are totally funded by sponsors, not the tax payers money. There is a lifeguard there and there are port-a-johns and people do use them. Neither of these are available at San Marcos. Its your choice to what beverage you bring. Life is all about choices. Learn your facts people !

Charlie said...

If you wanna go tubing and are looking for a place to go, check out www.riverratzonline.com/destinations.htm. There is a complete listing of more than 600 rivers in over 30 countries.
It's a great listing