Labor Day Virtual Visit To Oklahoma's Turner Falls

Way back when I first moved to Texas, I found myself at a party, with people from all over America, but, mostly Texans.

At some point us Pacific Northwesterners were asked our opinion of Texas. I forget how the query was framed.

We all, I think there were five of us transplanted PNWers, made mention of the fact of missing seeing scenic scenery no matter what direction one looked. That the mostly flat Texas landscape was so different from what we'd been used to.

Well, one of the Texas locals said we should venture south to Texas Hill country, maybe checking out Enchanted Rock. Or, head north to Oklahoma, to the Arbuckle Mountains, and visit Turner Falls.

And so, that first Texas summer we drove north to Oklahoma, to Turner Falls, and had a mighty fine scenic time.

If you ever find yourself driving I-35 in Oklahoma, and you realize you are driving through the Arbuckle Mountains, take the exit to the town of Davis, but, do not go east to Davis, go west to Turner Falls. The road quickly turns into mountain scenery, eventually reaching a lookout, looking out over Turner Falls, far below. Make your way down the mountain to the entry to Turner Falls Park. 

Check out my now ancient webpage devoted to Turner Falls Park and you'll see why it is a fun place to visit.

That photo documentation, at the top, is me on the left, Big Ed on the right, sitting outside Outlaw Cave, above Turner Falls. Or were we sitting on part of the castle? The Turner Falls Castle is something to behold.

It was not too many years later I discovered the scenic wonders of Texas Hill country.

Dinosaur Valley State Park was my first Hill Country experience. Dinosaur Valley has some of the best mountain bike trails I have ever rolled on. And is the only place I have biked where I got totally disoriented, as in lost, with the sun starting to set. Dinosaur Valley is also a great hiking location. Miles of trails.

And then there is Enchanted Rock State Park, way further south, in Texas Hill Country. Northwest of Austin, southwest of Waco, a few miles north of Fredericksburg. 

The hike up Enchanted Rock is unique. There is no trail. You just make your way to the top of the rock.

With the outer world finally beginning to cool down I think I shall soon venture north to Oklahoma, to the Wichita Mountain Wildlife Refuge. Considered by some to be the most scenic location in Oklahoma.

It is only about 50 miles north of my Texas location....

Microsoft OneDrive Memory Takes Me Back To Turner Falls

I quickly recognized the memory in the incoming Microsoft OneDrive "Memories from this Day".

And for once this memory actually did occur within a reasonable time frame of this day in January.

It was early in January, on a day soon after the new century began. I think it was in January of 2002. 

That is the top of Turner Falls you see above, in Turner Falls Park.

The park was flooding due to too much rain, which caused this Winter trip to Turner Falls to have Turner Falls falling way more water than a previous Summer visit to Turner Falls when I took a cooling dip directly under the waterfall. 

The summer visit to Turner Falls was HOT. Hundreds of people were enjoying cooling off, near the falls, and in a swimming hole further down Honey Creek.

Honey Creek is the name of the creek which provides Turner Falls its water.

If you are ever driving Interstate 35 in Oklahoma, and see the exit to Turner Falls, it is well worth it to take that exit.

Turner Falls is a short distance from that exit from I-35. You find yourself in the Arbuckle Mountains. Soon coming to an overlook, looking down at Turner Falls. We were not expecting to see such scenic mountain scenery that first time seeing Turner Falls.

I can't remember when last I saw a real mountain. I guess it would be the last time I was in Arizona, which was in July of 2019...

Microsoft Memories Of Oklahoma's Turner Falls

It has been a while since I have remembered all the memories in a Microsoft OneDrive look back at my memories for a particular day.

I do not remember if it was exactly on August 31, but do remember it was on an extremely HOT day in August that I visited Turner Falls Park for the first time.

I'd been in Texas a little over a year when we drove north to Oklahoma, to Turner Falls and the Arbuckle Mountains. At that point in time I had seen nothing remotely scenic in Texas, of the beautiful scenery sort, which I was used to seeing living in the Pacific Northwest.

A couple years after that first visit to Turner Falls I visited the Texas Hill Country for the first time and was pleased to see beautiful scenery of multiple types, such as Enchanted Rock.

Years ago I made a webpage about Turner Falls, and then later made a second Turner Falls webpage after a January visit which found Turner Falls in flood mode. 

In addition to the waterfall, Turner Falls Park also has caves to explore, trails to hike, swimming holes and a castle to explore.

Currently I think I may be living closer to Turner Falls than when I lived in the D/FW zone. I would be on board for a return visit to Turner Falls...

Pondering A Labor Day Weekend Visit To Turner Falls Park In Oklahoma With A Stop For Coffee At WinStar World Casino

In the picture you are looking at the biggest waterfall in Oklahoma.

Turner Falls.

In Turner Falls Park in Davis, Oklahoma.

That is my little head barely out of the water, directly under the raging water of Turner Falls.

The visit to Turner Falls Park that found me getting wet was during a very HOT August day in the year 2000.

A couple years after that visit to Turner Falls Park I returned, with Gar the Texan, on a cold winter day, with that cold winter day being the first Saturday of the new year of 2002.

I know the precise date of that winter visit to Turner Falls because I just looked at the Turner Falls Park in Winter webpage I made documenting that visit.

On the winter visit to Turner Falls there was a lot more water raging over the falls than there was during the August visit. So much water was flowing through Honey Creek that it was flooding over one of the creek crossings one crosses to get to Turner Falls.

The reason Turner Falls Park came to mind this morning is I noticed a HUGE jump in visits to my Turner Falls Park webpage when I checked my website stats.

For a second or two I wondered why there was a Turner Falls Park webpage visitor's spike. Then I remembered this is Labor Day Weekend.

Turner Falls Park will likely be packed with visitors this Labor Day Weekend, to the point access may be denied to late comers. It is a big park, but there is only so much parking in the park.

A Labor Day Weekend drive up to Turner Falls Park sounds like a really fine time. With a stop at WinStar World Casino on the way north, or the way back south. WinStar World Casino has one of the best buffets I have ever buffeted at. With what may be the most tasty coffee I have ever tasted.

Memorial Day Weekend With Turner Falls Park, Tandy Tumbleweeds & Prairie Fest x3 With Buster Keaton's The General

Tandy Tumbleweed Wannabes

The hill hiking was a little HOT today on the Tandy Hills, what with not much of a wind blowing.

Currently we are once more under the specter of an Air Quality Alert. I don't know how alarmed I should be about this alert.

Currently the thermometer is measuring the temperature at 87 degrees, with the lack of wind and the humidity making the real feel of the temperature 10 degrees warmer, at 97.

Wildflower season is now past its prime, on the Tandy Hills. Instead of a vast array of colors, currently the color scheme on the prairie is mostly shades of green.

Today I came upon the forest of big bushy weeds, you see in the above picture, looking like possible tumbleweeds in the making. I don't think we grow tumbleweeds on this part of the planet.

A few minutes ago I realized that this coming weekend is the Memorial Day Weekend. I realized this when I looked at my Google stats and saw a lot of hits on Turner Falls Park. Then I looked at my calendar and saw that this coming Monday, May 28, is Memorial Day.

Part Three of Prairie Fest x3 is this coming Saturday. This may be the biggest Memorial Day Weekend event in North Texas. When the sun goes down on Saturday it will be Movie Night on the Prairie, with Buster Keaton's The General being view under the stars.

I may be there with Elsie Hotpepper.

Who Wants To Rent A Cabin At Turner Falls Park In Oklahoma?

In the picture, that is Big Ed on the right, under the cowboy hat. That would make me on the left, without a cowboy hat. Sitting on a rock wall outside The Castle in Turner Falls Park in Davis, Oklahoma.

I don't remember what year this picture was taken. I do remember it was in August and very hot, with a lot of people in the park and cooling off in crystal-clear spring-fed Honey Creek.

I have a few pages on my Eyes on Texas website that people mistake as being the official website for some location or event. This can cause me to get asked some interesting questions.

For example, the webpage I made of my visit to the Sweetwater Rattlesnake Roundup gets me asked a lot of questions from people wanting to buy my rattlesnake skins or rattles. Oddly, many of these inquiries come from the United Kingdom.

The other webpage that generates a lot of questions is the Turner Falls Park webpage. This morning I was asked how many people my cabins can accomodate, what the cost is, are dogs allowed and are any cabins available for the July 30 weekend.

Within an easy drive from my location there are only a few of what I consider to be scenic destinations. One is Turner Falls Park, another is Dinosaur Valley State Park and another is very close to Dinosaur Valley State Park, that being the Fossil Rim Wildlife Center.

I have been to Turner Falls twice in summer, once in winter. The winter visit was with Gar the Texan. Taking Gar the Texan somewhere always reminded me of taking my nephews somewhere when they were little, due to a sort of babysitting aspect.

With Gar the Texan the babysitting often involved a case of the vapors, or an accident either caused by the vapors or leading to the vapors. Gar the Texan had a horrible case of the vapors on the way to Turner Falls.

By the time Gar the Texan made it to Turner Falls the case of the vapors was a distant memory and he was now in hyper mode, just like one of my little nephews, climbing up steep cliffs, into caves, doing all sorts of things I do not do due to my acrophobia.

Anyway, I do not know how much a cabin costs to rent at Turner Falls, or if you can keep a dog in the cabin, or if one is available the last weekend of July.

What I do know is Turner Falls Park is a scenic surprise in the Arbuckle Mountains, just a couple miles west of Interstate 35, a bit more that 50 miles from the Red River Texas border with Oklahoma.

A Saturday Hike On The Tandy Hills With Mike, Sara & Penny

That is Mike and Sara and their canine hiking companion, Penny, taking a break and having lunch on the Tandy Hills today.

Mike and Sara have lived in Dallas for 3 years. Before Dallas they lived in Eugene, Oregon, where they'd hiked a lot.

Mike and Sara were Googling for places to hike in Texas and somehow found this blog called Durango Texas, which led them to their first visit to the Tandy Hills.

I talked to Mike and Sara and Penny for awhile. Told them about other hiking places in the area.

I forgot to mention some good hiking locations, so I'll mention them now, in the oft chance Mike and Sara visit that Durango Texas Blog again.

Well, Lake Grapevine has some good trails. The trails from Rockledge Park are probably the best. You'll find the entry to Rockledge Park after you drive across Lake Grapevine Dam. Grapevine currently charges an entry fee to Rockledge Park, which I consider an outrage and an abomination.

There are several park areas around Lake Grapevine from which you can access the trails, like the Horseshoe Trails.

Across the Red River, in Oklahoma, there is Turner Falls Park, with hiking, caves and cliffs to climb.

About 60 miles southwest of Fort Worth you'll find Dinosaur Valley State Park. There are miles of good trails in this state park. Very hilly. And it is very easy to get lost. The trails are marked by color. Which does not help all that much with the getting lost problem.

There are a couple other good Fort Worth hiking locations. The Fort Worth Nature Preserve is one. It's got miles of trails, cliffs, prairie dogs, bayous and alligators. Trails that you can access from the Lake Worth overlook in Sansom Park are the steepest I have been on in Texas. Sansom Park is a maze of trails and it is possible to have fun getting lost.

I told Mike and Sara about the trails in Cedar Hills State Park. I neglected to mention how huge this park is. It is a several mile drive, once you enter the park, to get to the first hiking trailhead. At the end of the road you'll find the trailhead for some 13 miles of mountain bike trails, that you can also hike. I told Mike and Sara I've seldom seen a snake on the Tandy Hills. At Cedar Hills State Park I had my biggest rattlesnake encounter. As in, it was HUGE.

This makes twice this week I've run into humans on the Tandy Hills who had not been there before. The hills are coming alive with humans.

Gar The Texan's Birthing Trauma At Turner Falls Park In Oklahoma

I was looking on my computer for pictures of Fort Worth's I-30/I-35/I-287 Mixmaster to no avail when I came upon a folder full of pictures from Turner Falls Park.

Turner Falls Park is one of my favorite places I've been to in Texas. Only it is in Oklahoma. A short 60 miles, or so, north of the Red River border.

The crystal clear water of Honey Creek is what falls over a cliff, making Turner Falls. Turner Falls shares tallest waterfall in Oklahoma honors with a waterfall called Natural Falls. Natural Falls is in Natural Falls State Park in the Ozark Mountains part of Oklahoma.

In Turner Falls Park you will find the aforementioned waterfall and crystal clear creek. You will also find the remains of a castle, some caves, some cliffs to climb on, trails to hike and cabins and campsites to stay in.

In the picture, above, you are looking at Gar the Texan trying to relive his birthing trauma by climbing through a hole in one of the Turner Falls caves. I do not remember if Gar the Texan got stuck, or if he successfully birthed himself from the cave. I do remember being very surprised that Gar the Texan was being so adventurous, at great heights, with nary a sign of a case of the vapors.

Turner Falls Park in Oklahoma On The 4th Of July

That is me and Big Ed sitting outside Outlaw Cave at Turner Falls Park in Oklahoma.

I'm thinking Turner Falls Park might be a fun 4th of July destination. Going to Turner Falls is always a nice escape from Texas.

First off, it's in Oklahoma, which is not Texas.

Second off, Turner Falls is in a sort of mountain-like zone called the Arbuckle Mountains. My zone of Texas is mountain free.

Third off, there is the waterfall. I do not know where the closest Texas waterfall to my current Texas location might be. Pedernales Falls down by Austin? I have no idea.

If I go to Turner Falls on the 4th of July I'll be able to do some pleasant swimming in the pleasantly temperatured water of crystal clear Honey Creek.

And do some hiking on semi-mountain trails. Run up the stairs of the castle. I recollect straining my shins real bad doing that on a previous Turners Falls winter excursion.

Exploring Outlaw Cave is not all that much of a spelunking adventure. It is no Carlsbad Caverns. Or Lava Beds National Monument. But it does require some flexibility and a willingness to crawl.

The world's 5th biggest casino, WinStar World Casino Resort is on the way to Turner Falls Park. I'm thinking, either pack a picnic or stop at WinStar for their buffet. The picnic option seems to sound more like a 4th of July thing to do than a casino buffet.

I don't know how anyone could have any trouble finding Turner Falls Park. But if you are one of those who require a map to find anything, I've made one that will show you where to find Turner Falls.

Turner Falls Park In The Arbuckle Mountains In Oklahoma

Every year around this time the number one most visited page on my Eyes on Texas website becomes Turner Falls Park in Oklahoma.

Apparently a lot of people want to visit a waterfall, rare in these parts, see some mountain scenery. Also rare. Go swimming in the crystal clear water of Honey Creek. Go hiking, cave and castle exploring. Do some camping. Stay in a cabin. Or just go for the day for a picnic.

Turner Falls Park has several concession stands selling a variety of good stuff. Like snow cones. And other edibles.

On weekends you'll find arts and crafters selling their wares.

The first time I drove north, out of Texas, crossing the Red River to Oklahoma and then north past Ardmore, I was perplexed at signage indicating I was passing over or through something called the Arbuckle Mountains. Mountains? I saw no mountains. The freeway has a scenic overlook. I stopped. I saw nothing scenic.

And then, on an August Saturday, early in this century, Turner Falls was the destination. Turner Falls is only a few miles west of Interstate 35. Soon after you exit the freeway you find yourself surprised by what amounts to being sort of scaled down mountain type scenery. Complete with a mountain type, twisting and turning road.

You come to an overlook which looks down on Turner Falls. That is that view, zoomed in the photo at the top.

Back during the Great Depression the CCC built trails in Turner Falls Park, including a rock trail that leads from the overlook to the Honey Creek valley below. This is one of several locations in the Turner Falls zone that are not comfortable for anyone with any degree of acrophobia.

In summer Turner Falls falls a bit less water than it does after a heavy winter rain. When I saw Turner Falls in August the falls was a pleasant trickle that you could swim under. When I saw Turner Falls in winter that same activity would have likely been not a good idea.

That is Turner Falls in August in the picture, being a pleasant trickle of a waterfall. That is yours truly being that little pinhead in the water, with the falls hitting me.

I have met locals who claim to have never seen a waterfall. I've also met locals who claim they've never ventured north to Oklahoma. I've also met locals who claim they've never seen a mountain.

I'm thinking if you are a local, as in Texan, and have never seen a waterfall, mountain or Oklahoma, have yourself a fun daytrip and head north to the Arbuckle Mountains this summer.

Heading to Turner Falls you'll drive right by the 5th biggest casino in the world, that being WinStar World Resort Casino, just a couple miles north of the Texas/Oklahoma border. It was in that casino I had the best coffee I have ever tasted. And a really good buffet.

Walking In The Tandy Hills Emerald Forest Thinking Of Dinosaur Valley & Turner Falls

We are deep in the Tandy Hills Emerald Forest Jungle in the picture. It sort of looks like a Washington Olympic Rain Forest. Without moss. Or moose, elk, deer or bear.

My low blood pressure dizziness continues. My favorite West Texas Witch Doctor prescribed more salt for me.

When Gar the Texan returns from learning to play football in Italy he's going to go hiking with me.

Some time ago I recollect Gar the Texan telling me he had never gone on a hike. I remember, at the time I heard that, that it struck me as such a sad thing.

So, I drove the boy down to what, at that point in time, was the best place I'd found to hike in Texas, that being Dinosaur Valley.

I was a little apprehensive regarding hiking with Gar the Texan, due to the fact that every time we'd gone on a bike ride he developed a very serious case of the vapors, with only one of those vapors incidents making sense to me, because Gar had had one of the most spectacular bike wrecks I'd ever witnessed, flying over the handlebars and doing a tuck and roll.

It was quite an athletic spectacle.

Followed by a bad case of the vapors. Gar had to stay stationary while I retrieved vehicular transport to rescue him.

There had been another pre-Dinosaur Valley type hiking excursion, that I did not think of as being a hiking destination, but it turned into one. This was at Turner Falls Park in early January. Gar the Texan had had a bad case of the vapors attack on the way to Turner Falls, but, by the time we were there, he was a rock climbing, cave exploring, trail hiking maniac, with no more vapor attacks.

Gar the Texan's hiking at Dinosaur Valley surprised me. For one thing, there is a rather strenuous climb up a cliff. The hike is several miles. By the time we came to a junction, that led back to where we started, I pointed out some trails and said those are mountain biking trails on which it is very easy to get lost. Gar wanted to go hike them! But I was hungry and had had enough hiking for the day.

Anyway, I'm sitting here feeling dizzy. I made burgers and mashed spuds for lunch. Salt went into the spuds. So much for my West Texas Witch Doctor's prescription.

Turner Falls In Winter With Gar The Texan

I was scrolling through Picasa looking for pictures of Mount Rainier to go along with one of a Volcano Eruption Evacuation Route sign, when I came upon pictures taken up in Oklahoma, in January, at Turner Falls Park.

The pictures include ones of the illusive Gar the Texan, who does not use photos of the real him on his blog. I understand that several years of marriage to a butter-loving German has added some poundage to the skinny Gar the Texan we see in these photos.

In the first photo Gar the Texan is climbing down some steep stairs at the Turner Falls Castle. This very eccentric, well, castle, was built during the Great Depression.

The day that Gar the Texan and I went to Turner Falls Park in Winter, on the way north, he had the worst case of the vapors I'd seen him have. A Whopper at Burger King revived him. But, even after the revival I was concerned as to what he'd be able to do at Turner Falls Park, due to a lot of climbing and hiking being involved.

There is a cave high up the cliff beside the falls. Gar the Texan was determined to get into that cave, because we'd seen people in it when we looked down on the falls from the overlook. I am a bit of an acrophobe, though my acrophobia is very situational, as in it makes no sense. Get me at the Grand Canyon and I can climb out on some precipitous ledge and not be queasy. But if you mix a waterfall into the steepness, I get wobbly.

So, I followed Gar the Texan higher and higher as we climbed the Turner Falls cliff. The effort came to a point where I did not want to go further, but Gar did, climbing through a hole and then into the cave.

To celebrate his triumphant rock climbing and spelunking, Gar the Texan climbed a pinnacle high above the falls and let out some sort of primal scream that had me, for a second, thinking he was having another case of the vapors.

Honey Creek is what flows over Turner Falls. The water comes out of an underground spring a short distance away. It is very clear water. In summer the water gets nice and warm. In winter, not so much. But there is more of it in winter, making for scary rapids above the falls.

I have not been back to Turner Falls Park since the visit with Gar the Texan. I have been up to Oklahoma, a time or two, and have driven by the exit from I-35 that quickly leads to Turner Falls.

All year long the Turner Falls pages on my Eyes on Texas website are the most visited. Why? I do not know.

Hiking Turner Falls Park and Dinosaur Valley State Park

A day or two ago, maybe three, maybe yesterday, I made mention of what I thought was the fact that every time I went biking, hiking or roller blading with Gar the Texan he got a case of the vapors that would cause a swoon-like collapse.

Well, I totally wrongly disparaged Gar the Texan's record regarding doing anything that requires physical exertion and its resulting bad case of the vapors.

I'd forgotten I went hiking with Gar the Texan down at Dinosaur Valley State Park. It was a long hike up steep trails. He did not get a case of the vapors. If I remember right he was gung-ho to take off on another section of trail. But I was hungry and ready to quit hiking.

There was a second time that Gar the Texan hiked around without getting the vapors that I also forgot about. Now, that second time he did get a case of the vapors, but it occurred on the drive north to the hiking destination, that being Turner Falls Park up in Oklahoma.

By the time we got to Turner Falls, Gar the Texan was totally over his vapor bout and was a hiking machine, including climbing a steep cliff to get to a cave and at another point standing on top of a pinnacle. I am a bit of an acrophobe, but Gar the Texan, despite his potential for getting a case of the vapors at an inopportune time, was willing to be quite risky.

I even recollect he ran up and down the rock stairway of the Turner Falls Castle.

So, to set the record straight, the Gar the Texan cases of the vapors occurred on 2 different bike rides up by Lake Grapevine, once at the Horseshoe Trails that involved a spectacular wreck and another time at the other end of the lake that didn't involve a spectacular wreck, just a case of the vapors.

Then there was a bike ride along the Trinity Trails, going from the Fort Worth Stockyards to downtown Fort Worth's Heritage Park. This incident was a very bad case of the vapors and included Gar the Texan taking on a sort of green tint.

I previously mentioned the Gar the Texan case of the vapors that occurred a few minutes into, as far as I know, his only roller blading attempt.

Okay, I've now set the record totally straight regarding Gar the Texan's vapor cases history.

Turner Falls Park in Oklahoma

Until I visited Enchanted Rock State Park I would tell people that Turner Falls Park is the most scenic place I've seen in Texas. Even though Turner Falls isn't in Texas. It's across the border in Oklahoma.

I'd driven right by Turner Falls Park several times, not realizing it was worth seeing. It's only a few miles off I-35. When you are driving the Turner Falls Park zone of I-35 you see signs telling you that you are in the Arbuckle Mountains. But being a person from a land of actual mountains, I didn't know what they were talking about.

There is a scenic lookout exit from the freeway. I pulled off to see the scene. But to my eyes there was none. So, my first time to Turner Falls Park I had very very very low expectations. The first surprise is that almost immediately upon exiting the freeway the road does seem like a mountain highway. Twists and turns and steep drop-offs.

Then you come to an overlook built by the CCC, back in the Great Depression era. It is from that overlook you get your first look at Turner Falls. That's a zoomed view, from the overlook, you see in the photo above. The CCC also built a rock trail to the valley below, from this lookout.

You pay a fee to enter the park. There is a lot to do there. An underground spring created Honey Creek, which goes over a cliff creating Turner Falls. It is crystal clear water. And quite a pleasant temperature in summer. There are several swimming holes, including one right under the falls.

Turner Falls Parks has camping, cabins, a rock castle, lots of trails. And caves.

Go here to see photos from my first visit to Turner Falls and park info.

Go here to see a winter visit with better photos.

Go here for a map of the Turner Falls Park area.

Go here for a very short Turner Falls Park video.

Pedal Pushing

I pedaled the mountain bike trail at River Legacy Park today with Miss Brady. On the way to Arlington, while still in Fort Worth, east Fort Worth, on Meadowbrook Lane, stopped at a light, I looked up and was surprised to see the new Dallas Cowboys Stadium, the roof support arches clearly visible in the distance. So, apparently the new stadium will be visible from Fort Worth. I'm guessing you'd have to be up in one of the many tall skyscrapers in Dallas to be able to see the Dallas Cowboys Stadium from Dallas. Visible from the ground in Fort Worth, but not in Dallas, I'm assuming. I suppose I should drive over to Dallas to see if I can see the stadium lest I opine something erroneous. But that would be way too much bother so let's just assume you can't see the thing from the ground in Dallas.

Back to pedaling. Went just under 9 miles. It's fun to have someone to bike with. Since I've been in Texas that's been rare. When I first arrived in Texas a fellow Washington transplant known as Big Ed would go biking with me. But there was an incident each and every time, usually a flat tire. On the final bike ride with Big Ed he managed to come up with something quite novel to ruin the bike ride. Somehow while going up a short hill Big Ed got his baggy shorts hooked on one of his pedals. This ripped his shorts off him. He was not wearing underwear. Somehow, using his t-shirt and his ripped shorts, he was able to cover himself up enough to make it back to cover without getting an indecent exposure ticket.

And then there was this Texas native I met years ago, a west Texas boy, born and raised in some town named Bug Butt or something like that, out by Midlands/Odessa. I refer to this person as Gar the Texan. Had not heard from him in awhile, til recently. He's a Libertarian. Ran for Congress on the Libertarian ticket and lost. A couple years ago Gar the Texan married an ex-communist from the former East Germany. She may have been born after East Germany ceased being communist, so maybe she isn't an ex-communist. I'm almost 100% certain she's not a former Nazi.

Anyway, Gar the Texan got a mountain bike and roller blades and hiking boots. He'd never been on a hike before so I drove him to Dinosaur Valley and Turner Falls Park. Hiking he was able to do, for the most part, but biking and blading, not so good. He claimed to have health issues. Slight exertion did seem to quickly leave him wheezing for air and green of color. Which made little sense to me because he appeared to be in good shape, not overweight, except for carrying an excess load of hair on his head due to his unfortunately out of date (since fixed) Billy Ray Cyrus type mullet.

The first time I tried to bike with Gar the Texan was at Lake Grapevine on the Knob Hill Trail. We made it up one slight hill when his Southern Belle Beulah Routine kicked in. He pushed his bike back to my van after he recovered sufficiently to move.

The second bike incident was at Horseshoe Trails, also on Lake Grapevine. Gar the Texan did better this time til he lost control and flew over his handlebars, triggering a Major Beulah Attack. I got him stabilized on a bench and I pedaled back to my van so that I could rescue him and get him to an ER and then Krispy Kreme where he was able to eat enough doughnuts to stabilize his blood sugar.

The third bike attempt also went badly. I figured maybe paved trail would work better, so we parked at the Fort Worth Stockyards and pedaled the Trinity River Trail to downtown Fort Worth's Heritage Park. But I'd forgotten that there is a slight incline to get up to Heritage Park. Gar the Texan pushed his bike up the slight incline and then had a Beulah Attack. Heritage Park commemorates the founding of Fort Worth. Though Gar the Texan is a Texan, hence the name, it was not until he saw Heritage Park and read the signage that he realized Fort Worth had once been an actual fort. When he recovered that time he wanted to go to Hooters. With his health issues I thought Hooters would be way too stimulating so we went to Booger Red's and had Buffalo Butt Beer instead.

I only went roller blading one time with Gar the Texan. That did not go well at all. It was a nice paved trail by his house, smooth, easy to roll on. But he only made it a few wobbly feet before collapsing on a bench in full Beulah Attack Mode. After he recovered he wanted to go to Chili's and consume adult beverages to hasten his full recovery. So we did so and got subjected to listening to his barber discuss her problems with her roommate's love life. As far as I know this roller blading incident is the last time Gar the Texan did anything physical, other than getting married.