Drunk at Six Flags

It is a beautiful 5th day of January here in balmy east Fort Worth, Texas, heading for a high in the 70s today, that unpleasant sub-freezing business behind us for now. I am going to head north today after getting some work done and go to this place called Rockledge Park. It is on Lake Grapevine. On a warm winter day like today, with temps expected to be in the 70s, there will be a lot of hikers, bikers, sunseekers and dog walkers.

UPDATE: It is late afternoon, back from Lake Grapevine. It was borderline HOT today, enough so that it was hiking shirtless weather in north Texas this day in early January, 2008. Such is the schizo weather of Texas in winter, freezing one day, balmy the next. It is currently 74 coming up on 6pm. Maybe I should close the windows and conserve this heat.

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Okay, on to getting Drunk at Six Flags. If you don't already know, Six Flags is a theme park chain. The first one started here in the D/FW Metroplex in the town of Arlington, it arrived first, followed by the Ballpark in Arlington, which is due west of Six Flags, with the new Dallas Cowboy stadium under construction west of the ballpark. And due north, just across the freeway, is Six Flags Hurricane Harbor, a waterpark.

Now, the Six Flags parks are under some financial distress, some have been closed, others are near being closed. It is not difficult as an outsider who has been to Disneyland, Disneyworld, California Disney and Knott's Berry Farm to see why Six Flags might be in trouble. It is just a bit sub-par if one is a connoisseur of theme parks.

So, with Six Flags Over Texas in Arlington and Hurricane Harbor in a bit of a money pinch they came up with an often tried solution. Sell booze. This has caused an uproar here in the buckle of the bible belt. Texas is one of the states that never quite totally got over prohibition. The liquor laws in Texas are a bit macabre. You have wet, damp and dry areas. In some places the county controls the level of liquid. In others it is decided on the municipal level.

For instance, I live in a wet zone. I border a dry zone. As a result there are a lot of liquor stores in my neighborhood, one right across the street. Down the road a block, at the first freeway exit from the dry zone, there is a liquor store at each exit. Restuarants in my zone can sell booze including mixed drinks. In some dry zones you can bring your own booze into the restaurant. In some damp zones (beer & wine only) they may permit a store next to the restaurant to sell booze and serve it in the restaurant after paying a corking fee. Some zones have what is called the Uni-Card system for booze buying in a restaurant. You have to prove you are of age and then you are given a card that says you are of age. It is free of charge. You then show your Uni-Card when you order your drink. In some zones of Dallas when you go into a store, like a country clothing store (the only place I have experienced this) you are greeted and asked if you'd like a beer or glass of wine. In the Fort Worth Stockyards beer is openly sold and consumed on the streets just as if you were in Vegas. Without showgirls, just some naked cows. And Buffalo Butt Beer at Booger Red's.

So, you get the idea, the liquor laws in Texas are extremely convoluted and confusing. It is easier and best to just stay sober. Which leads us back to Six Flags. Now I'm pretty much a let anything go type guy, but even I think it is just wrong to let people get drunk at such a place. As in totally nuts. At Six Flags I've often had the experience of smelling recently expelled vomit. Can you imagine what an increase there will be of that phenomenon when you add booze to the churning mix? Six Flags is mostly roller coasters. One would think it intuitive that booze and coasters do not mix. Just like booze and kids do not mix.

As for Hurricane Harbor? It is mostly kids who go there. Parents drop them off for the day, as they also do at Six Flags, it being a friendly family venue after all. So, now you are going to add the spectre that some bad character is being emboldened by park sold booze, among all those underage potential victims?

I'm thinking if it takes booze sales to save Six Flags bottom line maybe it is time to shut the thing down. Or sell it to Disney.