Elsie Hotpepper & I Have Found A Place To Rent Machine Guns For Our Upcoming Caper

A couple days ago Elsie Hotpepper and I were planning an upcoming caper and were wondering where we might be able to rent ourselves some machine guns.

And then this morning, in a very fortuitous stroke of luck, I flipped over the latest ink edition of dfw.com to find a full page ad on the back cover for a gun store called Lone Star Guns Gallery & Gear.

This store has machine guns for rent! With an introductory price of only $65 an hour. Which includes 100 rounds of ammo.

Elsie and I estimate we'll need around 200 rounds of ammo for our caper. Which should take about 2 hours. So, 2 machine guns for 2 hours will only cost us $260.

Elsie is going to sign up for Lone Star's "Ladies Only" Pistol League. The Pistol League meets every Thursday from 6pm til 8pm.

Lone Star also has an indoor shooting range where we can practice shooting the machine guns prior to our caper.

I wonder if we will need some sort of special permit to carry the machine guns?

Citizens React Regarding Downtown Fort Worth Gunplay Of Texas Governor Rick Perry & Fort Worth Mayor Mike Moncrief

I thought it was maybe only me who thought the Governor of Texas and the Mayor of Fort Worth indulging in gunplay in downtown Fort Worth was a bit nuts.

But, this morning there were three letters to the editor in the Fort Worth Star-Telegram regarding the Governor and the Mayor playing with guns in downtown Fort Worth.

I can't help but wonder, how many instances of extremely bad judgment will it take for the voters of Fort Worth to quit electing Mike Moncrief as their mayor with 70% of the vote of the 6% of the voters who bother to vote?

I've given up on the idea that Moncrief is ever going to come to grief over his conflicts of interest crimes, as in being on the take to the Barnett Shale Natural Gas Drillers running roughshod over Fort Worth in cahoots with the corrupt mayor.

At this point in time, with so much crime, I'm starting to think the FBI is on the take too. If a city government can get so corrupted, why would it stop there?

Anyway, below are the three letters to the editor about the Governor/Mayor Shootout in downtown Fort Worth...

Not-so-hot shots

It is disturbing to have the governor of Texas and the mayor of Fort Worth pictured on the front page of the Star-Telegram waving guns for all the world to see. This is a negative message about guns, and it makes Texans look like fools.

Texans are not always viewed in the most positive light when it comes to guns, and this reinforces negative stereotypes.

-- Johnnie Skinner, Fort Worth

Did anyone else think it ironic that Perry is shooting blanks?

-- Ross Bannister, Grapevine

Even though they were firing blanks, doesn't this tell the celebrants on New Year's, July Fourth, etc., who love to fire their guns in the air using real bullets that it is quite all right because our mayor and governor do it? What were these guys thinking?

-- Paul Thomas, Fort Worth

Locked & Loaded

A couple nights ago at my local neighborhood Krogers, that's a grocery store for you who live in non-Krogers zones, an armed robber waved his gun and instructed the store's on-duty cop and all the customers in the self-checkout area to lay down on the floor, face down, with their hands behind their back. The robber forced an employee to open a safe. There was 50 dollars inside. Only 50 dollars. It was past midnight. The thief escaped into the night while all the victims ran out the back of the store, calling 911 as they ran. As of today, the armed robber remains at large.

So, last night, about 6, I took off to go to the aforementioned Krogers. And what was on my door but a warning in the form of a piece of paper. We have a Neighborhood Watch System here. The notice said, in part:

"Dear Residents,
This letter is to notify you of criminal activity that has been reported in the immediate area. Two unknown young black males dressed in dark hoodies are approaching people with a black gun & yellow pistol grips demanding wallets, cash, jewelry, cell phones or anything of value. They approach the victims while they are on foot, walking from a car to a breezeway while walking alone. The criminal activity has been reported on Oakland Hills Drive, Ederville Road, Brentwood Stair Road, Boca Raton Blvd. and Pacific Place."

Let's see, I live on Boca Raton, Brentwood Stair Road is where I had a flat tire a couple weeks ago, in a bad neighborhood, Oakland Hills Drive is the road I took to Oakland Hills Park yesterday, I'm looking at Ederville Road from my window.

Basically I am doomed.

So it was quite fortuitous that today's Fort Worth Star-Telegram's sports page had an ad that touted "Cheaper Than Dirt" firearms. Among the guns on sale at the dirt cheap prices are an AK 47 assault rifle and a Thompson 1927A, that's a "Tommy Gun" to you non-gun aficionados, you know a machine gun like gangsters used back in the Prohibition years. With this being an area of the United States where many remnants of Prohibition are still in place I guess it makes sense to be selling "Tommy Guns" to people. At "Dirt Cheap" prices.

I can't wait to get me one.