Betty Jo Bouvier Segways Across America (Except For Texas) Dispensing Economic Advice

You are looking at the Wild Woman of Woolley, Betty Jo Bouvier, on the right, and Betty Jo's daughter, Betty Jo, Jr., taking a tour of California's Sonoma wine country.

On Segways.

Does this give you a clue as to why Betty Jo came to be known as the Wild Woman of Woolley?

I have toured a California winery. Or two. But, always on foot.

Betty Jo was in Wine Country due to being in San Francisco visiting Betty Jr. I do not know if the Segways were used to tour Alcatraz or Chinatown.

This morning Betty Jo sent me a funny thing. I'm sure it's been all over the Internet. But, even so, I found it amusing, so I'm copying it below...

What do you think of this plan?

Sometime this year, we taxpayers will again receive another 'Economic Stimulus' payment.

This is indeed a very exciting program, and I'll explain it by using a Q & A format:

Q. What is an 'Economic Stimulus' payment?
A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

Q. Where will the government get this money?
A. From taxpayers.

Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
A. Only a smidgen of it.

Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?
A. Shut up.

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.S. economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:

* If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China or Sri Lanka ...

* If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs.

* If you purchase a computer, it will go to India , Taiwan or China .

* If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala ..

* If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea ..

* If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan .

* If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.

Instead, keep the money in America by:

1) Spending it at yard sales, or

2) Going to ball games, or

3) Spending it on prostitutes, or

4) Beer, or

5) Tattoos.

(These are the only American businesses still operating in the U.S. )

Conclusion:

Go to a ball game with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day!

No need to thank me, I'm just glad I could be of help.

Texas Not In Top Ten Fattest States

I was shocked to learn today that something called CalorieLab used something called the CDC's Behavioral Risk Factor Surveillance System database to determine the 50 states obesity levels, so as to rank them from Fattest to Leanest.

It is not too shocking that states in the West and New England ranked lighter, while the South and the Rust Belt ranked heavier.

Mississippi has been the fattest state for three years in a row. And Texas isn't in the Top Ten. Texas is the 15th Fattest State.

The leanest state is Colorado. Hawaii is the second leanest. My old home of Washington state is getting fat at #32, but not as fat as Oregon at #29. California is the leanest west coast state at #41. I guess Alaska is sort of on the west coast. Alaska is fatter than Texas at #14 fattest.

Washington has gotten fatter since I left the state and Texas has gotten leaner since I've been here. I don't know what to conclude. Maybe I should move to Mississippi, for awhile, and see if that causes the Mississippians weight to go down and Texans to go back up.

California and Texas Legalize Gay Marriage

California's top court has ruled as unconstitutional the state law banning same-sex marriages.

Why do people get so worked up over this ridiculous issue?

Personally I think the institution of marriage is borderline barbaric and pretty much uncivilized. I see little good coming from the marriages I've seen. And a lot of divorces and unhappy kids. Except for my mom and dad, they are the exception with a perfect marriage and perfect kids.

When I first moved to Texas I was told by Texans that in Texas the way the common law wife thing worked was if you went grocery shopping together, if you got mail delivered at the same location, if you slept under the same roof and if you both liked BBQ then in the Eyes of Texas you are married.

This was problematic for me in my first abode in Texas because there were 2 males and one female living under the same roof, sometimes shopping for groceries together, getting mail in the same mailbox. And we all liked BBQ. When I realized that in the Eyes of Texas I was living in a polygamous situation I quickly moved out.

It was only later I found out the real rules of common-law marriage in Texas. First off, they don't call it common-law. It's called an "informal marriage." According to Texas Code 2,401 an informal marriage can be established either by declaration via registering at the county courthouse, with no ceremony, or by showing evidence of an agreement to be married, and that you are cohabiting in Texas and that you've represented yourself as married to others.

I don't quite get what this declaration at the county courthouse rule is. You stand in front of the courthouse and shout that you're married? I guess that makes sense.

So, though I'm not a lawyer, it would seem to me that Texas has already legalized gay marriage, making Texas yet again at the forefront of social change in America. Despite its unfair reputation for being a repressive, religious state, Texas is extremely progressive and leads the nation in some areas, like letting anyone legally present themselves as married.

Now that I have a clearer understanding of how one can accidentally find oneself married in Texas I must be careful to not go grocery shopping with a certain marriage minded Puerto Rican sort who likes BBQ.