Alma Fixes America's Sick Economy

One of the most brilliantly bright people it is my extreme pleasure to know is Alma, the Songbird of the Texas Gulf Coast.

Alma may have the best sense of humor I've ever encountered. Usually when people send me things they think are funny, I usually don't. But Alma sends me a lot of stuff and it is almost universally either funny or interesting or both.

In other words Alma has impeccably good taste. And extraordinarily good judgment and wisdom about all sorts of things.

Including America's current economic disaster. Obama really would have had a much better Secretary of the Treasury had he picked Alma over that tax-evading Tim Geitner guy who seems way too confused to be figuring out anything complicated.

Whereas Alma has come up with a simple plan to fix the economy which she calls "Patriotic Retirement."

There are about 40 million people over 50 in the work force. Alma would pay these workers $1 million each with 3 key stipulations.

1) They quit their jobs. With 40 million fresh job openings Alma has fixed the unemployment problem.

2) Each of the new retirees is required to buy at least one NEW American car. With at least 40 million new cars bought Alma has fixed the auto industry.

3) The new retirees have to either buy a house or pay off their mortgage. Alma has now solved the housing crisis.

I am terrible at math, but it appears to me that Alma's Economic Recovery Plan is cheaper than the trillions of dollars currently being spent, or proposed to be spent.

Once the economy is back on track I wonder if the million dollar retirees can go back to work? A million dollars really is not going to tide one over for too long.

I wonder what Alma's plan for the pirate problem is?

Port Aransas Sunrises, Alma & the Puget Sound

That is sunrise at Port Aransas, this morning, sent by Alma, the Songbird of the South Texas Gulf Coast.

I have not seen the sun rise or set on saltwater in a long time. I do not remember the last time. I did see saltwater last summer, that being Puget Sound, but you do not see the sun rise or set on Puget Sound.

In Western Washington, the sun rises over the Cascade Mountains, not Puget Sound. And when the sun sets, it sets over the Olympic Mountains, not Puget Sound.

It is still spectacularly scenic, though. I remember being in a bar/restaurant in Pike Place Market in Seattle, while the sun was setting over the Olympics, with the barkeeper leading the bar patrons in a series of ooooohs, awwwhs and the sunset becoming ever more spectacular.

My best sunset ever was not a sunset. It was a moonset. On Lake Powell. The night is very dark on Lake Powell, the stars very bright. My first night on Lake Powell the moon slowly set, dropping behind the canyon wall. The instant it totally disappeared an eerie purple glow lit up the top of the canyon. It lasted for at least a minute. I had never seen anything like it.

I am hoping to go down to Port Aransas this spring, to see Alma and a sunrise or two. And to have some real seafood. I have never been further down the Texas Gulf Coast than Galveston. I loved Galveston, pre-Hurricane Ike.

Alma's Men

Alma, the Songbird of the South, currently singing down at Port Aransas on the Texas Gulf Coast, sends me the funniest stuff. Some people who send jokes and forwarded things they think are clever, should do some re-thinking. But Alma's stuff is like it's gone through the Alma Good Humor Filter and so it's always worth opening. Alma sent a record breaking amount of good stuff today; disturbing video, a disturbing history lesson, the Redneck Book of Manners, all sortsa good stuff.

And then tonight Alma sent me an amusing thing about men. And how women really don't much need us. I'll copy and paste below...

For all those men who say, "Why buy a cow when you can get milk for free"? Here's an update for you: Nowadays, 80% of women are against marriage. WHY? Because women realize, "It's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage".

MEN ARE LIKE

1. Men are like Laxatives....They irritate the crap out of you.

2. Men are like Bananas.....The older they get, the less firm they are.

3. Men are like Weather....Nothing can be done to change them.

4. Men are like Blenders....You need one, but you're not quite sure why.

5. Men are like Chocolate Bars....Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.

6. Men are like Commercials....You can't believe a word they say.

7. Men are like Department Stores.....Their clothes are always 1/2 off.

8. Men are like Government Bonds.....They take soooooooo long to mature.

9. Men are like Mascara....They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

10. Men are like Popcorn.....They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

11. Men are like Snowstorms....You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.

12. Men are like Lava Lamps....Fun to look at, but not very bright.

13. Men are like Parking Spots. All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

Now send this to all the remarkable women you know, as well as to any understanding, good-natured, fun kinda guys you might be lucky enough to know !!!!!!!!!!

Now, see why I like Alma? She is such a good judge of character. And humor.

Alma Sings at the Tarpon Ice House in Port Aransas Thursday

Alma will be singing tonight at the Tarpon Ice House down in Port Aransas. I can't tell you how much I wish I could be there.

Alma will be singing about 7pm to 10ish pm Island Time at the Tarpon Ice House 103 Roberts (by the VFW Hall on Alister at Beach Street) Port Aransas TX 78373.

Grab a sweater and come on down to the Tarpon Ice House.

We'll be burning pinion wood in the chiminea and tipping ice cold brewskys in this outside venue. I'm doing this one for fun so we'll just see what mischief we can get into! Don't waste your time at the lame-o local imitation coffee house. They just want your money. Trust me when I tell you this. Just come to the Tarpon Ice house where you can be yourself. We love that!

I'm playing for tips so bring your $1s (bigger bills always welcome) to help me make rent. I want your money, too, but I really care about you. I will sing my butt off for you! This is free music, so anything you can contribute will help! It's the slow season in Port A so I don't have to tell you what that's like! You'll have fun and my friends, known as the locals, will hopefully all come out and you will see why I love them so much! There's no place like Port Aransas and I'm feeling the love today for some reason! :-)

Come - Be Yourself.

Alma Sings Tonight at the Tarpon Ice House in Port Aransas

When Alma aka The Songbird of the South Gulf Coast has a singing gig she sends out an email announcement. The way Alma describes it it always makes me want to go.

There is a place on Lake Eagle Mountain called Augie's Sunset Cafe that is what I picture Port Aransas to be like. I don't know if Augie's Sunset Cafe survived flooding a couple years ago. It was in very deep water.

Anyway, below is Alma's Tarpon Ice House singing info. If you're in the neighborhood you'll likely want to go. I'd go, but my neighborhood is about 400 miles north of Port Aransas. I love the part about 'island time' and 'leash your doggie if it is skittish'....

Alma will be opening for Al Barlow at the Tarpon Ice House on Saturday November 8, 2008.

103 Roberts (by the VFW Hall at Alister and Beach)Port Aransas TX 78373

5pm to 8pm-ish Island Time

Come join us early and secure your good seats to watch tonight's show. Alma will be opening at 5pm and singing until Mr. Barlow starts. She will be doing all her old favorites and re-introducing new material she's worked up in the past few weeks.You can bring your doggie. Leash the doggies if they're skittish.

You can meet the friendly and interesting Port A locals who call the TIH their second home. The lovely Sheila or Julie will be your bartendresses. These wonderful ladies have a talent for knowing just when your beer is iced down to perfection! Join us and relax and chill in this unique open air venue. If you get hungry, there are a coupla restaurants where you can take a break and eat or you can call the Port A Pizzeria or Thaiphoon and they can deliver munchies to you. Alma recommends the chicken wings and the green chicken curry. Her favorites.

Then stay and have some more ice cold beer and listen to the very cool sounds of Al Barlow. Alma will be hanging around to meet you and check out the show.

If you have TOO much fun, they will call you a cab. The fare is only $5 anywhere in town.What a deal!

So, come on down. They'd all love to meet you! It beats hanging around the house and watching TV. It's another gorgeous day in Port A and of course, it will be another gorgeous night!

The Repo Man Strikes

Just when I think things can't get any worse. The Repo Man strikes.

Alma, my Sweet Songbird of the South, barely recovered from Hurricane Ike's various aggravations, got fresh, unnecessary aggravation yesterday.

Alma is down in Port Aransas, Texas. If you read my blog religiously, you already knew that.

The car she has been buying, that she needs for work, has had a major malfunction of late. That's why Alma's brother-in-law had to come get her off the island and away from any interaction with Ike.

Alma was slightly behind in her car payments on the car that did not run. Alma had communicated with her lender, who let her know they would work with her to get her back up to speed, so to speak.

And then, yesterday, Alma looks out her window to see no car. Her guitar and all her music stuff and other important things were in that car.

Alma ran out of her house and down the street and found the Repo Man stuck in the mud with her car in tow. She asked him to let her get her stuff. He told her she'd have to go to Corpus Christi to recover her possessions.

About then a Port Aransas cop, who Alma knew, showed up, assessed the situation, told the Repo Man that he made a mistake in not extending the courtesy of letting local law enforcement know he was going to take a car. The cop told Alma to get her stuff. The cop then drove Alma and her stuff back to her place.

In the meantime I'm thinking right now all these huge multi-billion dollar financial institutions, that have shafted who knows how many people, are now asking for bailouts from the Feds. While little people, like Alma, don't have that avenue of help. The Feds are not going to help Alma out with her car problem. Or the financial woes Ike caused her.

Who would order in a Repo Man days after a place is recovering from a hurricane? That just ain't right.

Alma Returned to Port Aransas Safe From Hurricane Ike

Alma is safe back in Port Aransas, her cottage on the gulf intact. Read on for Alma's account of her encounter with Hurricane Ike. And scroll way down if you want to see a photo of Alma's Boyz who survived Hurricane Ike with her.....

Hey you Guys,

I've posted all of the Hurricane Ike News from Port Aransas emails in my MySpace blog. The MySpace post includes emails I received in response and responses my long-time pal, Durango, received from posting them on his blog.... I've also included lyrics from one of my favorite songs by Blue October that was playing as I drove from Harbor Island to AP. I hope you like....

I woke up and went to the Stipes Store by the ferry and got my caffeine and ice for what has now come to be regarded as that damn meat and cheese. Why did I even bother? I just can't see food going to waste. Maybe I starved in a past life...who knows?. They were doing good business for the people getting ready to leave and the locals that were staying. They were selling massive amounts of ice, beer, sodas, gasoline, water, etc.

I got on Cotter to go home when I ran into my new "friend" from Oceans of Seafood who was waiting for the owner to come down from his residence next door and open the restaurant. They would be open for lunch. We chatted briefly and he told me I was the only left on the Island freaking out. But he did say that the Island was starting to flood from the West side at Shorty's Pasture. I don't understand how everybody could be so calm. I told him I would be checking out the beach and he suggested I go the Cotter Street way as Beach Street was already flooded. I checked out the beach by the Jettys and couldn't find a way to check it out so I followed a truck past the Marine Center and yo, there beyond some little Dunes you could see that the sea was already to the Dunes there. It looked like the sea would be over the Jettys very soon. After I took in the sight, I drove to the Beach St. access road and parked amoungst the surfers who had clogged up Beach Street in search of some good waves. I went home and my "new friend" was looking at my car. They weren't able to figure out what was wrong with it and left.

After mostly taping containers shut (mostly to make myself feet better) even tho that would have diddly effect on anything carried by the sea, I went to eat lunch at the Beach and Station Street Grill. They were doing fair, steady business to the locals who decided to stay and me. I was taking a brief lunch break at the only place that was open. I had a bowl of their killer gumbo with some toasted, crusty french bread and came back home.

I watched the news as they were now saying that Hwy 361 was flooded in places and that the road on Harbor Island (the other side of the ship channel once you take the ferry) was also flooding. I feared that I would be stuck here with the crazy locals who showed no fear or respect for the Hurricane. I then doubled my speed which resulted in discovering my deodorant didn't work and getting my nice white blouse filthy. I was now just tossing things in the car, crying and freaking out that I would lose whatever remained in my "cottage". I finally came to a point where I said, "it's in God's hands" and put the dogs in the car and hit the road.

The water in the ship channel was as high as I've ever seen it. The little ferry boats were valiantly taking passengers back and forth. I must say, it was one smooth ride considering. I thought for sure that we would be jostled about by "rollers". Rollers are large rolling waves. They are the kind of waves that could and might make you sea sick. When I'm outside on deck standing on the boats when there are rollers I instinctively reach out for something to hold on to. The deck hands laugh as they've told me that there are people who step on their brakes. As if that would do anything! It's kinda funny. But, no...no rollers, just a quick current of water filling up the channel. No dolphins. Just birds taking advantage of the disoriented fish.

As I drove past Harbor Island, past the Fin and Feather, past Hog Island, I could see that the fishing encampments and bait shops and RV Parks were all already flooded. I mean water all around them. I drove on past the ghost town of Aransas Pass. I drove on the highway and drove past North Beach and the sea had already flooded most of North Beach where I usta live. There was water already surrounding the little shack where I lived a year ago. Water was almost up to the Sea Lab. I drove over the Harbor Bridge, made my way on the Crosstown, tried to find a doggie crate at the Greenwood Walmart but they were out, tried to go to PetSmart but they were closed, went to the Everhart Walmart and they only had a large doggie crate. I had to leave the boyz in the car each time I went in a store. It was awful and I felt terrible. I was now $60 more in the hole. I finally made it to my sister's in near hysterics. It's all too much. I suffer from anxiety and got off my Klonopin, so by now I'm thinking that maybe I still need them. My hands are shaking and I hate this.

My sister was calm and I love that family so much. The kids were sheer joy to be around. My nephew is phenomenal. He's Pre-K but he can already read. It's amazing. My niece is so gentle and kind to animals and my dogs warmed up to her like I've never seen them warm up to anybody before. They actually loved the whole family. They were nervous, too. Even tho they were having the benefit of a backyard, all they wanted was to know where I was, laid by the back door whimpering and once we brought them inside and put them in the new crate I got on the way in, they calmed down. They had to be in a crate because Jack, my sister's little terrier didn't cotton to having 3 other dogs in his territory. It's only natural. We had to put my dogs outside when her dogs were inside and vice versa. We spent a nice day watching the Weather Channel and cartoons on Nickelodian.

My sister in Houston had it bad. It was scary and they lost power. They were debating whether to come down here after they learned they wouldn't have electricity for up to TWO WEEKS. I hope they do come down. It's intolerable without AC.

I tried to sleep but it was difficult. The dogs would whimper when they couldn't see me. So, at 1am, completely exhausted, I covered their crate with a Sponge Bob blanket, and lay down on the couch where they could see me. I turned off the lights and when they finally settled down, sneaked off to sleep in my nephews Harry Potter bed. When I finally slept, it was not a good sleep because I kept getting up everytime the dogs made noise. I didn't want them to wake everybody up. The dogs were just totally discombobulated not being in their own home. And I'm sure they could read "my energy" as I was worried I'd lost everything. When they settled down, I crashed so hard it seemed like 5 minutes when I woke up 5 hours later. I stayed up for an hour and went back to bed and slept til 9am. It seemed like 5 minutes.

I saw a report where somebody on some jettys in the area (didn't hear where) tried to help somebody in trouble, got swept off the jettys by a giant wave, and was washed out to sea. Wow. I read on my phone that a tree fell thru the roof and killed someone who was inside sleeping. I read where a 67 year old man refused to leave Surfside. They found him drunk in the morning. He drank his way thru Ike. A woman delivered a baby during the storm at a shelter. She was assisted by a specialist in geriatric psychology who hadn't delivered a baby in 20 years. The police reported thousands of calls from frightened people who had changed their mind about riding it out. And, of course, people were rescued from their attics and roofs.

Saturday morning, we mostly watched Sponge Bob and Mighty B cartoons and giggled and laughed. Drank good coffee and had papa con huevo tacos for breakfast. My niece and I tried to keep the dogs calm. We ate some good snacks. My sister cooked up some good stuff. And I tried to work up the energy to shower and get ready to come back to Port A. I was completely drained. I drank copious amounts of coffee but it did nothing. I was depressed and very tired. I tried to take a nap, but it just wasn't gonna happen. I started at 3pm to try to pull myself together. By 5pm or so, I had broken down the new dog cage, downloaded a Hannah Montana song (See You Again) into my laptop, gave the CD (it was the only song I liked) to my niece, rounded up my stuff and loaded it in the car. With her help, we loaded the dogs in the car and I was headed home.

I decided to pay my Cricket phone bill. Just remember, you get what you pay for. I stopped in AP for some chicken. Everywhere I looked I saw tired people. Many, I'm sure wondering how they would make up the money they spent making sure their families were OK.

There were reports of people en masse returning generators and other stuff they bought at Home Depot (and the like) since they didn't use them. The problem with this storm scenario is that people spend grocery, rent, utility, etc. money to survive the storm. To save their families. In other words, spending money they don't have. I would do the same thing. It's this kind of stuff that makes people decide they will hunker down the next time this happens. With our luck down here, next time, it will be "the Big One" but we won't listen to the hysteria mongering media. I am about $200 in the hole and my mental health took a beating.

Yes, I am safe. Yes, it could've just as easily hit here. Just 100 miles South and I would've lost everything except for what I loaded in the car. Yes, I am lucky. I have a home to come home to. I have a job to come home to. I still have all my crap. This great place to live is still here. The 1st cold front of the season blows in tomorrow so that signals the end of Hurricane Season. Yes, I am still alive. My family is alive. My Port A friends are gonna razz me good for over-reacting (in their eyes).

This Hurricane thing is terrible and I fear it will take me time to sort thru the emotions. I was just throwing stuff (literally) and now must clean house before anything comes back in the house. Maybe that, too, is a good thing. I can now set up the table for my desktop computer like I always intended to, at least for the next 2 weeks as I try to deal with this ginormous electricity estimated bill. I have an interview for a second job at a very nice resort hotel. I have gigs coming up at the Tarpon Ice House and Sips and my coffee work continues at Sips. I will probably just take all that damn cheese and meat back. There's no way I could ever even eat that much meat and cheese. I can see me constipated and farting for the rest of my life with that cheese.

My work is cut out for me.

To respond to the folks on Durango's blog...no, I don't know where the Mustang Towers are. I'm sure I've seen them, but I don't think I dropped papers there so don't know where they are. Maybe they're called something different? I dunno. I haven't see the beach today yet. I'll cruise by before I go back to CC to return my bro-in-law's car. I hope my boss, Joanne, did okay. They drove inland.

I would like to thank all of you with your kind words of care. I am so overwhelmed and touched by the concern. Robert, Chuck, Durango, Carol, and Nancy come to mind. It touched my heart that you care. Funny, Dallas got more Ike rain than we did. IT DIDN'T EVEN RAIN HERE. The mosquitoes, tho, are mutants and we could solve the energy crisis by saddling them up and riding them!

The Boyz are each laying down and sleeping soundly surrounding my sitting butt as I type this. They are exhausted. The cat, Selena, was howling loudly at the door a few minutes after we were all huddled in front of the AC. The heat index here today was 106 degrees. And people wonder why the locals wear minimal clothes. I look forward to the cold front and the change in season. We have a forecast of - get this - rain for the next 3 days. Oy.

So, I am eternally indebted to my sister. I regret that I had to be an additional burden to my sister who already has a family to care for. It was quality time with my niece and nephew that I adore.

I come from good people. I love Port Aransas and would be devastated if I couldn't live here. There's just something about this place.

And yes, I realize that I am lucky (all things considered)....

love,
alma

Alma Made It To Safe Harbor From Hurricane Ike

I got word from Alma, the Port Aransas songbird, that she made it to safety. She does not have access to a computer, yet. When she does she'll share the details of being an evacuee.

Friday Morning Hurricane Ike Update From Alma In Port Aransas

Hurricane Ike is expected to hit land by late today or early Saturday morning. We are expected to have heavy winds and rain here in the D/FW zone by around noon.

Meanwhile, this morning I got a fresh update from Alma down in Port Aransas on the Texas Gulf Coast, on her preparations to deal with the incoming storm surge.

Alma's email.....

Hey there friends....

I just woke up. I was watching Lettermen interview Jessica Simpson (I like her. I don't care for her singing, but I think she gets a bad rap) when they cut in with an update. They scared me pretty good with this storm surge talk. So, there I was in the middle of the night putting my XP desktop and PA in the car and rearranging the clothes already in there from doing laundry yesterday. It was hard to fall asleep as my brain wouldn't stop and part of me is in fear for my life and part of me is in denial. YOU try to sleep with that in your brain!

I didn't sleep well. This morning at 8am, I woke up. I feel like crap. Tired. Sick. I need caffiene. I walked outside to see who was gone. All my neighbors are still here, probably sleeping soundly. I called a Stripes store to see which, if any were open. Someone answered! I thought everyone would be closed and gone. She calmly explained to me (like I was retarded) that the storm is not hitting here. They will have some high tides and dinky tropical storm winds but we are OK. We get tropical storm winds with just a normal thunderstorm. And folks, we do. The thunderstorms here sound like the end of the world. I've been thru some on North Beach (on the north side of the Harbor Bridge where I usta live) where we got 14 inches of rain and I had to wade to my car in knee deep water after a "thunderstorm". I will be heading there to a Stripes to get a much needed Vanilla Frappacino (my big weakness and indulgence - and substitute for booze) so I can think and wake up and get on with my preparations.

I don't want to be sitting here alone with my boyz freaking out in fear as the storm howls and I breath in uncertainty whether this little shack will hold up or not. I wish I could be as cavalier as my neighbors, but I just cain't.

Things I'm taking -

Papers like my birth certificate
My songbooks
the PA
my XP desktop and printer
Data CDs with valuable information
My guitar
My boyz (I can't find Selena)
Clothes
The Cheese and Meat in my ice chest (I will add water and maybe a coupla Fraps, a coupla burritos))
My laptop
Dog Crate and the Sherpa for Papi Chulo (he'll probably be in my lap, he scares easy because he's so tiny)
My backpack (already has stuff like driver's license, my Disaster Card so I can get back into town)
A bit of dog food
And that's about it....

I will unplug eveything. Turn off the AC. Leave the TV. Tape shut all the rubbermaid containers filled with stuff. Shower and pack the bathroom stuff. Turn off all the lights. Put Gorilla tape along the lower half of the windows (OK..that's just to make me feel better). Our drains on Oleander drain to the Bay, so conversely, I think water will be pushed back up those drains as the path of least resistence to the sea and flood us that way - that's just my thinking. The "locals" are not leaving the Island. I feel like I'm overreacting but I'm scared. I told my sister I will be outa here by 2pm. I will try to take the Ferry if they are still going. It's the fastest way to the mainland. I feel the irritable bowel kicking in. My boys are blessedly calm and sleeping right now. They normally sleep when I am at work and this is when i am normally at work I haven't seen anything on TV yet and I'm glad. Sometimes I think they like to scare us. Why are the Island people so damn calm?

I will bring everything in from the outside and stack it on top of the containers. My porch will be bare bones. This is the porch with the heavenly seabreeze. I never did get to sit out there and chill with a beer.

I have been living here since 05-27-08. Almost 4 months. I drove by Sips and they are all boarded up. Oceans of Seafood is boarded up across the street. Sips is right on the Marina. Maybe 100 feet from water. I will drive down Beach Street right after my Frap and see where the sea is now. I promise I will not set a tire on wet sand.

Well, that's all I can think of at this time. I won't write again until I am on the mainland at my sister's. I have to unplug everything and pack up the modem, etc.

I feel very nervous and still can't quite believe this is happening tho I've been writing about it for a coupla days now.

More later cuz this ain't over.

love,
alma

Hurricane Ike Update From Alma and Port Aransas

Hey Durango....

I'm at work closing the store at noon. I'll be leaving here sometime during the night, tonight. A friend is looking at my car to see if we can start it, if we can't I will have to borrow my bro-in-law's car, but I will get off the Island no matter what. I'm hoping for a Northern landfall so we are spared the floods and winds. I'm hoping we have somewhere to return to. I don't want to wish it on anyone, but I just don't want it here. I'd write more but things here are quietly insane. Everyone's trying to be cool, but inside we are all freaking out. The lines to the Ferry are going to be terrible. There will be a mandatory evacuation for 8am tomorrow morning. Please pray for me....I plan to return here to live if it still exists. This is just a giant sandbar after all.

Love ya...thanks for being my friend.
alma