Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Bret Michael's Rock of Love and the Skanks

There are some TV shows that I confess I watch because they are just so train wreck awful and somehow indicative of the decline of civilization that I will sit and watch for as long as I can stand it.

The worst of the current worst is on VH1, a cable network that seems to be a repository of the worst of TV. The show I'm confessing to watching is called Rock of Love. It's about this over the hill supposed rock star named Bret Michaels and his search for love and a good groupie who can function backstage if or when this Bret Michaels person gets a singing job.

The show starts off with about 20 women and one by one they are eliminated. Bret Michaels is always saying how beautiful these women are. But from my humble view I think the majority of them are extremely, well, I think the best word to describe them is skanky. Like here in the D/FW zone there are all these strip joints, some are customized to certain wants, like there is a fat girl strip joint to appeal to chubby chasers and there is a skanky girl strip joint to appeal to guys who like skanky girls. Guys like Bret Michaels.

Here's a blurb from VH1's Rock of Love website, "If there was ever any doubt about Bret Michael's status as a Rock God, season one of Rock of Love put all those doubts to rest. The enormous success of the show proved two things: Bret continues to draw in fans by the millions - and his appeal to women has never wanted."

"Wanted"? His appeal has never wanted? Is that a Freudian Slip of some sort?

Now, I know Bret Michaels was in a band named Poison. I've no memory of a Poison song. My knowledge of Bret Michaels previous to his reality show was watching him perform with Pamela Anderson in one of those notorious Pamela Anderson home videos. Bret Michaels is a short pudgy balding homely guy who wears a wig and a hat at all times to cover his need for a toupee. He reminds me of one of my runty ugly cousins. And he wears makeup. If this is a rock god, well, God help us.

This is the second season of Bret Michael's search for love. I don't know what happened to the one who won his heart last year.

Of all the skanky women on this year's Rock of Love by far the skankiest is this awful, horribly ugly German named Angelique. She's a professional stripper who has trouble keeping her clothes on on the show. She's had something done to her lips that makes her face one of the ugliest I've ever seen. Of course Bret Michaels regularly tells her she's a beauty. And he kisses her. He kisses all the skanky women. Over and over again. Except for one, one of the few non-skanky ones, who was unsettled by all that spit swapping and so refuses to do any kissing. I like her. Too much kissing gives me chapped lips. A condition I'm in pain from right now. Oops, I got off subject. So this German girl totally creeps me out. Her English is so bad they use subtitles, which are often quite funny. I don't know what it is about Germans, maybe it's my Dutchness, but something about them makes my skin crawl, and this Angelique one is a super skin crawler.

I have no idea when original episodes of Rock of Love air. I accident upon it channel chasing while eating lunch. I do know the skanky awful ugly German got the boot. If I knew where she was doing her strip thing I'd let you know so that you don't accidentally have to see that thing take her clothes off. Maybe she's been deported. We can only hope.


lulu said...

I laughed out loud.

Durango said...

You'll laugh at anything.

susie said...

You never fail to amuse me Durango.

Durango said...

Thanks Susie. I live to be amusing. The first time I wrote this I left out the "I" word. This did not amuse me.