Monday, June 24, 2019

Trinity River Boat Tours Latest Idiocy From Fort Worth's Embarrassing Boondoggle

If I remember right, and sometimes I do, it was via Elsie Hotpepper, last week, that I first learned of the latest embarrassingly bizarre nonsense from the Trinity River Central City Uptown Panther Island District Vision.

More commonly known as America's Biggest Boondoggle.

Or history's slowest un-needed public works project since the Great Pyramid of Giza.

Nothing with the Boondoggle ever seems to be completed, but new imaginary elements are added, as earlier elements fail.

Such as the obviously doomed to die Cowtown Wakepark, which TRVA Executive Director, J.D. Granger, touted as bringing the coveted sport of wakeboarding to an urban setting. This turned out to be an eyesore of a polluted pond which could only accommodate four wakeboarders at a time. Yet no one apparently intuited the obvious soon to happen fiscal failure.

And now America's Biggest Boondoggle is adding River Boat Tours on the Trinity River.

Someone with the name Anonymous made a comment on last week's blog post about Fort Worth's Panther Island Toxicity, with the comment containing links to two sources of info about this latest aspect of America's Biggest Boondoggle...

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "Fort Worth's Panther Island Remains Toxic While Tacoma Exemplifies Civic Reinvention": 

Formidable Fort Worth will soon offer river boat tours on the Trinity River.

River boat tours coming to Trinity River

Trinity River Cruises

The first link goes to an informative article about Fort Worth's River Boat tours, whilst the second link goes to an online forum all about Fort Worth architecture (and related subjects, such as River Boat tours).

I have experienced the "insights" of those participating in the Fort Worth Architecture Forum in past years. Seems like at least a decade ago I saw some in that forum participating in sort of complaining about me characterizing the Trinity River Vision as being a Boondoggle. This was even before the slow motion building of three simple little bridges over dry land added one more bizarre element to the ongoing growing Boondoggle.

The informative article about Fort Worth's River Boat tours is in the Fort Worth Business Press. I don't quite know what to make of the FWBP's slant in this article. Did they decide to just leave it to the readers to see the absurdity without pointedly pointing it out?

Who knows?

But, let's go through this article about River boat tours coming to Trinity River and see what we think about what we are reading.

Okay, the first paragraph...

Landlocked Fort Worth may seem an unlikely place for scenic boat tours but that’s about to happen as soon as next month.

Scenic boat tours? Scenic? The Trinity River in Fort Worth only becomes remotely scenic when it leaves the downtown zone and gets to Gateway Park, leaving the levees and dams behind. But that is not where these scenic boat tours are gonna float.

And then this...

Beginning in mid-July, Waco River Safari boat tours will launch Panther Island Boat Tours with several types of river cruises from Panther Island Pavilion north of downtown Fort Worth.

Boat tours? Of what? The imaginary island? Launching from the imaginary pavilion on the imaginary island?  Several types of cruises? Cruises? Seems like only yesterday I joked about wondering how long it was gonna be before J.D. Granger and his Confederacy of Dunces added Cruise Ships to their imaginary lake and canals.

And then this...

Shanna Cate, director of the programming and development for the TRWD, said boat tours offer another opportunity for residents and visitors to interact with the Trinity.

Okay, Shanna Cate is the TRVA employee with whom J.D. Granger conducted an extra marital affair, for years, to the chagrin and disgust of multiple TRVA employees, which is how I came to know of J.D.'s Shanna shenanigans.

In the past year, the TRWD general manager, Jim Oliver, acting like that guy in Casablanca shocked about gambling at Rick's, claimed not to have known of this particular instance of workplace inappropriateness, but that once it was known, Shanna Cate was moved out from under J.D. Granger, well, removed from working directly in the TRVA, with another position created for her as the director of programming and development. Also known as party planner.

And now we see a result of Shanna Cate's new position, programming the development of River Tours cruising on the scenic Trinity River.

On a related Shanna Cate note, I thought she was now Shanna Granger. Or did the nuptials between Cate and Granger not take place on that island in the Caribbean last winter as planned? I have heard no details of that event from my on site source known as Deep Moat, who was planning on attending the nuptials. Or is the newest Mrs. Granger going by her maiden name so as to not make so obvious this latest instance of TRWD nepotism?

And then this gem directly from Shanna Cate, with a level of unbelievable numbskullery similar to her former boss, and possible new husband...

“We’re heard so many requests from people who want to be on the water for a leisurely activity with no swimsuit or paddle required,” Cate said. “This will be a perfect complement to our other river activities.”

Oh yes, that is so totally believable. Many requests from people who want to be on the Trinity River without having to touch that nasty polluted water. Is there a record of these requests? Were they made by phone, email, or direct contact? Oh yes, River Boat tours are an obvious complement to their other river activities.

And what would those be? Other than rockin' the muddy river on inner tubes?

We will combine several paragraphs which detail the nature of these imaginary river cruises, including the River Boat tour cruise fares...

The tours will offer some informational and historic perspective about Fort Worth as well as the opportunity to see downtown and other parts of the city from a different perspective, Helm said. The night tour will focus on city lights, he said. The tours will take passengers along parts of the Clear and West forks of the Trinity. “Experiences are vital for residents to offer their out-of-town guests,” Mitch Whitten, executive vice president of Visit Fort Worth. “We encourage all visitors to stay longer and experience more of Fort Worth. “

“This will offer our residents a whole new way to connect with our waterway and learn more about Fort Worth’s natural surroundings,” Rebecca Montgomery, senior vice president of advocacy for the chamber, said in a statement. “The new cruises will be an unique attraction unlike anything else in the region.”

Helm said the goal is to run as many as 10 tours per day on weekends, provided the river is not at flood level. Hour-long tours will cost $15 for adults, $9 for children and $3 for toddlers. Relaxing, two-hour sunset cruises will cost $39 per person and include the option of a meal for additional cost. BYOB will be available on these cruises.

Oh my, these river boat tours will be offering information and historic perspective about Fort Worth. Will they float by the ruins of America's Biggest Boondoggle? Giving the floaters a look at those unfinished bridges? Oh yes, one can easily see how floating on the Trinity River will be giving people an opportunity for a different perspective on Fort Worth. You know, seeing how tacky the town is from a new angle. When they cruise under the Main Street Paddock Bridge will river boaters be able to see the boarded up Heritage Park eyesore as part of their historic perspective on the Fort Worth reality?

So, floating on the river will connect people with Fort Worth's waterway, which as it slow flows through downtown Fort Worth is pretty much a glorified ditch, with multiple dams slowing the natural flow.

These cruises will be a unique attraction unlike anything else in the region? Well, that is probably true. Is there any other town in the region which would instigate something so stupid? Just like no other town in the region was so stupid as to instigate a wakeboard park, which at the time it was foisted on Fort Worth it was also touted with ridiculous hyperbole, much of it from Shanna Cate's husband, or boyfriend, or ex-boyfriend. We just do not know the status of that relationship.

Well, those sure seem like reasonable prices to charge people for the privilege of a river cruise in a scenic wonderland. That night cruise where one gets to see the lights of the stunning skyline of beautiful downtown Fort Worth, that will likely be a real people pleaser for the town's few tourists.

And let's end with one final gem from Shanna Cates...

Cate said the river cruises are already popular entertainment options in Austin, San Antonio and Oklahoma City.

What do popular river cruises in Austin, San Antonio and Oklahoma City have to do with Fort Worth having River Boat tours on a waterway like the Trinity River? I have seen those three other town's water features. Austin has several. San Antonio's is world famous. And Oklahoma City's Bricktown is of a sort Fort Worth aspires to, but is too inept to actualize.

I recollect when I first saw OKC's Bricktown it was still being developed. A HUGE sign touted the bond measure which financed the project. I believe the dollar figure was well over a billion bucks. Imagine that, local voters voting to raise funds to build something the entire community benefits from, and not relying on federal welfare to do so. Or the hiring of an ineptly unqualified local congresswoman's son to run the project, to motivate mom to try and secure federal funds.

Pathetic, pitiful, and sad.

When will this Trinity River Vision madness end? 


Anonymous said...

Isn't a forum dedicated to Fort Worth Architecture a bit of an oxymoron? When was the last skyscraper added to that town's skyline? Or other building of note? Those bridges that have been being built for years?

Anonymous said...

The cities 5th tallest building was built last year.... There's several buildings of note going up now.