Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Another Arizona Day With The Lost Dutchman Visiting Saloons, Bordellos & Tortilla Flat

Lulu's Bordello's Guide To Women Of The 1800s
Today I am exhausted again, by mid-afternoon, due to driving I don't know how many hundreds of miles of scenic wonderland.

The first tourist attraction of the day was something called a 99 Cent Store. I got Foster Grant sunglasses for 99 cents. And my dad got lost.

Eventually my mom and I were able to locate my lost dad.

My dad. A Lost Dutchman. Which became sort of the theme for the day.

The destination today was Tortilla Flat. On the way to Tortilla Flat we stopped at the Goldfield Ghost Town and visited Lulu's Bordello, among other attractions.

Back in its 1890s heyday, Goldfield was the proud home to 3 saloons, a brewery, a school and a general store, in addition to Lulu's Bordello and other enterprises.

Goldmine Ghost Town Warning Sign
I used to know a Madame who called herself Lulu. I am fairly certain the Goldfield Lulu is a different Lulu, but, I have no way of knowing this for certain.

When the nearby goldmines petered out, so did Goldfield, til its revival as a Ghost Town.

You can ride a mine train, go on underground mine tours, buy souvenirs and among many other things, go to the Mammoth Steakhouse & Saloon and have yourself a cooling Sarsaparilla libation, which is what my mom and dad and I did.

Usually mom and dad don't go in saloons and consume adult libations, but today an exception was made, since I was the designated driver.

Goldfield Mammoth Steakhouse & Saloon
Continuing on past Goldfield, in the shadow of the Superstition Mountains, those mountains being the location of the legendary Lost Dutchman Mine, the road to Tortilla Flat was an even better twisting and turning, up and down roller coaster ride than yesterday's drive up and down South Mountain.

Eventually a lake came into view. This lake is the result of the Mormon Flat Dam damming the Salt River, creating Canyon Lake.

Several lakes in this area are the result of damming the Salt River, including the biggest result of the damming, Roosevelt Lake. We did not make it as far as Roosevelt Lake, today, due to the fact that the road to that location is not paved and we are not fans of gravel roads over treacherous terrain.

Outside The Tortilla Flat Restaurant & Saloon
Where A Visiting Texan Has Been Hanged
Near the shores of Canyon Lake is where you find Tortilla Flat. Tortilla Flat is the only remaining stagecoach stop, in existence, along the famed Apache Trail. The road to Tortilla Flat, and beyond, follows the famed Apache Trail.

Drive this difficult road in modern day vehicular comfort and imagine what a ride on the Apache Trail must have been like in a stagecoach.

The Tortilla Flat name allegedly came about when some cowboys were celebrating a successful cattle drive from Globe to Phoenix. The cowboys did a bit too much celebrating, maybe at one of the Goldfield saloons, and forgot to get supplies.

By the time the cowboys made camp, at the flat mesa near present day Tortilla Flat, all they had to cook with was some flour. Some cowboys of Vaquero derivation knew how to make tortillas, and proceeded to do so. And thus, where I had lunch today, became known as Tortilla Flat.

Tortilla Flat Restroom Out Of Order
Tortilla Flat was overrun with visitors today. License plates from all over America. Three times we were behind a car from Washington. One from Alaska. Several from Canada.

You numbskulls, in Fort Worth, reading this, who don't know what a real tourist attraction looks like, well, you see out of state visitors at a real tourist attraction. A tourist attraction is not a sporting goods store with only locals in the parking lot.

Mom and dad and I had ourselves a real fun lunch today at the Superstition Restaurant & Saloon in Tortilla Flat. None of us had tortillas. Although mom did have a Taco Salad Grande that was in a fried tortilla bowl.

I've never spent so much time with my mom and dad, in saloons, as I did today.

The drive back to our homeport, from Tortilla Flat, seemed to go way faster than the drive there. Possibly due to opting to use freeways. We stopped at my sister's, on our way back to Sun Lakes. There we learned that one of my nephew's has leveled egregious accusations of malfeasance at my sister and myself, accusations made without a shred of evidence.

Another fun day in Arizona, so far.

I have no idea what they've got planned to do to me tomorrow, except for Spaghetti at my sister's house with my nephews. Since my youngest nephew is constitutionally unable to consume any food item that is not white or brown I don't know how red tomato sauce is disguised in my sister's Spaghetti. Should be interesting.


Anonymous said...

You should treat your Fort Worth readers with more delicacy. Calling us numskulls... you are a rude person.
And even if you are just intending your remarks for elected officials and those news reporters who trumpeted fake tourist attractions; well, we still bristle at your impolitic remarks.

Anonymous said...

I believe it... you committing egregious transgressions... what are you alleged to have done?