Monday, August 24, 2015

What Living In Fort Worth Is Really Like Floating The Day Away At Pavilion Island With E. Coli

This morning when I checked in on Facebook I found a message from Elsie Hotpepper, with Elsie saying OMG, which I think means Oh My Goodness.

The thing that Elsie Hotpepper was OMGing about became clear when I clicked on the link which followed the OMG, that being What Living In Fort Worth Is Really Like - cowboys, culture, and a tubing trip down the Trinity River.

The link went to what I think is some sort of real estate website, selling Fort Worth houses, and touting Fort Worth with delusional propaganda that would make the local chamber of commerce proud.

Pavilion Island? Getting that name wrong is indicative of the quality level of the research which went into creating this work of propaganda art.

Below are three of the propaganda paragraphs....

As the fifth largest city in Texas, there’s nothing small about Fort Worth—except for the vibe. With an emphasis on neighborhoods and close-knit community, it’s no wonder that Fort Worth has been named as one of America’s Most Liveable Communities multiple times by the National Civic League.

It goes by the names Panther City, Queen City, Cowtown, Funky Town, and Fort Wizard. Call it whatever you relate to the most, as long as it’s not Dallas. Fort Worth is the city where people from cities like Dallas and Austin turn to when they grow sick of their own. They might share an airport, but that’s about all these two cities have in common. This is a southwestern city with pride in its roots and it’s not trying to be anything else, unlike some places.

Grab a tube with one hand and a beer with the other. You’re about to have a day full of fun, Fort Worth style. Panther Pavilion Island is one of Fort Worth’s most popular spots and definitely one of the coolest. Whether you enjoy the relaxation of tubing or the excitement of kayaking or stand-up paddle boarding, you can do it all here. But come during the Rockin’ River events for the real excitement when all of Fort Worth shows up to party with you in the company of some great live bands.

Rockin' River events? It's Rockin' the River Happy Hour Inner Tube events.

And the name America's Biggest Boondoggle gives to its imaginary pavilion on an imaginary island is Panther Island  Pavilion. Not Panther Pavilion Island.

Fort Worth is known as Fort Wizard? People from Dallas and Austin turn to Fort Worth when they get sick of  Dallas and Austin?

It's no wonder Fort Worth has been named one of America's Most Livable Communities multiple times? Actually it is a wonder, because this has not happened multiple times. It happened one time, when a Washington D.C. lobbying group put Fort Worth on a list of towns which supposedly had America's most livable urban villages. (note: it is livable, not liveable. Spelling matters, even in propaganda pieces)

Fort Worth had a city-wide celebration to celebrate this meaningless award.

Tacoma was one of the towns which got this meaningless award. At that point in time I met Tacoma's Deputy Mayor. I asked him if Tacoma had a city-wide celebration when they got that award. He said "No, we thanked them politely and that was the end of it."

I then told the Deputy Mayor that Fort Worth had a city-wide celebration for being on that list.

"You are making that up," the Deputy Mayor said accusingly.

"Nope. It's true. A city-wide celebration," said I.

That third paragraph, the one that mention Rockin' River events, is the most bizarre, telling people to grab a tube and a beer to spend a day Fort Worth style in one of Fort Worth's most popular and cool spots, the Trinity River, for real excitement when all of Fort Worth shows up to party with you.

No mention made in this article about Rockin' the Trinity River being shut down due to e.coli levels so high that the river was dangerous to public health....

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Forgive my edit...

"But come during the Rockin’ River events for the real EXCREMENT when all of Fort Worth shows up to party with you in the company of some great live CULTURES."

Strains of music are not the only strains to be found.