Sunday, June 30, 2013

Gar The Texan Takes One More Step Towards Breaking Mickey Rooney's Multiple Marriage Record

I am not the most attentive Facebooker on the planet. Which causes me to miss Facebook notices.

It has been several years now where I have not understood why Facebook has not fallen off the Internet map, like MySpace did, with Facebook replaced by something better.

It seems to me that entities such as Google and Microsoft should be working on replacing Facebook with something better.


Today I learned that Facebook is now being used to issue Wedding Invites, doing away with the time honored method of mailing of an invite requesting a RSVP.

It was from Gar the Texan that I received my most recent wedding invite. I clicked on the "Maybe" I will attend option on the invite.

Gar the Texan is calling his latest nuptial event "Doomsday."

I can sort of imagine why Doomsday is the current Gar the Texan wedding theme. Likely, it being Doomsday has something to do with the fact that Gar the Texan is trying to beat Mickey Rooney's number of marriages record.

I have never met the first Mrs. Gar the Texan, she being the mother of his big brood of replicants, who have now made Gar the Texan into Gar the Texan Grandpa.

I have met some of the subsequent Mrs. Gar the Texans, such as the followup to the original, she being an El Paso girl with a neurological disorder that caused her to vibrate like one of those old Motel 6 beds after you inserted a quarter in the vibrating device.

The Vibrator was followed by the Very Big Girl. She being an heiress worth a million or 20. Gar the Texan thought he'd be happy married to the Very Big Rich Girl, with her letting him play video games all day, til he found out she also expected him to perform traditional husbandly duties when the sun went down.

The Very Big Girl was followed by the German. When I first met the German my skin literally crawled. She did not speak with a German accent that reminded me of Heidi Klum or Schultz from Hogan's Heroes. Gar the Texan's German spoke with a German accent that reminded me that Eva Braun married Adolf Hitler the day before he shot himself.

When Gar the Texan let it be known that he intended to marry the German I was very conflicted. I thought, should I verbalize what I thought about him marrying a German decades younger than himself who could barely speak English? Or not share that I thought this was a HUGE mistake.

I opted to keep my opinion to myself.

Gar the Texan was soon divorced from the German after she put him through a living hell of Goosestepping and Sauerkraut.

And now, it is on to wife #5, or is it #6? I don't know for sure.

The latest incoming wife appears to be more age appropriate. She is an American. An American who I believe is from Idaho. The land of really famous spuds. This bodes well. I hope.....

1 comment:

Gar said...

I always forget about the fat one.

The vibrating one is still my friend (for obvious reasons).

I'm only on marriage #3. Only.

And I've tried to get you to meet her, but I think you are having flashbacks to the Dutch hating German woman you almost forbade me to marry.

I don't know if I can ever mend your wounded Dutch feelings.