Sunday, December 28, 2014

Today I Learned I Live In The Football Capital Of The World: Tarrant County

This morning via my local purveyor of ridiculous propaganda, the Fort Worth Star-Telegram, I learned that Tarrant County is the Football capital of the world.

For you reading this who know little about Texas, Tarrant County is where the Texas towns of Fort Worth and Arlington are located.

The Dallas Cowboys play football in a monster stadium in Arlington, while Fort Worth has a college called Texas Christian University where football is played.

Apparently both Tarrant County football teams are doing well this year, hence the Star-Telegram propaganda that has Tarrant County being the Football capital of the world.

This seems to me to be an interesting variant of the Star-Telegram's patented Green With Envy verbiage. You know, where some perfectly ordinary thing in Fort Worth or Tarrant County is making the rest of the world green with envy.

Regarding Tarrant County being the Football capital of the world, I doubt most of the world has any awareness of Tarrant County. I doubt most of America has any awareness of Tarrant County. Maybe most of Texas has some awareness of Tarrant County.

As for having two football teams having a good season making Tarrant County the Football capital of the world, or America, or Texas, well, that is obviously a ridiculous thing to be suggesting.

The Star-Telegram article says nothing in the NFL or college football compares to the shock value of the Dallas Cowboys or TCU Horned Frogs.

Really? I live within short driving distance of both and have experienced absolutely no sense of being shocked.

I can think of another county, King County, that county being the location of the current Super Bowl champion. And the University of Washington Huskies. Apparently part of the Tarrant Football capital claim has to do with TCU playing in a bowl game this year. I think TCU has previously played in one other bowl game, that being the Rose one. And lost. Meanwhile, the Huskies in King County have played in multiple bowl games, including that Rose one. And won it. More than once.

UPDATE: The Fort Worth CD has informed me that TCU has won a Rose Bowl. Somehow this momentous event escaped being recorded by my memory. Was there no city wide celebration?

But, I highly doubt anyone in King  County, let alone any of the King County legitimate newspapers of record, of which there are several, would ever make the silly claim that King County was the Football capital of the world. Or ever claim anything in King County was causing other locations to be Green With Envy, because such bragging is just, well, embarrassing.

Particularly when the bragging is grounded in delusional hyperbole.

Anyway, the article in Sunday's Fort Worth Star-Telegram, about Tarrant County being the Football capital of the world, part of which I have copied below for your giggling bemusement, was written by Randy Galloway, titled, you might guess...

Tarrant County: Football capital of the world

Our local football blessings have runneth over this season, and without being provincial about it, I come to you today with a no-doubt, no-argument, official proclamation involving the truth and nothing but:

Tarrant County is the shock-value-of-a-positive-kind gridiron capital of the free world, plus those Commie nations, and the sand lizard empires, too.

Tarrant County is home to the Dallas Cowboys.

Tarrant County is home to TCU.

Don’t waste your time thinking about it, Florida. Nor you, California. Ohio, you make me laugh.

From coast to coast, all states are holding a big bag of nothing compared with our two Tarrant County trump cards.

Think about it.

Nothing compares to the shock value of the Cowboys in the NFL.

Nothing compares to the shock value of TCU in college football.

Argument closed. We Win. We Win.

And now we also see.

See what happens next for the Cowboys and for TCU. Actually, the next part is the best part.

Coming right up for the Cowboys is identifying the first-round playoff opponent, which happens Sunday. The odds figure it on being Detroit visiting Arlington in a week, but hold all wagers until it’s official.

After careful study back in early September, which included consultation with witch doctors and barstool experts, I had the Cowboys winning six games this season. I thought I was being overly optimistic.

With the regular season closing Sunday in Washington, the Cowboys could double my win total prediction. Over the last 50-something years, I’ve definitely been wrong many times about this franchise, but mainly wrong the other way.

I’ve never been this wrong this way. The shock-value-of-a-positive-kind of way.

Coinciding with the Cowboys’ sky-rise came TCU in the college world. A 5-4 conference record would have been a great season for the Frogs. But 8-1, Big 12 co-champs and a sudden national power?

Nobody, including Gary Patterson, was reading that kind of radar screen in early September.

And the “next” thing for the Frogs?

OK, maybe you heard, the College Football Playoff committee did a last-second dump job on TCU and suddenly the Frogs were out of the final four.

So what’s the next best thing that could have happened for TCU?

A bowl game against a certain kind of opponent, that’s what. That opponent had to be from, yes, the SEC West, a division, not a conference, that is the best in all of college football.

With personal great glee, all of the above will fall into place at Atlanta, at 11:30 a.m. on Wednesday, better known as New Year’s Eve morning.

The Frogs vs. Ole Miss.


cd0103 said...

TCU won the Rose Bowl game 21-19. Just FYI.

cd0103 said...

And, Randy G is not like a lot of the other startlegram writers. His style, regardless of topic, is usually over the top.

Durango said...

Thank you for alleviating me of my ignorance. How did I miss the local team winning a Rose Bowl? Shows how little attention I pay. Was there a city wide celebration for this momentous feat?

Or was little attention paid, nationally, due to the Rose Bowl no longer being the Rose Bowl of long ago fame, when the game was between the top Pac-10 team and some other well respected league. Big 10? I dunno. I do remember the winner often became the pseudo national champion.

Or, by TCU won the Rose Bowl 21-19 are you channeling some prognosticating the future thing where you have learned the Fort Worth team wins the Rose Bowl in the Year 2119?

Anonymous said...

Randy Galloway, or Grandpa Urine as his fellow media members call him, is the ultimate bloviating gasbag. I don't see a lot of difference between him and Rush Limbaugh. Grandpa Urine was on the radio for a long time as well as writing for papers in Dallas and Cowtown.

Steve A said...

Why does nobody mention Cedar Hill HS? Thankfully, USC has won, proving once again that God is a Trojan.