Only Child Syndrome

That's a German cartoon. The German on the right is saying, "He's an only child, isn't he?" To which the one on the left says, "He is now!"

The Only Children I've known have all pretty much matched the cliches about children who had no siblings. Spoiled, bratty, self-centered, selfish, an odd sense of entitlement, difficult to get along with plus a tendency to say inappropriate things that are rude and ill-mannered. Yet being extremely hyper-sensitive and brittle about even the most remotely critical remark going in their direction.

In other words, Only Children give themselves the permission to act, without expecting a consequence, in ways that when others act in a similar way to the Only Child, the Only Child becomes irrationally upset and reactive. It is a very odd spectacle to witness.

I knew an Only Child here in Fort Worth who was probably the worst of the breed I've encountered. Driving onto a museum's parking lot she told me a space would open up, because it always does. And sure enough, a car pulled out and we parked right by the entry. To which she said, "see, it always happens." Thus having her odd sense of specialness once more reinforced.

This Fort Worth Only Child was a married, recovered drug addict. She went to one of those Betty Ford Clinic type places somewhere in the Austin zone. When she completed the program there was some sort of graduation ceremony. One day she told me she was mad at her husband because he forgot her drug treatment graduation ceremony anniversary. Only Children expect every little thing to be made a big deal of. While at the same time they make absolutely no attempt at any sort of reciprocity.

I've never known an Only Child who does not expect a huge deal to be made over their birthdays. It's like they expect a day of worship. It's kind of creepy.

The Wikipedia article about Only Child Syndrome was on both sides of this issue, with some saying the Syndrome does not exist and others insisting it does. I'm on the side of those who know it exists.

I don't know who G. Stanley Hall* is, but in the Wikipedia article it said this, "G. Stanley Hall was one of the first experts to give only children a bad reputation when he referred to their situation as "a disease in itself." (*I looked up G. Stanley Hall, he was a pioneering American psychologist.)

Googling "Only Child Syndrome" I found several blogs written by Only Children, basically admitting they are different and another blog blogging about the Syndrome with several Only Children commenting on the blog and ironically and cluelessly confirming the Syndrome with their comments.

Below is an excerpt from the Blog written by an Only Child...

We have the tendency to cut people out of our lives—entire groups of people even—without a sense of remorse or grief. We draw a line in the sandbox, this is mine, this yours. But our sense of justice is clear and unrelenting—the world falls into right and wrong easily for most of us. The sandbox, then, is pretty symmetrically divided. We do this because we’re only children, and solitude is our foundation.

I know several only children—we kind of attract each other. We’re the honey and the flies. We don’t need anybody else damnit.

Okay, that’s wrong. We DO, we DO need other people. We need friends and love and all that jazz, but we prefer to outweigh socializing with solitude. Sorry, no offense, we just can’t help it. We NEED the intense me-time in order to be able to deal with you because frankly, dealing with you is annoying. You have needs and wants and demand compromise and you can’t read our minds, which means we have to communicate our own thoughts and feelings. The whole interaction gets overly complicated and we tend, then, to run off and hide, or to mentally check out, or to pick a fight just so we can have things OUR way. Then you get hoity toity and turn your nose at us accusing, “Only child syndrome!”

As God is my witness. No more Only Children shall cross my radar screen. If I can help it.

DECEMBER 17 I BLOGGED AGAIN ABOUT ONLY CHILD SYNDROME