Apache Trail Driving Miss Daisy To Tortilla Flats With Linda Lou & Big Ed

If you have not had yourself a mighty fine time in Arizona driving Miss Daisy's special wheels on the Apache Trail, you are really missing something.

In this particular photo documentation you see the moment Miss Daisy arrived in Tortilla Flats.

A somewhat large crowd of tourists cheered as Miss Daisy rolled into town.

The road to Tortilla Flats has been repaved since I last drove it in 2012. It is so smooth now it is like self motoring on a roller coaster of ups and downs, twists and turns and sharp drop offs.

Some with guard rails.

With ongoing narration from Big Ed, with the multi purpose of distracting Linda Lou from panic attacks and distracting me from being annoyed at the constant demands from Miss Daisy.

Linda Lou has some sort of aversion to mountain type roads which traverse cliffs with other drama inducing features. At one point Big Ed asked Linda Lou if one of her multiple doctor degrees was a PhD in Animated Whinology.

This seemed amusing at the time and still seems slightly amusing the day after the screaming abated.

Soon upon arrival Miss Daisy had us roll her wheels into the Superstition Saloon and Restaurant where Miss Daisy opted not to drink beer whilst sitting on one of the saloon's horse saddle stools whilst pondering the menu.

No, I do not think, for sure, that that is Big Ed and Linda Lou on the right side of the group of horse saddle sitting beer sippers. But it looks as if it may be them.

The walls of the Superstition Saloon are plastered with money, mostly American dollar bills, with occasional  currency from other nations. Above we are looking at Linda Lou, back at the dining room table, looking at a wall of money, and the dead bat dangling overhead.

Above you are looking the result when Linda Lou asked a fellow tourist, I think she was Australian, if she could take time out from enjoying her delicious Prickly Pear Gelatto to take a group photo.

That would be Linda Lou, me and Big Ed in the back, which would make that Miss Daisy hitting the brakes on her wheels.

After this photo was taken Linda Lou led us into the aforementioned gelatto purveyor's location where cold confections were acquired for all but myself.

After multiple inquiries, from multiple Tortilla Flats locals, about how scary the next section of the Apache Trail was in actual fact, the consensus was that, even though the next five miles are now paved, it is still not for the faint of heart with fear of heights.

And so Linda Lou allied with Miss Daisy to forbid any further exploration of the Apache Trail.

So, it was back to civilization, soon arrived at, where surface roads were mostly used for a lengthy torment which included eventually reaching Little Mexico, also known as the little town of Guadalupe, followed a few minutes later by being back at home base in Sun Lakes.

This morning brought an adventurous return of Linda Lou to Sky Harbor Airport. I did not realize the freeways would be so busy at five in the morning.

Or that Miss Daisy would get up before five to call and insist on riding along to the airport.

Have I mentioned I am looking forward to being back in Texas? Words two decades ago no amount of imagination could have conjured imagining what might cause me to utter such a declaration...

Another Arizona Day With The Lost Dutchman Visiting Saloons, Bordellos & Tortilla Flat

Lulu's Bordello's Guide To Women Of The 1800s

Today I am exhausted again, by mid-afternoon, due to driving I don't know how many hundreds of miles of scenic wonderland.

The first tourist attraction of the day was something called a 99 Cent Store. I got Foster Grant sunglasses for 99 cents. And my dad got lost.

Eventually my mom and I were able to locate my lost dad.

My dad. A Lost Dutchman. Which became sort of the theme for the day.

The destination today was Tortilla Flat. On the way to Tortilla Flat we stopped at the Goldfield Ghost Town and visited Lulu's Bordello, among other attractions.

Back in its 1890s heyday, Goldfield was the proud home to 3 saloons, a brewery, a school and a general store, in addition to Lulu's Bordello and other enterprises.

Goldmine Ghost Town Warning Sign

I used to know a Madame who called herself Lulu. I am fairly certain the Goldfield Lulu is a different Lulu, but, I have no way of knowing this for certain.

When the nearby goldmines petered out, so did Goldfield, til its revival as a Ghost Town.

You can ride a mine train, go on underground mine tours, buy souvenirs and among many other things, go to the Mammoth Steakhouse & Saloon and have yourself a cooling Sarsaparilla libation, which is what my mom and dad and I did.

Usually mom and dad don't go in saloons and consume adult libations, but today an exception was made, since I was the designated driver.

Goldfield Mammoth Steakhouse & Saloon

Continuing on past Goldfield, in the shadow of the Superstition Mountains, those mountains being the location of the legendary Lost Dutchman Mine, the road to Tortilla Flat was an even better twisting and turning, up and down roller coaster ride than yesterday's drive up and down South Mountain.

Eventually a lake came into view. This lake is the result of the Mormon Flat Dam damming the Salt River, creating Canyon Lake.

Several lakes in this area are the result of damming the Salt River, including the biggest result of the damming, Roosevelt Lake. We did not make it as far as Roosevelt Lake, today, due to the fact that the road to that location is not paved and we are not fans of gravel roads over treacherous terrain.

Outside The Tortilla Flat Restaurant & Saloon
Where A Visiting Texan Has Been Hanged

Near the shores of Canyon Lake is where you find Tortilla Flat. Tortilla Flat is the only remaining stagecoach stop, in existence, along the famed Apache Trail. The road to Tortilla Flat, and beyond, follows the famed Apache Trail.

Drive this difficult road in modern day vehicular comfort and imagine what a ride on the Apache Trail must have been like in a stagecoach.

The Tortilla Flat name allegedly came about when some cowboys were celebrating a successful cattle drive from Globe to Phoenix. The cowboys did a bit too much celebrating, maybe at one of the Goldfield saloons, and forgot to get supplies.

By the time the cowboys made camp, at the flat mesa near present day Tortilla Flat, all they had to cook with was some flour. Some cowboys of Vaquero derivation knew how to make tortillas, and proceeded to do so. And thus, where I had lunch today, became known as Tortilla Flat.

Tortilla Flat Restroom Out Of Order

Tortilla Flat was overrun with visitors today. License plates from all over America. Three times we were behind a car from Washington. One from Alaska. Several from Canada.

You numbskulls, in Fort Worth, reading this, who don't know what a real tourist attraction looks like, well, you see out of state visitors at a real tourist attraction. A tourist attraction is not a sporting goods store with only locals in the parking lot.

Mom and dad and I had ourselves a real fun lunch today at the Superstition Restaurant & Saloon in Tortilla Flat. None of us had tortillas. Although mom did have a Taco Salad Grande that was in a fried tortilla bowl.

I've never spent so much time with my mom and dad, in saloons, as I did today.

The drive back to our homeport, from Tortilla Flat, seemed to go way faster than the drive there. Possibly due to opting to use freeways. We stopped at my sister's, on our way back to Sun Lakes. There we learned that one of my nephew's has leveled egregious accusations of malfeasance at my sister and myself, accusations made without a shred of evidence.

Another fun day in Arizona, so far.

I have no idea what they've got planned to do to me tomorrow, except for Spaghetti at my sister's house with my nephews. Since my youngest nephew is constitutionally unable to consume any food item that is not white or brown I don't know how red tomato sauce is disguised in my sister's Spaghetti. Should be interesting.