Confessions of a Fat Man

Things have gone downhill for me, weight-wise. I feel like such a hypocrite. A time or two in the past 6 months I think I may have blogged about the obese people plague.

In my mind I weighed 168.5. That is what I weighed when I flew up to Tacoma for a month last July. While in Tacoma attempts were made to fatten me up. I was forced to eat dinner, of a high caloric sort, which I don't usually do.

No matter how many times I'd insist that I don't eat dinner, I was forced to do so, including one time being coerced against my will to go to McDonalds for a Fish Sandwich Happy Meal.

While in Tacoma I was continually plied with fermented beverages with a high caloric count. I was repeatedly brought to restaurants and made to eat.

However, for some reason I was able to escape Tacoma, after a month of the forced feeding, and make it back here to Skinny Texas, having only gained a pound or two. It was a miracle. I attribute the lack of a huge weight gain to all the nervous stress I was subjected to.

All went well for months after I got back to Texas. No weight gain. And then the first of the year arrived. A week later my mom and dad arrived. Each day of their visit I was brought to an All You Can Eat restaurant, Babe's Chicken, Riscky's BBQ and Sweet Tomatoes. The visit to Sweet Tomatoes proved to be the breaking point. I have returned again and again.

I don't know how many times I've been to Zorro's Buffet since January 1. I started buying cheese again, a lot of it. Butter started being melted on my evening air popped corn.

I swore I would never let myself get over 200 pounds again. This morning I weighed 205. I'm a fat bloated whale. I look like a fat version of my lookalike, Tom Cruise. On the bright side, all this fat makes me float easily in the pool and insulates me from the cold of the water.

I can put on weight fast and take it off fast. I am in take off mode now. I anticipate the process to take a couple weeks with me back in the 170 zone by May.