Being Smarmy On Facebook Can Cause The Gag Me With A Spoon Reflex

On Facebook this morning I learned that Wee Cheng loves Durian. Wee Cheng lives in Singapore. I think Durian may be a fruit. Or maybe Wee Cheng's new boyfriend.

Wee Cheng sharing her latest love on Facebook put me in mind of an amusing article in this week's DFW.com Ink Edition. DFW.com has a weekly column titled Y Me? Y Me? is sort of a lovelorn column written by a guy.

This week's Y Me? column is titled Annoyingly in love online.

Below is an excerpt from this week's Y Me? column....

I do appreciate the voyeurism of social networking, but I'm finding out fast that I have a lot of annoying Facebook friends. There's nothing more annoying than two people in love, posting sweet nothings on the other's wall. Why is posting such things a sure sign of insecurity? Because if Guy A wanted to tell Lady B how great she is, then theoretically all he'd have to do is tell her in person, over the phone or via text message. The fact that he's doing it on her Facebook wall means he's declaring it publicly -- which is the Facebook version of marking his territory.

The main motivation behind it is to make other people jealous. The reason it rings false to me is because it always feels like the lovers are trying to convince themselves that they believe all of the things they are posting, like they're more method actors than lovebirds. If they really did care for one another as much as they say in Facebook posts, they wouldn't need to reinforce those feelings with constant public declarations.

They'd do that in private, secure in the idea that the one knows how the other feels.

I was going through my feed, and I found a few gems that I thought I'd reinterpret. Names have been omitted to protect the obnoxious.

What they said : "If I was any more in love with you I'd explode! I still can't believe how lucky I am to have found you."

What they meant: "I can't be happy if you're all not looking at me."

What they said: "I have the best husband in the world! I can't believe how lucky I am to get to wake up next to you every day!"

What they meant: "I'm stuck with you, but if I can convince all of my friends that we are a model couple, at least I'll get to feed off their jealousy."

What they said: "A night in with the handsomest man on the planet! I can't wait to get that grill going, and watch a movie with my sweetie."

What they meant: "We never go out, and I'm tired of tasting the bitter charring of my man's unwashed grill."

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There has been a time or two when I've asked someone if it was realized that everyone was reading their exchange with a significant other on Facebook that seemed rather personal. I've had a person say they did not realize the conversation was out in the open amongst all their Facebook friends. I've also had a person acknowledge they were fully aware their conversation was read by all.

I agree with Y Me? regarding it seeming like the person's posting these smarmy messages are doing so for sad reasons.

A few weeks ago, on Facebook, someone shared their current status saying something like "They say it gets easier with time. They lie. It has been 25 years since grandpa died and it gets no easier. I miss him as much today as the day he died. I love you grandpa."

Now, I read this and thought to myself, wait a minute, I thought you always described this particular grandpa as an over-controlling, domineering aggravation. So why write this smarmy stuff about grandpa? Who is it directed at? Your own conscience?

Facebook is not the only source of this type thing.

There is this blog written by a borderline illiterate woman with mental health issues. She will write the most convoluted, embarrassing, contradictory spew of nonsense, with her long suffering husband then feeling compelled to make a comment along the line of "Great post, bebe, so brave, but I expect no less from someone as wonderful and beautiful as you are, inside and out."

I always liked that Valley Girl slang, "Gag me with a spoon."