Negative Fat Female Barber

Like I've said before, Alma, the Port Aransas Night Club Singer, sends me a lot of funny stuff. Like this one this morning....It struck me as amusing due to me having been acquainted with an extremely fat negative type person who sounds a lot like the extremely fat barber in this story....

This is something to think about when negative people are doing their best to rain on your parade. So, remember this story the next time someone, who knows nothing, and cares less, tries to make your life miserable.

I was at my extremely fat barber's, getting my hair cut for a trip to Rome. I mentioned the trip to my extremely fat barber, who responded; "Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"

"We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"

"Continental?" exclaimed my extremely fat barber." That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?"

"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on the Tiber River called Teste."

"Don't go any further! I know that place. Everybody thinks its gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump, the worst hotel in the city! The rooms are small, the service is surly, and they're overpriced. So, whatcha' doing when you get there?"

"We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope."

"That's rich," laughed my extremely fat barber. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."

A month later, returned from Rome, I went to get another haircut. My extremely fat barber asked me about my trip to Rome.

"It was wonderful," I said, "not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked, so they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a beautiful 21-year-old stewardess who waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"

"Well," muttered my extremely fat barber, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope."

"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me."

"Oh, really! What'd he say?"

He said, "Where'd you get that horrible haircut?"