Nick Hogan Doesn't Know Best

75% of the hundreds of people who have voted in my latest poll have indicated I should complain more about TV. Why, I do not know. But, I live to oblige.

So, I was eating lunch in front of a TV today and MSNBC was live with a crime sentencing. On the screen I saw that pop culture oddity, the pro-wrestler who calls himself Hulk Hogan. I wondered what crime did he commit? I remember reading that his wife Linda had had her fill of his overbearing ways and had filed for divorce. Had Hulk wrestled with her roughly?

I do remember watching an episode of "Hogan Knows Best," that being the Hogan Family reality show on that repository of BAD TV known as VH1, and the Hulk's wife, Linda had insisted on keeping a constantly pooping, diaper wearing monkey in the house. Much hilarity and mayhem ensued. A highlight being the Hulk having to change a monkey diaper and the monkey rubbing monkey poop on Mr. Hogan. A reality show highpoint.

Anyway, back to today on MSNBC. It was not Hulk Hogan who was heading behind bars. It's the teenage son, 17 year old Nick who is going to do some hard time. Unbeknownst to me (I can not be expected to keep up on everything) Nick was speeding, drunk and had a wreck which left his friend, a US Marine named John Graziano, in a possibly permanent vegetative state of perpetual coma.

I do not know if this will all show up on "Hogan Knows Best." Or if the divorce is part of the show. I do know that "Hogan Knows Best" now has a spin-off called "Brooke Hogan Knows Best." Brooke is the daughter. She's a singer wannabe. She looks older than her years. She seems likable.

I've not watched all that many of the "Hogan Knows Best" shows. I've found the wife, Linda, amusing, the kids tolerable, and Hulk Hogan an overbearing, sorta pseudo macho acting guy with an affected sounding way too deep voice and an odd, likely steroid use enhanced mode of walking, likely due to all that heft.

I happened upon an episode of "Hogan Knows Best" just a day or two ago. Linda and daughter Brooke tricked Hogan, real name, Terry, into going to a spa for all sortsa girly treatments to which he greatly objected. When it came time for him to wash off all the weird goo that had been rubbed all over him, his daughter, Brooke, managed to glance into the shower room and come out screaming, "I saw dad's wienie, I saw dad's wienie!" It being cable, and VH1 I cringed in fear that we, the innocent viewers, were also going to get a peak. We didn't. We did see Terry Hogan in the world's skimpiest bikini though and that is something I wish I'd not seen.

I don't know how Nick Hogan got so out of control. I'm amazed, from what I've seen on the show, that he got away from his dad long enough to get drunk. I remember one episode revolved around the dad's out of control concern that the then 15 year old Nick was being sexually active. Much cringeworthty TV time followed.

From what I've seen of Nick Hogan on "Hogan Knows Best," he is not going to handle very well the inevitable strip search prior to his lockup. I'm sure VH1 will be there to share every detail.