Friday, July 31, 2015

At The Geekfill Bar Texas Sings Karaoke While Washington Drinks Coffee

Spencer Jack's dad, my favorite nephew, Jason, also known as FNJ, emailed a link to a geekfill webpage titled The 50 States Of America If They Were Actually People In A Bar. California Is Perfect.

Below are some of the more amusing states being a person in a bar, starting with California. Texas being a person in a bar is amusing, as was my old home state of Washington, and the state I was born in, Oregon, but before you meet those states in a bar, California...

California is constantly buying drinks for others, yet has failing kidneys from lack of hydration.

Arizona is the bouncer, kicking Mexicans out who are trying to get in from the bar across the street. Ironically, he’s drinking Tecate.

Colorado is a beautiful, perfectly athletic couple wearing all Patagonia, drinking craft beer talking about their last mountaineering trip, with an air of aloofness.

Idaho is drinking Keystone Light and pretending they are part of the South.

Kansas is dressed in a plaid shirt, jeans and clean boots. He’s friendly enough and even buys a round to get the party started. After a few drinks, it’s obvious he feels sorry for Oklahoma, hates Missouri, and is hung up on Colorado. After striking out with California, him and Wisconsin get hammered drunk and sing Country Boy.

Mississippi is just looking to start a fight with Alabama about who’s less redneck.

New Hampshire is a skinny, nerdy white guy in a collared shirt and khakis, who also carried in signs for his favorite political candidate. He’s drinking craft beer and getting into philosophical and political discussions with Vermont and Maine, but is open to talk to everyone. He is quick to tell everyone he loves himself, and humbly without arrogance.

Oklahoma is an obese couple who have not moved from their spots since sitting down next to Texas. They have on sweatpants, and brought in fast food to eat at the bar. They are drinking Bud Light bottles.

Oregon is the hipster drinking the eclectic craft microbrew that nobody’s even heard of.

Texas is singing karaoke about how great Texas is.

Washington is a pale girl, very quiet and reluctant to be friendly to anyone except Oregon. She has glasses and a couple books, and isn’t drinking because she’s enjoying a cup of coffee she got from her favorite place on the way here. She loves hiking with her boyfriend and watching indie movies and documentaries on Netflix. She suddenly yells at New Jersey for throwing a napkin on the floor and not in the correct recycling bin.

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