Thursday, December 30, 2010

The City Of Fort Worth's Personal Ad: I Am Fort Worth & I Am Looking For Someone To Love Me


Earlier today, on my Washington Blog, I blogged about an amusing article in the Seattle P-I in which the article writer conjured up a personal ad for the City of Seattle based on the various lists, rankings and polls that had Seattle on them, to varying degrees of it being a good or bad thing.

Seattle's Personal Ad went like this...

"Even though I'm getting up there in years (I was born in 1869), I'd like to find a young companion. A college student, maybe. Don't let my age fool you; I've been told I'm pretty cool and fairly romantic. I've also been told I need to work on my personal appearance, but I'd rather read a book than pick out clothes. Our first date probably wouldn't be too extravagant, and we'd probably have to take the bus. (I'm not a good driver, and bad traffic only makes things worse.) We'd probably go for coffee, or maybe to the nation's best cocktail bar. Or maybe we'll just read a book. Did I mention I like to read? You should know I'm especially good with men and extremely gay-friendly."

Fort Worth's Personal Ad goes like this...

"Even though I have been around for parts of 3 centuries I am quite immature in many ways. I have a big brother who I have always been envious of. He sort of dominates me. I've always felt like no one notices me. However, I have been told I am very easy to live with. I don't like to read, am a bit overweight, oh, all right, I'll be honest. I'm fat. I'm not the prettiest thing to look at, a little rough around the edges. Let's just say my infrastructure could use some work. I don't require indoor plumbing. I don't mind outhouses. Did I already mention I don't like to read? I also do not like to exercise. I do like fried food, donuts, catfish and anything BBQed. I can take you out to the world's biggest honky tonk. I do have some self esteem issues. I have been known to give away favors in exchange for promises that are never delivered. I have had more holes drilled in me than any other place in America. I'm a very cheap date. Really easy to bribe. I'll do just about anything for you if you dangle the right amount of cash in front of me. Did I mention I don't like to read?"

Okay. That was fun....

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

That was very good, Durango. It was fun to read as well.

I would only add that FW's distaste for reading (and expanding its knowledge of the world and its critical thinking skills ) is reflected in all the poor leadership who've made all the goofy policies and wasteful actions possible.

FW would only look "attractive" around 2am, just before the bar shuts down.