Sunday, February 22, 2009

Today Is Sunday In Texas

Another blue sky Sunday here in North Texas. Things green seem to be springing to life. Soon Texas will turn colorful for a month or two with the sprouting of wildflowers. And then it'll turn brown, for the most part.

Tonight is Academy Awards night. Last year I think I lasted less than a half hour before turning off the TV. I've not gone to a movie in a theater in this century.

The Academy Awards used to seem sort of like living history with all sorts of famous movie stars from as far back as the 1920s, alive and on display in their elderly form.

Only a few of the Hollywood Stars of Old are still alive. Mickey Rooney, Elizabeth Taylor, Debbie Reynolds, I can think of no others. I'm sure there must be some.

You know you're getting old when Warren Beatty and Clint Eastwood get Lifetime Achievement Awards.

And tonight they are giving the Jean Hersholt Humanitarian Award to Jerry Lewis. I read this morning that those humorless, clueless French still think Jerry Lewis is a comedic genius. That's troubling.

Speaking of Humanitarian Awards, this morning I got an interesting, empathetic email from someone in Tacoma who, apparently, has been reading my blog ever since I was up in Tacoma and who has been, and is, appalled by the childish rantings of a fellow Tacomaite and amused by my ongoing attempts to make sense of what I've come to understand was/is very difficult to understand behavior. I had no idea, til this person told me, that the party in question, previously, had me up on a pedestal and referred to me as her second husband. Just typing that sent a chilling shudder down my spine.

I've not read any of the ranting in awhile, the last instance was pretty funny and so embarrassingly self-revealing, making clear, for any and all to see, what I meant by toxic madness.

The funniest part of that particular ranting was a line, something like, the party in question "had been warned that it would end badly if she allowed me back into her life." Now, I long ago understood that this particular person creates her own alternative reality, that bears little relationship to truth. I love the idea that she lets people into or out of "her life," as if it is some sort of Theme Park one gains admission to.

The reality is, it has always been her behavior that causes things to "end badly." The time previous to the final instance was way back in the 1990s, at Sunriver, when I'd had enough of her lack of impulse control causing multiple temper tantrums. By the time I moved to Texas we were on friendly terms again. I remember returning in 2000 and being confused as to why there had been a move to Tacoma, but I didn't ask and didn't learn why til a couple years later.

By 2003, or so, this person had pretty much faded from my consciousness. Then I got a call from my brother. A friend of his, who knew I knew the party in question, had been unable to reach her. I called the number, I had, to find it'd been disconnected. I contacted a mutual friend, in Bellingham, who told me there had been some trouble, that I'd have to find out the details elsewhere. But, she gave me a phone number.

So, I called and told the person, who was warned "not to let me back in her life because it would end badly," that Miss X was trying to get in contact with her. The person who runs her life like a Theme Park and I exchanged pleasantries. And then I got off the phone. I did not realize, at the time, that my calling had given her my cell phone number.

So, with that cell number, the calls began. Soon the calls came daily. I have no idea at what point in time I was granted admission to this person's Fabulous Life. I do know I flew up there in February of 2004 and this was the first time in years I'd physically been in this person's Fabulous Life. I was back again, for a month, in August of 2004. That time I really was deep into that Fabulous Life, staying the month in her apartment building. That was actually fun.

I returned again in November of 2004, 3 flights up to Seattle in one year. I did not like that. I was up there again in, I think, October of 2005 and then again in April of 2006. On that visit I house sat for the person who now villifies me, while she and her first husband went to Mexico.

My next return was July 20 this past summer, for an entire hellish month that ended August 20. The person who now says she has divorced me (again, shudder) had convinced herself that I was moving back to Washington, at least part time, to do flea markets with her. The concept had been discussed, but not seriously, by me. The person who now villifies me, in stereotypical Only Child Syndrome fashion, did not take it well when I said I was returning to Texas and that no, I did not think I was interested in a flea market career. Though it had been sort of fun helping out with several of those, 3 times at the Fremont Sunday Market, once at Art in the Park and one really boring one in Lacey, called the Saturday Market.

Of course, me good-naturedly doing these flea markets, drivng all over, making magnets and even washing dishes and cleaning a filthy kitchen floor is totally forgotten when some minor thing upsets the Only Child, causing a fit to be pitched with a temper tantrum. Which, with the perspective of time and space, makes it all seem pretty funny, with such a high level of groundless acrimony on display. It was I who had valid reason to be righteously offended and upset.

The biggest irony is it was actually I who let this person back into my life. And I actually did have someone remind me of how difficult she was. But, I've always found her very amusing and I figured she was older, maybe the hormonal rages no longer happened. I knew she'd been in therapy and was taking mood altering medications, all of which made me think the temper tantrums were a thing of the past.

I was wrong.

Everything had gotten worse. I don't think I was ever able to get my balance back from the shock of my second day in Tacoma last summer, when seeing the party in question, for the first time in over 2 years, to see that she'd at least doubled in size. I don't know if I was able to keep an unshocked looking expression on my face. I do remember that upon seeing me she told me I looked sickly and gaunt! I probably did. I felt like throwing up.


Anonymous said...

Just so you know there are more than one of us here who follow your blogs and were surprized by how she treated you after you'd been here helping her. I met you at Fremont and I enjoyed meeting you after reading you in your blog. She said you tried to shame her. She should be ashamed. I'd sign my name but I am still in her theme park and don't want her mad at me.

T-Town Girl said...

She complains about you saying things about her, then she turns around and says real ugly things about you. I don't think she understands what a hypocrite she is and that she's made herself look bad. I'm embarrased for her.

Anonymous said...

You need to cut some slack. It can't be easy being her with all she's done to herself, just living in that body would be like being in a prison cell. I know you were a victim, but try to forgive. It'll help your blood pressure.

Durango said...

Two Anonymouses and T-Town Girl letting me know there are pockets of sanity in Tacoma.

Anon #1, I met quite a few people at Fremont, found them all quite pleasant, yourself included, I am sure.

T-Town Girl, I'm glad the convolutedness is obvious to you, like I've said many a time, there is seriously degraded thinking in play, to the point I don't really know what level of accountability one should expect. Anon #2. My blood pressure is doing real well. I like your prison cell analogy.

Anonymous said...

Other Hollywood oldtimers that are still alive: Karl Malden (in his nineties), Kirk Douglas (also in his nineties), Angela Lansbury and Eva Marie Saint (both mid eighties), Tony Curtis (eighty plus).....

Gar said...

If I put on some heft and start pining for you in prose then you'll let me back into your life?

I already tried to write a story about how much you meant to me. Did you read it?

Maybe I should start making jewelry out of old circuit boards. We could grow toxic together in Canton.

Durango said...

Gar---I didn't realize you were out of my life. Why was I not informed of this? You wrote a story about pining for me? Well, that's a first. Jewelry out of old circuit boards sounds fascinating. So does selling them at Canton. I really don't know if you're able to do toxic though. I don't think you have it in you. I could teach you.

Durango said...

Anon #3, thanks for the info about other still living Hollywoodites. I think I saw Eve Marie Saint last night. She's looking good in her 80s.

I think it's the even older Old Hollywood who's passing I lament. The last of those big ones to go, I think, was Katharine Hepburn. And Myrna Loy, gone in 2003. Bette Davis has been gone a long long time.

Tony Curtis? Had I been asked to make a bet I would have bet he was no longer among us. I should have thought of Kirk Douglas.

Anonymous said...

Wow. I too am one of your Tacoma readers and have commented multiple times on this subject, but always as anon for fear of retribution. The NW circuit of markets and vendors is small.

I am amazed at the turnout. I think we officially have enough to start a support group!

Durango said...

Thanks for the comment, Anon #4. I've gotten a lot of empathizing emails in addition to the comments on this blog. It's amazed me several times now how many people know exactly what I'm talking about. I don't think the party in question realizes how many offput people she leaves behind in her wake. If you want to email my in non-anon mode you can do that at

Anonymous said...

Count me in for the support group. Word here is that there have been complaints and she may soon be banned from Fremont. I don't know why or what happened. Take it with a grain of salt, we hear a lot of rumers at Fremont.

Durango said...

Anon #4---I think the word you were looking for was "rumors", not "rumers". I'm sorry about being a spelling stickler. I can't help myself. Did she get in trouble for leaving her booth abandoned? Can you get banned for that? What other possible reason? Hazardous stacking of her goods? It did seem a bit perilous at times.

Gar said...

I like how you all talk about her like she's Lord Voldemort. It's "she who must not be named".

And now "she who must not be named" is being banned from Fremont. She didn't participate in one of those cool parades did she? That gave me chills. Damn my imagination.

Fremont Friend said...

That thing who must not be named is sort of scary, that's why everyone dances around it. She's got a mouth on her, is very loud and she says things most polite people don't say.

Anonymous said...

I was told she disapeared for a month from her blog because she'd been put in jail again. Anyone know anything about that? Was she gone from Fremont, anyone notice that? I wonder what she did this time.

Anonymous said...

what i've never understood is why someone as intelligent and normal as you had anything to do with someone like her. even without the criminal history she is such a low life type person.

Durango said...

Dear Latest Anonymous----

She was not always like she is now, well not as bad. She's always had issues and temper management problems. And I've never tolerated being the object of her ire. My refusing to tolerate her bad behavior is when it comes to a bad end in her sad mind. Anyway, it all just got way worse in the past decade or so. What she's done to her body is just a physical reflection of all that's gone wrong. I felt sorry for her while I dealt with her. Not so much anymore.

No name please said...

My take on it from reading her angry pouting on her blogs is she is a self-centric person. She seems simple minded and so isn't able to understand that she hurt your feelings making you mad. Then for months after you tried to figure out what was wrong with her that made her act the way she does. That was often funny. She then has more tantrums in reacting to you trying to figure out why she has the tantrums. Then you write about that tantrum like you did here and I doubt she gets it yet. I can't remember it all but I think you have figured out it's caused by being a spoiled only child, having a histrionic/narcissistic disorder, taking drugs all of which has made her toxic. You got to trust me, there are a lot of us here in the northwest who have appreciated you figuring it out. Or trying to. Your not the only one who has wondered what makes that person act that way. Thanks.

Durango said...

No Name Please----

You are welcome. The tantrum pattern is instructive. The poor thing never owns her tantrums. It's like she doesn't realize she had one. So, yeah, my commenting on the tantrums and trying to figure them out, causing her to have another tantrum, is pretty funny and ironic. It's been well over 6 months now since I was a victim of that person's mental illness. I'm pretty much over it, though I do think of it every once in awhile, cuz it's was all just so damn weird. And disturbing. I hope she hasn't done anything too horrible to you.